Another stupid GEICO Ad? Not Surprising at all

This bit "works" because none of the weird suburban white people who walk past this lemonade stand think that the black guy in the lawn chair is capable of speaking for himself, so they treat him like an ornament and instead ask the two little girls who he is.  Which makes the commercial "funny," you see, because he's a performer who decided to change his name to Ice-T.  Get it?  Me too.  Think it's actually funny?  Me neither.

Now that we aren't amused, let's move on to depressed and read the YouTube comments.  This is a very, very sad country filled with very, very stupid people.

Two points about this stupid AT&T Commercial

1.  Hey, stupid woman standing there looking mortified as your boyfriend/husband manchild stands there making a total ass of himself in public for the 2000th time- nobody tazered and tagged you into this relationship.  If you think you can do better, get that gobsmacked look off your face and walk away.  There are worse things that being lonely for awhile- like being with this jagoff, for instance.  But if you aren't going to walk away, then sorry, I'm not buying the mortified look.  This is what you were willing to settle for because the world is too dark and scary to be without a maaaaannnnnn, even a little boy like this one.

2.  It was almost cruel for AT&T this shapeless Poster Girl for the Word Plain actress to play the role of Gobsmacked Mortified Girlfriend/Wife and then have her pose motionlessly next to Lily the Cute AT&T girl, wasn't it?  I mean, this is just sad.  I wouldn't blame the guy for forgetting his significant other is even in the same room- but I sure as hell hope his "wrangling" act isn't an attempt to impress Lily, because that's even sadder.

"The Future," according to Taco Bell.....

...sure isn't very inviting or attractive.  In fact, it's basically imagining a world in which twentysomethings gorge themselves on carbs, cheese, meat and grease while sitting on their expanding butts using virtual reality glasses to pretend to be doing something cool as their arteries harden and life passes by right in front of them (but completely invisible, because of those virtual reality glasses.)

Well, at least the crap they'll be killing themselves with will come in cheap package deals.  That's something, because they really will need to save their money for the diabetes medications and heart surgeries.  Pardon me if I don't shed a tear in advance for these loathsome slobs.

At least Aleve doesn't try to be funny with most of ITS Ads.....

   

The conclusion of this ad would make a lot more sense if the "Not Gonna Happen" woman and the "My headache's gone so continue to destroy the house and scream, unsupervised kids" woman were one and the same.  I could totally get "two is enough and I'm out of pills, even if you aren't" coming from THAT woman.

But as it is, this just comes off as another ad going for a cheap laugh.  The "Not Gonna Happen" woman might as well finish her statement by letting the guy know that the whole "headache" thing was just an excuse to avoid intimacy and while she's perfectly happy to sleep in the same bed with him, he's to keep to his side at all times.  Pretty cold, but it WILL allow her to avoid the fate of that other woman.....

I'll give Apex this- they are still around, and still offering these classes. I bet their commercials are better now, though

"Every two seconds somebody bangs up a car.  Keeping them looking new again keeps 185,000 specialists on the job..."

Well, I'd think so.  After all, that's 30 cars being banged up every minute, or 1800 every hour, or 43,200 every day- or almost sixteen MILLION cars banged up every year....if they all needed servicing, that comes out to eighty-five cars per "specialist."  Except, wait- isn't it reasonable to assume that the vast majority of those "bang-ups" are going to be fender-benders, scratches, and dings written off by the owners because, well, deductables?  And even if every single one of those cars were brought in to a "specialist," that comes out to one job every four days...how long does it take to fix a dent or fill a stratch?*

My favorite part of this classic ad comes at 35 seconds in when the host, after giving a quick rundown of the skills his training program teaches, breaks into a chuckle and practically blurts out "now seriously, don't you agree that a monkey could be trained to do any of this work in a long weekend?  How freaking helpless are you?"

Maybe in the 1970s applying bondo and smoothing out dents and spraying paint- all those things MAACO charges through the nose for- made for a good career?  Considering that my father in law was able to teach me how to do all that stuff for my own car and I managed to actually do it without blinding myself or losing an appendage, I kind of doubt it.  VCR Repair sounds more promising, even if it doesn't come with that awesome Probably Free When You Apply For a Sears Card tool kit...

*oh, who am I kidding?  "Labor: $200 Minimum" pretty much no matter what, right?

Another Lexus "you'd give anything to be me, 'cause I get to drive this car" ad

The guy who drives this Lexus is the President of the company his dad started and is well aware that he doesn't pay his minions enough to ever be able to afford a decent car, let alone a Lexus, which makes him better than them, and that makes him happy as he cruises off in smug satisfaction, hopefully on his way to a horrific accident in which he is the only fatality.

And just think- the December to Remember ads are right around the corner.  Must be, because Christmas is right around the corner.  The local chain store tells me so.

Bet you Corona thinks this one's clever, too.....

1.  The poor alcoholic in the first frame can only afford to buy single cans, but doesn't notice that one has gone missing- and I guess won't notice until she gets home and realizes that she's going to have a very rough night without that third can of cheap beer to stave off the DTs....

2.  The magic rolling Corona can is SO magic that it does something that no can has ever done- it manages to roll several inches on a dry beach.  Sure, that happens.  Uh huh.  And if you leave a sandwich out unattended the seagulls will realize it's not their property and totally leave it alone, too.

3.  Is it too much to ask that beer companies just go back to showing us people actually drinking their product and having a good time doing it?  This is stupid.  The only way this ad comes even close to redeeming itself is if we at least get to see the guy who opens this can get half of it sprayed in his face.  Instead, we are supposed to believe that the Obviously Lukewarm Can of Cheap Beer was mistaken as one brought to the beach party.  If that happened, I have to believe that the partiers are already seriously buzzed from the consumption of alcohol of a much higher quality.