What's happening during this ATT ad.....

1.  A few more seconds of our lives are slipping away

2.  Several customers who have already been in the ATT store for an hour waiting their turn in the qeue are waiting a little longer because the ATT girl has decided that she'd rather continue to pointlessly banter with this jackass rather than just do her job- which is to herd as many customers through the feeding pen as she can as quickly as possible, not engage in non-profitable conversations with people who are already sold on the product but haven't put their signature on the contract yet.

3.  Millions of brain cells are committing suicide.

4.  Some witless ad writer is picking up a check because Stupid Sells.

Cheerios' disgusting "Make more babies 'cause Reasons" commercial

Ugh, Cheerios.  Really?  Besides the headache-and-epileptic-fit inducing style of this god-awful advertisement, the message sure seems to be "kids are fun, look at what you can do with them- you can pose them and put them in dangerous situations and pour something that I really really hope is chocolate all over them and then video them for the amusement of our dumbass audience!"  Like they are freaking toys and not human beings.

But I guess there are plenty of "parents" out there too thrilled at the idea of having their offspring appear for almost a full half-second in a Cheerios ad to worry about stuff like that, huh?

Getting desperate, are we, Cheerios?

Probably the last Lexus December to Remember Ad of the Season. Hand me a tissue.

As we approach mid-January, we can expect these hideous Lexus December to Remember ads to dissapear from the airwaves for another ten months or so.  Every year we say "good riddance," but they managed to be even more repulsive than usual in 2016, because the agreed-upon theme moved beyond "disgustingly rich, privileged asshats give eachother luxury cars" to "disgustingly rich, privileged asshats ask children to ask Santa to give them luxury cars."

In this ad, Daddy has carefully trained his son to not merely ask Daddy for a Lexus SUV, but to make sure that the SUV he hopes will magically show up on his driveway has just the right entertainment system, with just the right number of screens.  My guess is that the particular mall Santa being dunned for this obnoxiously unneccessary toy is pretty used to such requests- the glaringly white mall/palace looks like it caters exclusively to the Trump kids in it's loathsome gaudiness.  By the time that kid is sixteen he'll be asking for a Lexus of his very own, and getting one I have no doubt.

Daddy is standing in line wearing his $800 coat, slacks and sweater from the Gap Eurotrash Collection and is thrilled that the kid managed to get through the carefully-rehearsed script, because never mind that from the clothes and the house we see at the end he can clearly afford to buy HIMSELF one of these socially irredeemable LookAtMeMobiles -- Santa granted his wish, because Santa never fails to forget the Most Fortunate among us during the holiday season, does he?*

*Actually, all of these "Ask Santa" ads come across to me as extremely wealthy people going through the motions of asking for something for free before just going right off and buying it for themselves because that's what they've been taught to do since childhood- "buy it, but only if you can't get someone to give it to you first."  That, and teaching filthy rich kids that asking Santa for stuff is still fun even when Mommy and Daddy can and do get you whatever the hell you want anyway. Welcome to the Trump Era.

Sift Away, you lost me with "Watch This."

Um, NO!  You CAN'T MAKE ME!

And you can't sell me on the idea that "everyone loves cats" or whatever piece of bs you start this ad with.  I'm in the universe which includes everyone, and I have zero interest in having one of these little mammals in my house, stinking the place up with their sandboxes of stench-filled poo.  Yuck.

Of course, dogs are even worse- especially in the suburbs, where the Joys of Ownership include walking the things around and picking up their leavings.  Yeah, that's attractive.  Why stop at one- I want at least a dozen dogs.  The more the merrier, right?

Anyway, I hope that nobody felt compelled to watch this awfulness.  It was too good to pass up for this site, but I wouldn't even wish the ad on a cat owner.  This must seem all too familiar to you.  I don't understand you at all and I'm quite sure I don't want to, but I am curious- do you really think that if you just sift away the horrible clumps you leave behind "clean" litter your nasty little pet will be just thrilled to use again and again?  Really?

G-d damn you, McDonalds.....

1.  "Time after Time" was released during my first year in college and is my all-time favorite Cyndi Lauper song.  If you were going to use it to sell your fried junk, you should have hired Cyndi sing it instead of the twee nobodies you hired (who, by the way, should have their vocal cords surgically removed so we never have to hear their Adult Easy Listening version ever, ever again.)  If Cyndi told you to go to hell, you should have just moved on to another song.  I notice that Cat Stevens is willing to sell out these days.

2.  "If you care about your children," you don't care that the deep fried crap is all white meat, because you know that doesn't make it worth eating or in any way valuable nutrition for your kids.  Maybe the sentence should read "if you care about your children but not enough to avoid fast-food poison because hey, there's only so much time in the day and it's cheap, McDonalds uses all-white meat in its fried chicken parts.  Plus we sell cartons of milk."

Meanwhile, I'll never be able to listen to "Time after Time" without being reminded of this commercial.  "G-d damn you" is actually too polite, but it's the holidays, so....

Quaker thinks this is cute

Haha, mom had to get a lawyer to negotiate with her son to clean his room, because her son got a lawyer lol that is just too funny...

Except, no.  It's pretty damned stupid, actually.  Especially the "on the grounds that I brought you into this world and it's the least you can do" line- really?  "I gave birth to you, so the least you could do to thank me is to clean your room?"  How about "because I'm your mother, and I said so?"  Anyone say this anymore?  If not, why not?  Anyone else think that this kid can start negotiating his chores when he pays rent?

Anyway, the "problem" between pathetic mom and disgusting jerkwad son is "solved" through a strategic application of the old Food Bribe- "if you agree to clean your room, you'll get a tasteless log of rice, nuts and honey holding the damn thing together."  But this isn't super realistic to me- if this kid has grown to be such an obstinate little brat that he'll hire a lawyer to avoid cleaning his room, I'm pretty sure he hasn't had to ask very often for the Food Used To Shut Him Up.  If anything, it seems to me that this woman has probably spent most of the last several years shoveling stuff at this kid to keep Peace in the Home.  The result is this nasty little toad refusing to clean his room without prepayment.

Gross.  But the YouTube commentators like it.  Go figure.

Another Lexus ad which I'm quite sure is SUPPOSED to be as vile as it is

Lexus is assaulting us (there is no other word for it) with these Thoroughly Revolting People Who Already Have F--ing Everything Getting Santa to Give Them Luxury Cars commmercials which pop up during Every. Single. Commercial Break and have pretty much convinced me that I simply can't watch any more bowl games this season.....

They are all pretty much the same, but in this one Disgusting Entitled Aunt who doesn't like kids agrees to take her neice to see Santa because despite the fact that she's clearly got money coming out of her f--ing ears and appears to be an adult, she thinks that the best way to land herself a Lexus this Christmas is to ask a fairy tale for one.  Loathsome Aunt helps set up the Next Generation of Mammon-worshippers by bribing her neice to do the asking- and the moment neice agrees and runs off to see Santa (no line, I guess maybe Aunt bribed the other kids to take a hike) Aunt crosses her arms and looks thoroughly convinced that this is going to work.

Not only does Santa grant the little kid's wish, but Aunt doesn't even have to wait till Christmas morning- they drive back to the girl's house in the Lexus.  So Santa was so damned taken with the little girl that oh hey sure of course, here are the keys?  Or was there an exchange of "gifts" between Santa and Aunt off-camera (sorry, but there has GOT to be more than meets the eye here.)  At any rate, I guess the Audi they came with was just left in the parking garage?

As is the case in every single one of the noxious piles of steaming crud, the commercial ends with a heartwarming scene in which white people stand in front of a $3 million house and gaze in appreciation at the latest f--ing bauble in the driveway.  Meanwhile, Timmy on the other side of the tracks didn't get those new boots to replace the ones with holes in them because, well, priorities.  I'd tell Lexus to go die in a fire, except that I think they go out of their way to make these ads as horrible as they can because they are aimed at people who are constantly looking for ways to engage in conspicuous consumption and who enjoy being entitled asshats.  So if their commercials infuriate me, mission accomplished.

Now go die in a fire, Lexus.