Love- it aint what it used to be

With Verizon's new unlimited data plan, you can do more of what you love- as long as "what you love" involves staring at your stupid fricking phone as the world goes on around you.  As long as it involves downloading and streaming and sharing videos.  If it's all about you and your screen, Verizon's got you covered.

Have a great "life," morons.

Dear Dr Pepper: Get this guy back to the asylum in 2017, ok?

Anyone else had more than enough of this creep with his tray of Obviously Empty cups?  Is it just me, or is everyone else ready to say goodbye to Dr Pepper's current bad marketing idea?

Anyone else sick of this guy's loathsome dedication to his minimum-wage, no-health-benefits, seasonal job?  Christ, what are you, fifty?  And this is what's come of your life?  And you're just thrilled with it?  I thought that guy who was proud of his ability to fold Dominos pizza boxes was depressing.  This is worse.

(BTW, I've been to Major League Baseball Games, Major League Football Games, College games for both sports, etc....and I've never once seen anyone selling cups of Dr Pepper.  Maybe because nobody wants Dr Pepper when there's Coca-Cola and Beer available?)

What's happening during this ATT ad.....

1.  A few more seconds of our lives are slipping away

2.  Several customers who have already been in the ATT store for an hour waiting their turn in the qeue are waiting a little longer because the ATT girl has decided that she'd rather continue to pointlessly banter with this jackass rather than just do her job- which is to herd as many customers through the feeding pen as she can as quickly as possible, not engage in non-profitable conversations with people who are already sold on the product but haven't put their signature on the contract yet.

3.  Millions of brain cells are committing suicide.

4.  Some witless ad writer is picking up a check because Stupid Sells.

Cheerios' disgusting "Make more babies 'cause Reasons" commercial

Ugh, Cheerios.  Really?  Besides the headache-and-epileptic-fit inducing style of this god-awful advertisement, the message sure seems to be "kids are fun, look at what you can do with them- you can pose them and put them in dangerous situations and pour something that I really really hope is chocolate all over them and then video them for the amusement of our dumbass audience!"  Like they are freaking toys and not human beings.

But I guess there are plenty of "parents" out there too thrilled at the idea of having their offspring appear for almost a full half-second in a Cheerios ad to worry about stuff like that, huh?

Getting desperate, are we, Cheerios?

Probably the last Lexus December to Remember Ad of the Season. Hand me a tissue.

As we approach mid-January, we can expect these hideous Lexus December to Remember ads to dissapear from the airwaves for another ten months or so.  Every year we say "good riddance," but they managed to be even more repulsive than usual in 2016, because the agreed-upon theme moved beyond "disgustingly rich, privileged asshats give eachother luxury cars" to "disgustingly rich, privileged asshats ask children to ask Santa to give them luxury cars."

In this ad, Daddy has carefully trained his son to not merely ask Daddy for a Lexus SUV, but to make sure that the SUV he hopes will magically show up on his driveway has just the right entertainment system, with just the right number of screens.  My guess is that the particular mall Santa being dunned for this obnoxiously unneccessary toy is pretty used to such requests- the glaringly white mall/palace looks like it caters exclusively to the Trump kids in it's loathsome gaudiness.  By the time that kid is sixteen he'll be asking for a Lexus of his very own, and getting one I have no doubt.

Daddy is standing in line wearing his $800 coat, slacks and sweater from the Gap Eurotrash Collection and is thrilled that the kid managed to get through the carefully-rehearsed script, because never mind that from the clothes and the house we see at the end he can clearly afford to buy HIMSELF one of these socially irredeemable LookAtMeMobiles -- Santa granted his wish, because Santa never fails to forget the Most Fortunate among us during the holiday season, does he?*

*Actually, all of these "Ask Santa" ads come across to me as extremely wealthy people going through the motions of asking for something for free before just going right off and buying it for themselves because that's what they've been taught to do since childhood- "buy it, but only if you can't get someone to give it to you first."  That, and teaching filthy rich kids that asking Santa for stuff is still fun even when Mommy and Daddy can and do get you whatever the hell you want anyway. Welcome to the Trump Era.

Sift Away, you lost me with "Watch This."

Um, NO!  You CAN'T MAKE ME!

And you can't sell me on the idea that "everyone loves cats" or whatever piece of bs you start this ad with.  I'm in the universe which includes everyone, and I have zero interest in having one of these little mammals in my house, stinking the place up with their sandboxes of stench-filled poo.  Yuck.

Of course, dogs are even worse- especially in the suburbs, where the Joys of Ownership include walking the things around and picking up their leavings.  Yeah, that's attractive.  Why stop at one- I want at least a dozen dogs.  The more the merrier, right?

Anyway, I hope that nobody felt compelled to watch this awfulness.  It was too good to pass up for this site, but I wouldn't even wish the ad on a cat owner.  This must seem all too familiar to you.  I don't understand you at all and I'm quite sure I don't want to, but I am curious- do you really think that if you just sift away the horrible clumps you leave behind "clean" litter your nasty little pet will be just thrilled to use again and again?  Really?

G-d damn you, McDonalds.....

1.  "Time after Time" was released during my first year in college and is my all-time favorite Cyndi Lauper song.  If you were going to use it to sell your fried junk, you should have hired Cyndi sing it instead of the twee nobodies you hired (who, by the way, should have their vocal cords surgically removed so we never have to hear their Adult Easy Listening version ever, ever again.)  If Cyndi told you to go to hell, you should have just moved on to another song.  I notice that Cat Stevens is willing to sell out these days.

2.  "If you care about your children," you don't care that the deep fried crap is all white meat, because you know that doesn't make it worth eating or in any way valuable nutrition for your kids.  Maybe the sentence should read "if you care about your children but not enough to avoid fast-food poison because hey, there's only so much time in the day and it's cheap, McDonalds uses all-white meat in its fried chicken parts.  Plus we sell cartons of milk."

Meanwhile, I'll never be able to listen to "Time after Time" without being reminded of this commercial.  "G-d damn you" is actually too polite, but it's the holidays, so....