Questions for the writers of this Even Dumber than Usual AT&T ad....

1.  Why is Lily just staring at this guy as he walks out of the store?  Her job with him is done.  There are other customers in the store waiting for service.  I know- I've been to AT&T stores, and I've never once seen a situation where a customer service rep is just waiting around to help someone.  It's always wall to wall customers and when you're done with one, you start with another.  But in these ads, Lily is always shown just shooting the breeze with the customers as if they are the only people in the store.  And other than nameless, faceless non-Lily employees, they usually are.

2.  At least the jackass walking out of the store doesn't do that "whaaaaaaaat?" sound out loud.  Man, is that played.  It's beyond stupid, it's "Cray Cray" stupid.  I really hate the 21st century, but it would be slightly less loathsome if we could ditch this brain-dead shorthand for language.  Why does that have to be included in this ad?  Because you hate me personally?

3.  This guy is really so infatuated with the "deal" he got (available to everyone, and certain to make AT&T a nice profit otherwise it would not be offered, moron) that he actually has to remind himself to stay calm until he gets out of the store, as if he's an f--ing shoplifter or something?  I can only guess this this is your image of the fantasy customer, completely euphoric over the latest "deal," convinced that he's put something over on AT&T by "negotiating" it, so giddy with the new toy he'll regard as an antique six months from now that he can't keep himself from walking into the freaking door?  Really?

4.  Why do you hate us so much?  Other than line up hours before the store opens to buy your latest gadget, what did we ever do to you?

Point of Personal Privilege: The latest "Star Wars" Movie.....

First, a message to those who don't know me that well: I am a huge fan of the original Star Wars films.  And by "original" I mean the versions that were released over the six year period 1977-1983.  Those are the ones I went to see in the theater multiple times each, the ones I first owned on VHS, and the only ones I really acknowledge as "Star Wars" films.  I don't really mind the "Special Editions," otherwise known as "George Lucas getting bored and going back to 'fix' things that weren't broken," except when they actually change the original story (Han didn't just fire first- he was the only one who fired.  He killed Greedo in cold blood.  Period.)  I skip over the "Han confronts Jabba" scene added to the original because it's not necessary and stupid and it didn't appear in the version I saw in the theater in 1977.  But I'm starting on an old rant, and that's not the point of today's blog post.

The prequels were just garbage, and better forgotten.  However, I do have to mention them today in reference to the film I saw last night:  Rogue One:  A Star Wars Story.

Here's what I have to say about Rogue One:  It was reasonably well-acted, the special effects were not overwhelming, and unlike the prequels and Episode VII it was not an  over-the-top bastardizations of the original series.  There were nods to the original film but they were subtle, not insulting, and they reminded me of my childhood rather than attempt to rob it like Episodes I-III and VII did.  The CGI was toned down and the characters were more in focus than in any Star Wars film since the originals (the most remarkable CGI was not used to create the battle scenes, which were obviously but not obnoxiously an homage to the final battle in Return of the Jedi, but in the recreation of the Peter Cushing and Carrie Fisher characters, which were not insulting or overbearing, but welcome and seemed natural.)   I don't know if I want to see Rogue One again, but I know I didn't leave the theater disgusted and angry like I've pretty much gotten used to since 1999.  I felt like I had watched a film made by people who really cared about the Star Wars legacy and were not JUST looking to squeeze another billion dollars out of the concept.

In fact, I'd say that an appropriate working title for the film might have been Rogue One:  A Missed Opportunity, because this film would have served as a far superior alternative to the putrid mess dished out to us as Episode III back in 2005.  It takes us right up to the minute the original Star Wars films start, which brings me to my only real quibble with a film I thoroughly enjoyed (I have to do some complaining, right? Well, here it is:)

Just before the end of the film, we see Darth Vader enter the rebel ship and effortlessly deflect the blasts of a dozen or more lazers with his light saber.  He basically single-handedly invades the ship and wipes out the defenders.  But in the original Star Wars which picks up minutes or maybe hours later, Stormtroopers have to fight their way into the rebel ship, losing a significant number of their own before overpowering the rebels, and only then does Vader enter.  If Vader was capable of wiping out the rebel defenses and capturing the ship without sacrificing stormtroopers, why didn't he just do that the second time around?  I can only guess the reason:  the makers of Rogue One needed to show Darth Vader using his lightsaber strictly for Fanservice.  Oh well, can't have everything.....

Love- it aint what it used to be

With Verizon's new unlimited data plan, you can do more of what you love- as long as "what you love" involves staring at your stupid fricking phone as the world goes on around you.  As long as it involves downloading and streaming and sharing videos.  If it's all about you and your screen, Verizon's got you covered.

Have a great "life," morons.

Dear Dr Pepper: Get this guy back to the asylum in 2017, ok?

Anyone else had more than enough of this creep with his tray of Obviously Empty cups?  Is it just me, or is everyone else ready to say goodbye to Dr Pepper's current bad marketing idea?

Anyone else sick of this guy's loathsome dedication to his minimum-wage, no-health-benefits, seasonal job?  Christ, what are you, fifty?  And this is what's come of your life?  And you're just thrilled with it?  I thought that guy who was proud of his ability to fold Dominos pizza boxes was depressing.  This is worse.

(BTW, I've been to Major League Baseball Games, Major League Football Games, College games for both sports, etc....and I've never once seen anyone selling cups of Dr Pepper.  Maybe because nobody wants Dr Pepper when there's Coca-Cola and Beer available?)

What's happening during this ATT ad.....

1.  A few more seconds of our lives are slipping away

2.  Several customers who have already been in the ATT store for an hour waiting their turn in the qeue are waiting a little longer because the ATT girl has decided that she'd rather continue to pointlessly banter with this jackass rather than just do her job- which is to herd as many customers through the feeding pen as she can as quickly as possible, not engage in non-profitable conversations with people who are already sold on the product but haven't put their signature on the contract yet.

3.  Millions of brain cells are committing suicide.

4.  Some witless ad writer is picking up a check because Stupid Sells.

Cheerios' disgusting "Make more babies 'cause Reasons" commercial

Ugh, Cheerios.  Really?  Besides the headache-and-epileptic-fit inducing style of this god-awful advertisement, the message sure seems to be "kids are fun, look at what you can do with them- you can pose them and put them in dangerous situations and pour something that I really really hope is chocolate all over them and then video them for the amusement of our dumbass audience!"  Like they are freaking toys and not human beings.

But I guess there are plenty of "parents" out there too thrilled at the idea of having their offspring appear for almost a full half-second in a Cheerios ad to worry about stuff like that, huh?

Getting desperate, are we, Cheerios?

Probably the last Lexus December to Remember Ad of the Season. Hand me a tissue.

As we approach mid-January, we can expect these hideous Lexus December to Remember ads to dissapear from the airwaves for another ten months or so.  Every year we say "good riddance," but they managed to be even more repulsive than usual in 2016, because the agreed-upon theme moved beyond "disgustingly rich, privileged asshats give eachother luxury cars" to "disgustingly rich, privileged asshats ask children to ask Santa to give them luxury cars."

In this ad, Daddy has carefully trained his son to not merely ask Daddy for a Lexus SUV, but to make sure that the SUV he hopes will magically show up on his driveway has just the right entertainment system, with just the right number of screens.  My guess is that the particular mall Santa being dunned for this obnoxiously unneccessary toy is pretty used to such requests- the glaringly white mall/palace looks like it caters exclusively to the Trump kids in it's loathsome gaudiness.  By the time that kid is sixteen he'll be asking for a Lexus of his very own, and getting one I have no doubt.

Daddy is standing in line wearing his $800 coat, slacks and sweater from the Gap Eurotrash Collection and is thrilled that the kid managed to get through the carefully-rehearsed script, because never mind that from the clothes and the house we see at the end he can clearly afford to buy HIMSELF one of these socially irredeemable LookAtMeMobiles -- Santa granted his wish, because Santa never fails to forget the Most Fortunate among us during the holiday season, does he?*

*Actually, all of these "Ask Santa" ads come across to me as extremely wealthy people going through the motions of asking for something for free before just going right off and buying it for themselves because that's what they've been taught to do since childhood- "buy it, but only if you can't get someone to give it to you first."  That, and teaching filthy rich kids that asking Santa for stuff is still fun even when Mommy and Daddy can and do get you whatever the hell you want anyway. Welcome to the Trump Era.