This girl must stink to high heaven most of the time

"My little girl practically lives in her Princess dress...she wears it all week...."

Wait, it's about to get much, much worse.

"But once a week, I need to clean it.  So what do I do?  What any good dad would do- I let her play sheriff.  While I clean that dress she's been wearing for a week."

No kidding.  This guy lets his daughter wear the same freaking dress for weeks at a time, with brief intervals in which she wears a sheriff's costume so he can wash the stinking, grass-and-spaghetti-stained thing.  And please note that he LETS her play sheriff for those maybe two hours it takes to wash her regular uniform, the princess dress.  Then it's back to her gender-appropriate princess dress.

Someone please explain to me two things here:

1.  Why the hell is this "expert dad" going along with this wear-the-same-dress-for-weeks-at-a-time bit?  Does this girl not go to school?  Is he just keeping her socially isolated in the house and the backyard, or what?  I mean, how badly does this girl smell at the end of each designated laundry cycle?

2.  How many brain cells would we have to donate to Expert Dad to get him to realize that a really good time to wash that stupid ugly dress would be in the evening when spoiled little princess is asleep and presumably wearing something else?  Oh, would that require the idiot to go shopping for new clothes every once in a while?

3.  Does anyone else think this commercial is really stupid and disturbing, or is it just me?

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I'm going to tweak the script of this commercial without changing the basic message:

"We all love bacon.  We simply can't get enough of it.  We'd eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner and all snacks if we could.  When we get around to making 'Fourth Meal' an official thing- and seriously, it's only a matter a time in Donald Trump's America- that Fourth Meal will consist entirely of bacon."

"As we all know, the problem is that bacon is not very convenient to make.  It creates grease which splatters and makes messes and is even dangerous.  And because of these problems, we often deny ourselves our god-given right to consume as much pig as we'd like.  The result?  We aren't anywhere near as unhealthy as we COULD be if only SOMEONE could make the cooking of fatty strips of pork easier!"

"Well, here's the solution- with this handy little device, you effortlessly add hundreds of calories to your diet and subtract several years of your life!  Yay bacon!"

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Which element of this Burger King/Transformers ad is the most disgusting?

Is it

A)  The pie-sized, grease-infused sandwiches these two slobs are about to stick into their faces?

B)  The fact that both of these future heart attack victims is totally oblivious to the carnage going on outside?

C)  The fact that the dreamy-eyed jackass can't even bother to use a napkin but instead wipes his mouth with the back of his hand?

D)  Michael Bay continues to make money putting out this CGI-dominated, epilepsy-inducing schlock two decades after totally trashing the story of Pearl Harbor?

This Toyota ad almost makes me miss Jan

First, how does the Pedestrian know that the car stopped itself?  Can he tell from his view as a Nearly Crushed by Car Driven by Clueless, Distracted Dicktard that the driver didn't hit his brake?

Second- so, how many guys did this jackass driver kill before he bought this car which did his thinking and braking for him?

Finally- this crap happens to me at least once a week, as I am always a pedestrian.  Never once have I even considered running up to the driver and having a freaking orgasm over his car.  First, I'd probably get shot before I got to the window.  Second, I don't feel compelled to thank people for almost but not quite hitting me.  I know, I'm weird like that.

Actually I'd think "the people living there are idiots- and not at home."

So if you walk past a house in which the lights are randomly turning on and off, you think "oh that house must be haunted?"  Um, maybe twenty years ago a small child might have a reasonable excuse for taking that leap.  In 2017 I think pretty much everyone instantly thinks "App" when they see stuff like this.  Maybe this ad is making fun of the fact that the dog-walker is an elderly man for whom electric lights are already pretty amazingly close to magic and for whom "App" is not a word.

And you've got to have EVERY FREAKING LIGHT IN THE HOUSE connected to this stupid App? Not just at the door or in the kitchen?  EVERY FREAKING ONE?  That's pretty damn stupid.

Oh, and why is this toddler being allowed to play with the freaking phone anyway?  Didn't bring any toys, stupid parents?  Or is the little kid already imitating you cell phone junkie morons?

And one more thing- "your son?"  Huh?  Is that supposed to be a "cute" little reversal of the "your child" crap we used to hear from television dads who were constantly reinforcing the idea that Mommy is the one raising the offspring?  If so, it falls pretty flat here.

Finally, Milk as a Social Statement!

I was going to go with "My milk is whiter than yours" or "Milk for Rich White People," but I thought this title was more to the point.

Fairmilk is nothing more than milk which is "cold-filtered" and reconstituted to provide more protein or other nutrients but basically still just milk repackaged and sold in a fancy bottle to stupid white people with way too much money who are suckers for commercials like this.  Within seconds I'm sure they all reacted to this ad by thinking "awesome, another way to demonstrate my social status because just shopping at Whole Foods instead of Giant and driving a Lexus instead of a Honda just doesn't do it for me anymore."

So please, Upper Class Suburban Zombies- go out and buy this stuff and make sure you let everyone know you do.  Maybe slip it into Garrison's lunchbox before he heads out to preschool.  Or just have the nanny do it.

Nothing Racist or Sexist about THIS Ad. Nope, nothing at all.

In 2016 Peyton Manning retired after winning his second Superbowl in a 17-year career with the Indianapolis Colts and Denver Broncos.  Today he continues to appear at pretty much every commercial break during pretty much every NFL game during the entire season, mainly selling Nationwide Insurance by sitting around the house or standing in line at the grocery store or driving around in a luxury car.  Usually he's humming the Nationwide tune or adding different words to it, sometimes he's just tossing quips to an appreciative audience.

Serena Williams has won 39 Major Titles, including 23 Grand Slam Titles.  She's won the Australian Open seven times, the US Open six times, Wimbledon seven times and the French Open three times.  I've seen her in a lot more blowouts than close matches, even in the championship rounds.

She shows up in commercials every once in a while- like this one for Intel in which she grunts and issues gutteral screams of frustration because....um, because she's using an old racket, I guess.  I'm sure she'd have a few lines in this ad but they were all taken by the well-dressed white guy.  So just grunt and scream, Serena.  If it plays well maybe we'll call you in to do another ad next year.

Yeah, we've come a long way, haven't we?