Meanwhile, this Hanes Commercial continues to stink

I guess it was just a matter of time before someone invented t-shirts which absorbed odor, finally solving the age-old problem of what to do when you simply don't want to follow basic rules of hygiene and do things like bathe regularly and use deodorants.  This commercial is a natural successor to those Lysol ads which feature people dumping entire cans of aerosol into couches because Oh No We Are Having Visitors Any Moment Now And We Are Disgusting Slobs Who Simply Will Not Do Any Actual Cleaning More than Once a Year.

And, guys?  We are already living in the Golden Age of Shabby, with untucked shirts, uncombed hair, and unshaven faces being the the height of fashion.  Never has it been easier to just roll out of bed and out the door (my battery-operated travel razor died two days before my overseas trip came to an end, and I have to admit I am grateful that I didn't feel the least bit obligated to spend five Euro on a couple of AA batteries, like I would have if it happened 20 years ago.)  Now another once-necessary but Oh So Tiresome chore- bathing- goes the way of the dodo.   Because being a slob in every other respect shouldn't include the stink, I guess.

I wouldn't invest in odor-absorbing clothing, however.  We're probably only a few years away from  smelling like a sweatband being all the rage and not announcing your presence with your body odor being something our way-too-uptight grandparents thought was important.  This is going to get worse before it gets better, people.

Summer Hiatus, Part II

Hello everybody, just wanted to let you know that I won't be updating this blog until July 2nd as I will be traveling to Italy between now and then and will not have access to the internet (or any interest in updating this blog) until I return.  So please enjoy the archives while I visit the home of my paternal great-grandparents.....see you when I get back!

A late-night rant becomes a Commercial Curmudgeon Post. Thanks, First Mobile@

I guess this ad is telling me that First Mobile Check Depositing is perfect for jackasses who like to smear food on their kids' faces and stick sunglasses on their dogs and take pictures of both to "share" with the few people they know who aren't absolutely convinced that they are drooling morons who probably think that Donald Trump is one right smart biznessman who just keeps outsmartin' those know-it-all edumicated snowflake millenial spoiled brats.

Someone get Isaac Hou an Accountant....

Ok, so this guy makes a living with some cool performance art/gymnastics which actually looks pretty cool.  I'm totally fine with that.  Just a quick question:

Is Isaac Hou aware of tax laws?  I mean, he's handed a personal check for $2000 for a show- no deductions for Social Security, Medicare, etc. let alone federal, state and local income tax.  No paperwork at all- just do your thing with your big metal hoop, here's $2000, take a break and you'll be doing another show in a few minutes.

I get that that Chase is trying to simplify all this, but I can see the IRS watching this ad and thinking "we've got to give this guy a call.  He doesn't quite get how we do things around here. He can't really believe that he can just accept cash for payment without declaring taxes.  Who does he think he is,  President Trump?"

Oh just move in to the damn pharmacy already

1.  Why does every freaking disease now have a three-letter acronym?  I just barely learned that Opioid Induced Constipation is a thing, and I've already been told that I should refer to it as OIC because...well, because we're living in the fricking twitterverse where were are all too damned lazy to use complete words anymore.

2.  If my doctor referred to a complaint about constipation with "how long've you been holding this in?' my first response would not be to laugh, but to question that doctor's commitment to making me better.  Illness is not a freaking joke.  But the guy in this ad thinks it's downright charming that his doctor used his discomfort to drop a bad pun- so charming, in fact, that he REPEATS the lousy joke a few seconds later.

3.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the answer to this guy's constipation problem caused by an addiction to a prescription drug is....another prescription drug.  It's America and it's the year 2017- of COURSE the answer to a medical condition caused by drugs is more drugs.  What else would it be?  Maybe cutting down on the opiods?  Don't be silly- there's no money in that.  What am I, a freaking Commie?  Do I want the terrorists to win or something?

4.  If you are popping opioids to deal with back pain, is constipation really something you're going to be concerned with?  To repeat Point 3, wouldn't it be a little more in keeping with the Hippocratic Oath for a doctor to tell this guy "once we get you off these extremely powerful, organ-damaging pain killers, you'll have regular bowel movements, so let's focus on getting you there?"  But again- no money in that.

Dear Liberty Mutual....

Could make one- just one- commercial in which the doofus who has the expensive accident is a woman?  You know, to kind of break the rut you're in, with one freaking ad after another featuring a woman complaining because her idiot male husband/boyfriend/brother/son did something stupid with the car and ended up costing her money because he was too stupid to use Liberty Mutual for his insurance?

Please?  Just one?  I mean, I know you're trying to create some kind of balance after decades of unfunny "women drivers" bits, but two wrongs really don't make a right.  So knock off the ads with sheepish, Ashamed Men and The Women Who Tolerate Them, please?  Please?

Hey, "Liberal." You aren't helping with this self-indulgent crap

Seriously, I find it very hard to believe that this commercial isn't snark written by a Trump supporter.

I didn't watch the entire thing- I could barely get past the whiny "I walk and walk and sometimes it rains" bit (yeah, welcome to the real world, doofus.  You sound like those people who dismiss solar panels with "but sometimes it's night or it's cloudy.")  Even worse was the totally offhand "I can take the train but it's an hour each way, and that's when it DOESN'T hit a person..." Holy crap, you're on a train that regularly hits people and all you can think is "Oooooh, this is really going to slow down my commute what a bummer?"  Seriously?  How fricking cold-blooded can you get, stupid self-centered jagoff?

I really don't care what she says beyond this, though I know she goes into what is supposed to be an ironic "we need double-decker highways tee hee hee I 'm just saying this because I know all the liberals I'm going to meet on the street (all of whom own cars) are going to respond hey the last thing we need is a bigger carbon footprint tee hee hee" and I'm guessing that it ends with a pitch for more mass transit.  I'm hoping that it also includes a little about walkable communties, but judging from that earlier "I walk and walk and sometimes it rains" bit, I kind of doubt it.

So someone else can watch this whole thing and tell me what the magic solution to too much traffic and too much carbon and too much reliance on fossil fuels and earthquake-creating water-contaminating natural gas is, since it's not walkable communities (which by the way are also the solution to a lot of our health problems.) But never mind.  I'm done.