Nissan makes my day-glo green backpack a total waste of money

Every one of these ubiquitous Star Wars/Nissan crossover crap commercials have the same thing in common- that it's perfectly ok to drive while distracted by your juvenile daydreams, even through construction sites, as long as you are driving a Nissan and remember to enable the Let Us Do Your Driving For You Because You Are Too Damned Irresponsible collision detection system.  Hell in this ad, the "student driver" is so damned freaked out at the site of a few orange cones that she has to be reminded by her father to turn the actual driving over to her car before she indulges in her stupid panic attack and slips into her Safe Space, where she isn't responsible for maneuvering heavy machinery but instead has been whisked away to a magical fairy land of Imperial Walkers and Storm Troopers.

Great message, Nissan.  I'll keep it in mind the next time I have to jump out of the way of one of your damn cars because it's being "driven" by someone who bought in to the idea that it's the perfect vehicle for someone who just wants to get from Point A to Point B without putting down the phone or delaying the Walter Mitty episodes until they AREN'T behind the wheel any longer.

Don't you just mean "stay a kid," Belk?

I guess we're supposed to be surprised when the "kids" in this ad turn out to be "adults" who are just ACTING like kids.  We aren't, because adults acting like kids is pretty much the standard in American television commercials.

I mean, we've got "adults" gushing over cars like they are candy.  We've got them fantasizing about jewelry and cell phones and trucks they don't have any actual use for but Look How Pretty and They'll Make My Life Worthwhile.  Hell, this season we've got Lexus commercials which actually PORTRAY grown-ups as children as they prance and dance and have orgasms over LookAtMeMobiles.  So when we are shown children swooning over Shiny Stuff and living in a fantasy world of tinsel and lights, we are supposed to appreciate the "oh guess what they're adults" punchine? 

Really? I just ASSUMED these were adults.  After all, commercials showing kids acting like kids are pretty rare.  Generally, kids in commercials act the way we used to think adults are supposed to act.  That's kind of the joke.  Adults acting like kids?  That's the norm.  Try again, Belk.

(Oh, and "Belk?"  What the hell is THAT all about?)

More First World Problems, by Land Rover!

Everything isn't quite perfect for the daughter in this family- she really wants a White Christmas.  Well, that's understandable.  Lots of kids want a White Christmas.  Pretty much all of them who don't live in a Northern climate zone just learn to deal with it.

But this kid, who lives in the middle of the desert with her parents and their three Land Rovers, isn't like most of the others.  While she sleeps, her daddy carries her to the back seat of one of the family's Land Rovers and drives to their summer home in the mountains where there IS snow.  Everything must be Just Right for the little princess, and that's possible because this family has a summer home in the mountains.

And since that summer home in the mountains is within easy driving distance from the winter home in the desert, it's kind of hard to understand why they didn't just plan on spending Christmas there anyway.  Maybe daughter was perfectly happy decorating a cactus and looking forward to getting a Land Rover Of Her Very Own someday until the very last minute?  Maybe daughter figured out that using her pouty face and acting like she's at least five years younger than she actually is will get daddy to melt (again) and get her what she really really wants which is to spend Christmas week skiing with her friends at the resort near the Summer Home?

Well, at least they aren't Cleveland Browns fans....

So the point of this ad is that this stupid family is totally obsessed with the Atlanta Falcons to the point of dressing in Falcons jerseys, giving eachother Falcons-themed gifts for Christmas, and even wearing Falcons gear for the family portrait.  Mom's closet looks like she wears absolutely nothing BUT Falcons stuff.  Except....

Turns out that Mom is a "closet" (get it?) Russell Wilson fan, so I guess she roots for the Seahawks in the deep recesses of her heart.  Or maybe she just roots for Wilson the player and doesn't care what team he plays for.  Either way, this is the joke of the ad.  I guess.  I don't know.  The YouTube commenters think it's hysterical and even make it a point to let us know that they get why it's funny, etc. etc.  Because YouTube commenters are very, very stupid.

I'll just point out that this entire family, INCLUDING mom whether she loves the Seahawks or just Russell Wilson, must really, REALLY hate the New England Patriots.  Hey family- how did you like last year's Superbowl?  Hey Mom- how did you like Superbowl 49?  I thought they were both great, myself.

More "Real People Begging for TV Facetime" ads from Chevy? Merry Christmas, I guess.

The "Real People, Not Actors" gang reach a new level in butt-kissing in this ad, and considering what we've seen in the past I wasn't sure that was even possible.  One woman can't even let the spokeschoad get through his first sentence without an admiring gasp, and the rest chime in right on cue with their moans of approval as they stand a respectable distance from the Glowing Wonder which is whatever piece of overpriced junk Chevy is peddling with these played-out trashy ads these days.

Hey, Chevy People- nobody believes your lame attempts to convince us that you are stunned by the sales pitch of the spokeschoad.  And we don't need to be told you're "Not Actors" and are just sad losers who desperately want to be actors.

Hey, Chevy- enough, already.  These ads are already among the very hated on television.  Nobody believes them, nobody finds them convincing, nobody wants to see them anymore.  We just want to slap the non-actors for selling their souls so cheaply and punch that idiot Chevy whore in the face for showing up on our televisions way too often.  Move on.  Please.

Yoplait Moms have massive chips on their shoulders*

"Look at me?  That means you dissaprove."

"Glance at me?  That means you are trying to pretend I don't exist.  You're hateful."

"Don't look at me at all?  You can't ignore me.  I'm here anyway, and you WILL acknowledge my existance.  I am woman, hear me roar, etc."

Oh, and I am going to drink wine whether you like it or not- and don't tell me you don't give a flying damn either way, because no way that's an option.  You notice everything about me- what I drink, what I wear (don't criticize my dress- it's how I got that guy to nail me so I could become TrophyWife No. 2) and everything else about me that I just KNOW you and everyone else are totally obsessed with because I'm Really That Important In Your Universe."

And finally- I'm raising my little girl to eat this yogurt, and I don't give a damn if you dissaprove which of course you do because Reasons.  I told you to stop pretending you don't care!  Stop acting as if this means nothing to you!  YOU HAVE A PROBLEM AND I CAN TELL AND YOU CAN'T PRETEND YOU DON'T DAMMIT!  MY LIFE HAS MEANING TO TOTAL STRANGERS!"

If this is what it means to be a Mom in America these days, well....wow.  That's really sad.

*And now someone is going to find this blog and use it as proof that women are being "judged" everywhere, all the time, by everyone.  Sigh.

"My perfect life is exactly 1% more perfect- let me do my Lexus dance!"

The "adult" that this kid turns into at the 15-second mark is quite literally worshipping at the shrine of a Lexus LookatMeMobile.  Judging from his reaction to getting a car he is clearly capable of buying himself at any time- after all, didn't TrophyWife buy it for him out of family funds?- I just have to wonder- what was his reaction when he learned that TrophyWife was pregnant, or when the doctor told him that she had given birth to a healthy baby girl?  Was it anything even CLOSE to his reaction when he discovered that his family was $50,000 poorer because his wife had given in to his dream of adding a luxury automobile to what was already a fantasy life?

Just asking.  Doesn't look like this Eurotrash creep has his priorities straight, but that's just me.