Taco Bell "Movie Jail?"

Never Mind "Movie Jail."  Smuggle that 3000-calorie pile of Taco Bell crud you are "in love with" into the theater, stinking it up for everyone else, and I hope someone rips that hoodie off and shoves it down your selfish taco hole while the rest of the patrons beat you to death with your own sense of entitlement.

Oh yeah, and this is a booking.com commercial which has zero to do with booking rooms.

"Are you filming this?"

The guy sounds like he doesn't want his family to be filming him.  That's his choice, I guess, but don't ask me to understand it.  You are trying something really cool while on vacation- why wouldn't you want it filmed?

"Lookin' good, babe!"

We've established from the look on the guy's face that he would rather not be filmed.  His family doesn't give a damn, probably because while HIS idea of a good time while on vacation is to try cool new things and be active, THEIR idea of a good time is to sit on their asses on the beach with their electronic device hoping that dad makes a fool of himself so they can share it with the world.  Nice family, huh?

The "punchline" is supposed to be that the guy doesn't do whatever the hell he's trying to do perfectly the first time, and LOL it's so funny to see Dad Look StupidTM Let's Share.  As far as I'm concerned, the actual punchline is that a family went on vacation and only one of them even attempted to have fun and had an original experience because the others were too busy sitting around with f--ing electronics which work just as well back in the suburbs and didn't need to be brought to an exotic resort on dad's hard-earned money.  I'm rooting for another punchline- while Mom and Kids are in the hotel room watching different things on their personal electronic devices, Dad hooks up with the smoking-hot lifeguard at the hotel pool.  How's that for water sports?

Oh, and I don't know who Aubrey Plaza is, nor do I care

Remember when commercials for cellphones actually showed people using them- or attempting to use them- when they were away from their homes?  Nowadays you are just as likely to see people in these ads sitting in their own living rooms, in front of big-screen televisions and right next to laptop computers, b----ing and moaning about how slow their streaming is. 

What are you doing, you freaking idiot?  You are with another human being- she's sitting right there.  You've got a tv there, and a computer, so plenty of distraction if you just can't bear the thought of actually having a conversation.  You've got all these options, but you'd rather just f--k around with your phone because that's the one piece of electronics in the room that isn't working absolutely perfectly.

You people are seriously sick. 

Open letter to Buick: Your commercials aren't working

No matter how much you wish your commercials featuring people bleating "Buick" every few seconds bore any resemblence to reality, they never will.  People simply do not talk like this.  Take some comfort in the fact that nobody says "my Honda," "my Nissan," or "My Chevy" either.  They may say "My Lexus," "My Audi," or "My BMW," but that's because they bought those cars so they could let other people know they own one.  Nobody will ever, EVER feel that way about a Buick.

So you are not going to get people to refer to their Buicks as Buicks.  It will always be "that's my car."  No, THAT'S my car.  No, I meant THAT car over there.  I hope that every time you hear a Buick refered to as a car it stabs you a little bit in the soul, but that's because I'm not very nice.  Plus, I don't think any of you own your souls anymore anyway.

Oh, and that black couple near the end of the commercial- I wonder why you thought this was necessary?

Woman:  "I like that Buick."

Man (looking at billboard:) "Me too,"

Woman: "I meant THIS one."

Stop.  What difference does that make, Woman?  Do you just live to have arguments with this guy?  Could you be just a little more petty?  Turns out the answer is yes, because....

Man:  "I knew that."  (Why did you think this was necessary, Man?)

Woman (sneeringly, with dismissive eyeroll:)  "Did you?"

Ugh, why? Why why WHY?  Man:  Why are you with this nasty woman?  Woman: Why do you search out ways to put this guy down?  You've got him to the point where he's willing to lie about which identical Buick he was referring to rather than admit he made a mistake.  You've reduced him to near-invisibility already.  You need to kick him some more, really?

Oh, and Buick?  Here's how the conversation goes:  "I really like this car."  "Me, too."  "I meant this car."  "So did I."  "Did you?"

Because nobody cares about Buicks.  Just in case I didn't make that clear enough already.

"Dilly Dilly" is Latin for Tasteless

What is the saddest thing about this commercial?

1.  The people in this commercial would rather drink Bud Lite than Mead.  In other words, they'd rather drink watery dreck than actual beer. 

2.  Bud Lite continues this ad campaign, which never featured anything resembling a pitch designed to make you want to drink it's product.  I don't think this is the right answer, because there is no such thing as an effective pitch that could convince me to drink Bud Lite.

3.  The number of people who think that these ads are funny, based on YouTube comments.  This would be really depressing, except for

4. The number of people who are obviously being paid to post witless OMIGOD I LOVE THESE COMMERCIALS dreck on YouTube.  Or, if they can't come up with anything, just posting "Dilly Dilly" or other lines from the commercials.  WTF is with these people?

Take your pick.  This is all very sad. 

Verizon just keeps shoveling this crap at us

1.  Nobody is going to "hold up" because someone who couldn't/wouldn't be at the party isn't quite able to watch the "surprise" moment on her g-d d--d phone.   And I suspect that the woman who expected everyone to just stop acting normally because she wasn't able to stream the party is not going to be invited to many more parties after this one, because seriously Put Your Phone Down you Jagoff.

2.  Nobody is going to go back to "starting positions" for that person, either.  Because the party is for and about the people who are actually in attendence, and the guests at the party are GUESTS, not performing seals for someone who isn't even there.

3.  The next time someone uses the term "game changer" on television, I'm putting a brick through it.  Enough with the "game changer" line.  It's played.  It's done.

4.  Someone please show this loathsome Verizon spokeschoad the door already.  He's as played and done as the term "game changer."

Who needs Soma when you've got AT&T to feed your "thing?"

Maybe being wrapped in an electronic cocoon using a virtual reality device in public like a mentally ill, socially inept, friendless dweeb is your thing.

Maybe hibernating on your couch watching witless, generic action movies filled with explosions and machine guns and interchangeable "actors" doing stuff while your brain atrophies and starts to leak out of your ears is your thing.

Maybe walking into the woods and then staring at a screen because you figure "hey at least I'm outside" and if you go more than a few minutes without getting electronic stimulus pumped into what's left of that brain I mentioned in the last paragraph you'll collapse into a sobbing ball of Absolutely Nothing is your thing.

Whatever your thing is, if it's basically Doing Absolutely Nothing while the minutes of what you laughingly refer to as your "life" tick away, AT&T has the service for you.  If your thing is being a lazy, witless, hollow cretin who simply can't deal with the real world, is terrified of being left alone with your own thoughts, and simply must be entertained All The Freaking Time, AT&T has got the perfect drug to feed your thing.

So here you go.  Enjoy your Thing.  When you look up and notice that another day you'll never get back has passed you by, don't forget to thank AT&T.  They- and so many other Nonstop "Entertainment" companies- made all this possible.  Sucker.