Revisiting this Vector ad for a moment....

I still can't believe that this Vector thing is for real and I could actually buy one if I wanted something for my apartment that never shut up for one moment but instead chirped, trilled, whistled and beeped nonstop until I finally crushed it by repeatingly stepping on it while wearing steel-toed boots (while it beeped and shrieked for mercy, no doubt.)

I don't get it.  How desperately lonely do you need to be to want an electronic device that just kept reminding you that it existed all the time?  I'm not there yet.

I can so relate to this VRBO ad*

Because like pretty much everybody else I know, when it rains for a few days in a row I just go to the internet, find a beach vacation, and away I go.  On a beach vacation.  Because I "haven't seen the sun in days."

Because like everyone else I know, I don't work for a living or have any actual responsibilities of any kind.  The only reason I stay in any one place for more than a very limited amount of time is if the weather stays nice.  When it turns nasty, I give it a couple of days to clear up, but if it doesn't, well, it's off on another beach vacation.

You know, like pretty much everybody else.

*37,000,000 views?  Yeah, right.  More like a gigantic salute to the power of bots and their ability to generate a fake audience.  If anywhere near 37 million people actually watched this garbage (which has about a dozen replies and a massive 128 thumbs-ups) it was because it keeps showing up in front of things they DO want to watch.  You know, like Prager U with 99 percent less obnoxiousness.

GEICO's holiday ad is a hit with the YouTube glue-sniffers

See, it's FUNNY because grampa's OLD and he's SNORING and we can make fun of him while he sleeps by playing with his nose!

And this entire house has exactly one room so it's not like we can just leave grampa alone to have his nap and go talk somewhere else, that's just not possible-- besides, if we left, we couldn't make fun of Stupid Old Grampa If He Didn't Want Us to make Fun of him He Wouldn't be So Old!

And all of this has to do with auto insurance 'cause Shut Up it's Funny!

(I'm warning you in advance: don't read the comment section.  Just.....don't go there.  Not if you want to retain even the slightest hope for the future of mankind.)

Ancestry DNA advises us to stick to our own

So this guy really wants nothing to do with the new neighbors who are experiencing their first Canadian winter.  The new neighbors tell him this as a way to break the ice (no pun intended) but his response is to go back to his coffee with a "leave me alone" look on his face.  This neighborhood is cold in more ways than one, turns out.

Oh, but wait.  Turns out that the new neighbor traces his ancestry back to Ireland, and so does the established "leave me alone" guy.  Well, why didn't you say so!  Now you both have something in common and worth bonding over.  You can share coffee and chats over the fence and when that fence breaks no big deal you'll fix it together and hey it's almost Christmas let's string lights together now that we are best buds because our great-great-grandparents lived on the same island once.

What if, after a couple of years, one of the neighbors casually drops the fact that his family came from a particular part of Ireland- the Northern Part- and originally resettled there from their palatial Estate in London?  How about if their first "Irish" ancestor was an Anglican Minister who actually spent most of his time in England but visited Ireland from time to time to collect rents from his serfs, until that whole famine thing caused him to kick all those dirty renters off his land and send them off to America?  How close is the bond between these neighbors going to be then?

Point is, maybe knowing some distant ancestors came from the same part of Europe isn't the strongest reason to stop being an antisocial dick to your neighbors and actually acknowledge their existence and maybe even be somewhat freindly to them.  This commercial makes it so obvious that if the new neighbors had been English, or French, or Italian, or Black, the Wall of Silence would have remained solid and unyielding.  I don't think that's a very heartwarming message.

I'd like to tell you what YOU can do, Pandora

The Normatively Beautiful Young Woman working in an office filled with Normatively Beautiful Young Women can't understand why her Blandly Handsome Boyfriend isn't surprising HER with balloons, flowers or ludicrously oversized, completely impractical teddy bears on Valentine's Day 2018.

Ah but it turns out ok- sort of- as Mr. Boyfriend From Central Casting was just waiting for  her to get back to their Standard Palace Apartment to give her a piece of rock on a metal string.  All is well with the world, except....

Now Normatively Beautiful Woman has to figure out how she's going to subtly let all of her female coworkers know that she has a new piece of jewelry that was given to her by her Standard Issue Boyfriend on Valentine's Day and he did NOT forget that Very Important "Holiday" he just didn't make a showy scene of the gift giving (which is what she wanted, but Shut Up He's Awesome.)

Dr Pepper ditched stupid doofus loser Larry for THESE people?

Dr. Pepper: Soda so crappy that it can only be the official drink of a place that doesn't actually exist!  Way to go, Dr. Pepper!

As for these people....well, WTF, like we haven't seen a version of this stupid crap 25,000 times in other ads.  The only thing dumber than the "how did we sit last time" shtick is the idea that these losers are wearing jerseys and face paint so they can sit on their livingroom couch and watch the game on tv.  And drink junk soda out of cans with the labels turned toward the camera.  All to root root root for Dear Old Generic State.  GOOOOOOO STATE!!

"See, guys, it's just like being at the game, except I didn't have to spend a hundred bucks on tickets!"

A Quaint Kohl's Black Friday Commercial

If you're under ten years old, you probably don't remember when Black Friday started on.....Friday.  That is, the Friday morning after Thanksgiving.  At around, say, 9 AM or so. 

And if you're under six years old you probably don't remember Black Friday starting at Midnight on Thankgiving, as this woman is singing about.  After a day of cooking, cleaning, hosting, and being with friends and family, she's wide awake, fresh, and first in line to get into Kohl's to take advantage of all the awesome sales that are regularly available from On The Brink of Bankruptcy Kohl's on the internet every single minute of every single day.  Because it's fun to be in a parking lot at midnight, I guess.

And of course nowadays there's no real start to Black Friday anymore- Kohls opens it's doors at 5PM on Thanksgiving, which I guess gives lunatic shopaholics more than enough time with that family and those friends, Hey It's Been Fun but there's money to be spent so Bye Everybody I'm off to the anachronistic mall to get stuff I could get online but It's Just Not the Same There's Something to be said for Tradition After All.  And I guess 5 PM gives all those workers enough time with their families as well- I mean, sure, a 5 PM opening probably means that most of them have to be at the store by 3 PM to set up, but heck how much time does it take to say you're thankful and eat and chat with loved ones?  There are consumers to be catered to, after all.

I think I'll look around for a Prager U video explaining to me how Black Friday is a celebration of Capitalism which means it's a Celebration of America which means it's an Affirmation of G-d's Existance, because this whole Black Friday thing is really getting me down.  Well, have the happiest Thankgiving possible anyway, people, for however long it lasts.