Seriously, though- someone explain this State Farm ad to me

The guy in this ad is dreaming of the "perfect life" which could be protected by State Farm Insurance- he imagines his wife making lawn sculptures, his son (or somebody, I don't know- that part where he nods at dad creeps me out too much for some reason) about to dive into a swimming pool, etc in the back yard of a big suburban mansion which includes a big yard to water....

And then the daydream is interrupted, to reveal...that the guy actually does have a swimming pool in the back yard of a big suburban mansion with a big yard to water.  The only difference is that his family are real people doing real stupid hick things around that big swimming pool, and not the perfect people he was daydreaming they were.

Since State Farm isnt' going to turn his stupid hick family into a Trophy Wife and Trophy Children, it's kind of hard to see what the point is here.  State Farm can help protect this dumb, ugly family from disaster so they can keep being dumb and ugly and the bane of the neighborhood?  So when dad kills himself with the toaster and makes it look like an accident, the rest of these jackasses can live off his insurance policy?  If that's the case, well....ok, go protect that and be my guess.  If that's not the case, well....the offer is still open.  Someone, please, explain this one to me. 

Weird Credit Union Commercial apparently played for laughs which never arrive

So at the beginning of this ad, Future Daddy is trying to put together a crib for a baby which has not quite arrived yet.  He's interrupted by Very Pregnant Future Mommy, who pulls that obnoxiously cutesy "we" bit when she tells Future Daddy "we're early."  Not going to get into that at all except to say-- no, "we" are not.

And here's where the ad goes completely off the rails.  Instead of immediately getting Future Mommy to the hospital, Future Daddy stops off at a store to clean it out of diapers, talcum powder and whatever the heck else is considered Very Important Stuff for new babies.  Future Mommy is sitting in the parking lot, in the car, beeping the horn- maybe to remind Future Daddy that she's still waiting to be taken to the hospital to have their baby.  I really hope that among the thoughts flying through her head is one that resembles "Oh my god I married a guy who thinks that we need to bring diapers and talcum powder and formula to the hospital with us, what the hell did I get myself into here?"

Everything works out ok- Future Daddy uses his Credit Union Debit Card to buy the stuff really fast and they get to the hospital on time (I assume, I mean, we don't see anyone giving birth in a parking lot) and in the final scene we see Mommy and Daddy and new Baby who (for the moment) has no idea what an incredibly stupid human being Daddy is.  He'll have plenty of time to find out, assuming Daddy doesn't accidentally kill him before he gets the chance.

Boost the Insanity!

Someone tell this grinning idiot that the reason you attach a lens to a camera is so you can take a close-up without actually physically jamming the camera into the subject's face. And that if you want to convince me to drink this canned junk, don't behave as if it contains Speed. 

Seriously. what the hell is wrong with you, stupid lady? 

(Oh and BTW, I'm not at all surprised that this is another Blocked Comments video.  Boost doesn't want any blowback for what is an obviously really, really stupid ad.

Turbo Tax is free, until it isn't

The YouTube comment posters really love this commercial- they love bleating "free," they like brownnosing all over TurboTax, and one even says that he loves the ad so much he'd buy the service except it's free.  Uh huh.

Here's the thing.  I've been a TurboTax customer for nine years.  I find the service extremely easy to use- possibly because I don't own anything and work with only two W2 forms- and generally am able to complete my Federal and State returns, pay the fees, and e-file in about half an hour.  I have never had a problem with any returns completed with the TurboTax program, and usually get emails confirming acceptance of them by the Feds and State authorities inside of 48 hours.  I've never waited longer than two weeks for my refunds to be direct deposited.  Yes, the service works.

But...note that I included "pay the fees" in describing my experience with TurboTax.  TurboTax is NOT, for all practical purposes, "free" in any way, shape or form.  On average I end up paying about sixty dollars to e-file my returns, and that's after refusing to upgrade to the "Deluxe" version which is totally unnecessary because, as I stated above, I don't own anything.  Meanwhile, I get the same "File For Free" message on the website which remains there right up to the moment I start filling out the little boxes.

Here's how it works.  TurboTax typically offers free filing of your state return, IF you pay for filing your federal return at the same time.  So it's "free" in the same way a soda is free, just pay for the can before you open it.  Here's a tip- if you end up taking out your credit card and giving your number to a company that asks you for sixty dollars to finish completing and filing your "free" returns, the program wasn't free.   If you get to a page where you get two choices- the "standard" filing assistance for $49.95 or the "deluxe" version for $79.95, the program isn't free.  If you are "offered" the opportunity to have the cost of the filing subtracted from your refund "for a small extra fee," THE PROGRAM ISN'T FREE.

Now, I haven't researched this fully, so it's entirely possible that there is a way to get TurboTax to do your returns for free.  I suspect that it would involve printing all the completed documents up yourself, sticking them into an envelope, and sending them to the IRS, and come with all kinds of disclaimers concerning how TurboTax is not responsible in any way for delays in the Feds or the State officials getting your returns or you getting your refund.  I suspect that the "free" version comes with zero support and is covered with warnings that if you take the "free" option you are setting yourself up for disaster Better Click That $39.95 Button At The Very Least.  Far more likely, the "free" claim references nothing more than the Free If You Pay For This deal I mentioned in the previous paragraph.

Oh, guess what- I decided to check on the "free" claim at the TurboTax website.  Turns out that you CAN get a free filing using TurboTax IF your filing fits these categories:

• W-2 income
• Limited interest and dividend income reported on a 1099-INT or 1099-DIV
• Claim the standard deduction
• Earned Income Tax Credit (EIC)
• Child tax credits

I was quite correct in my prediction that using the free option means that you get no support from TurboTax if something goes wrong.  Nor do you have your documents stored in a safe place electronically unless you do that yourself.  So while you CAN technically file for free using TurboTax, it's a pretty bad idea.

Again- I use TurboTax. I LIKE TurboTax.  It works really, really well.  But the safe version is NOT  free.  Non-buyer beware.

Tom Brady's always too busy to do stuff like this

Heart-warming to know that Aaron Rodgers has a solid insurance policy on that palace he'll be living in with his one Superbowl ring after he's finally given his walking papers by Green Bay, isn't it?

University of Phoenix: It says University in the name, so.....

Larry Fitzgerald promised his mom that when his playing career was over, he'd finish college- is that what I was supposed to get out of this?

And then his mom died, but Larry Fitzgerald didn't forget his promise.  He decided to go back to school.  Well, that's sweet and nice and all that.

But then, Larry Fitzgerald decided that instead of finishing college, he'd get a worthless piece of paper from a for-profit diploma mill Not-University, the "University" of Phoenix.  I'm not at all sure that's what your mom had in mind, Larry.

But check out the YouTube comments- the heart-strings have been tugged and the tears are flowing, allegedly.  None of these people have watched the documentary Fail State, obviously.  I suggest they do.  I also suggest that all you idiots claiming that John McCain was a brave, patriotic, caring American icon watch it too- and then you can explain to me why Mr. Maverick wouldn't even listen to testimony concerning the University of Phoenix and other institutions that rip off students and taxpayers but instead stalked out of the committeeroom in a huff after accusing Senator Tom Harkin of being "against profit."

Good luck with that communications "degree," Larry.  I hope it at least came with a fancy frame and maybe a set of Ginzu knives.  You should get SOMETHING of value out of all that money.

The Pro Bowl: Television's annual celebration of celebrations

No, you didn't see Tom Brady at the Pro Bowl last year.  You haven't seen Tom Brady in the Pro Bowl any year, because a few decades ago they changed the Pro Bowl from the week after the Superbowl to the week before, and Tom Brady is too busy getting ready for the Superbowl to be in a stupid, meaningless All-Star Game where the only drama involves the constant possibility that someone's career is going to be ended by an injury occurring in a stupid, pointless, meaningless All-Star Game.

And you won't even see most of the best players in the NFL in the All-Star Game, because they've just finished their season with a playoff loss and want to start their brief vacations before tryouts start up again.  Plus there's that getting injured in a stupid, pointless, meaningless All-Star Game again.

But there IS a bit of honesty in this commercial, and all commercials for the Pro Bowl:  Pretty much all of the highlights will involve players posing, primping, and posturing for the camera whenever they do pretty much anything at all.  You know, just like every other NFL game during the regular season and the playoffs.  They just won't be the BEST players.  But if you just can't deal with a week without watching grown men flex their muscles and jump around to draw attention to the fact that they just did something they are paid to do, there's the Pro Bowl.  Enjoy.  I'll be doing something else.  ANYTHING else.