4imprint- because people really care about the quality of giveaway crap

When we are introduced to the character of Ernie Capadino (played by Jon Lovitz)  in the film A League of Their Own, he's sitting next to a salesman on a train.  The salesman is gushing with incredible enthusiasm about how he's traveling around the country pitching some product or another and how he's about to be promoted director of his company's western sales branch or something.  Capadino responds by laughing and telling the salesman "if I had your job, I'd kill myself."

I know it will sound mean, but that's exactly how I feel whenever I watch one of these ridiculous commercials for a company called 4Imprint.  I mean, try to imagine working for this company.  Your job is to pitch a service that slaps some other company's logo on everything from coffee travel mugs to ball point pens which can then be handed out as free crap at trade shows.  You have to know that none of this garbage is going to convince anyone to use any service, but will instead be used to replace the fading, dented, or lost (probably left on a train or at school or wherever because it has zero value to its owner) junk picked up at the LAST trade show.  4imprint doesn't even make the garbage.  It just stencils a name on garbage.  Wow, I'm sure that's what the stupid chirpy woman in this ad dreamed of doing when she was growing up. 

I'll be heading off to Louisville to grade for Educational Testing Service for the 11th straight year in June.  When I get there, I'll be handed a "welcome bag" which will probably include a travel mug, umbrella and almost unbelievably cheap carrying case all emblazoned with the logo for AP and The College Board.  The umbrella will be broken before summer is out.  The travel mug will still be around (if I haven't misplaced it) but the logo will be rubbed off by the end of the year.  I probably won't even bring the carrying case back with me because- well, there's only so much room in that suitcase.  But I sure hope that nobody actually took pride in making sure that stupid logo was slapped on that stupid junk Just Right to Impress Me, because that would be really, really sad.

In Xfinity land, Electronic Babysitters are the most awesome of all

Eventually, this kid will get hungry and discover that mommy and daddy abandoned her to her children and her bestest electronic friend to go spend the holidays in Aruba. 

Seriously, what the hell is going on here?  Someone just handed this kid a very expensive electronic device with access to cable, Netflix etc. and said "have fun with your dolls, kid, but be sure to just stay in this room?"  Little Daughter looks like the most socially isolated, lonely little twit in the universe, with her sole comfort an iPad with excellent connectivity.   At least she's been trained not to access "inappropriate" material on her filter-free Stimulus Machine.

Ok, maybe Mommy and Daddy didn't actually abandon this kid- maybe it's January 1 and they are just passed out in the other room, and Daughter knows better than to disturb them until at least noon.  Still, this is a pretty disturbing commercial. 

Seriously, though- someone explain this State Farm ad to me

The guy in this ad is dreaming of the "perfect life" which could be protected by State Farm Insurance- he imagines his wife making lawn sculptures, his son (or somebody, I don't know- that part where he nods at dad creeps me out too much for some reason) about to dive into a swimming pool, etc in the back yard of a big suburban mansion which includes a big yard to water....

And then the daydream is interrupted, to reveal...that the guy actually does have a swimming pool in the back yard of a big suburban mansion with a big yard to water.  The only difference is that his family are real people doing real stupid hick things around that big swimming pool, and not the perfect people he was daydreaming they were.

Since State Farm isnt' going to turn his stupid hick family into a Trophy Wife and Trophy Children, it's kind of hard to see what the point is here.  State Farm can help protect this dumb, ugly family from disaster so they can keep being dumb and ugly and the bane of the neighborhood?  So when dad kills himself with the toaster and makes it look like an accident, the rest of these jackasses can live off his insurance policy?  If that's the case, well....ok, go protect that and be my guess.  If that's not the case, well....the offer is still open.  Someone, please, explain this one to me. 

Weird Credit Union Commercial apparently played for laughs which never arrive

So at the beginning of this ad, Future Daddy is trying to put together a crib for a baby which has not quite arrived yet.  He's interrupted by Very Pregnant Future Mommy, who pulls that obnoxiously cutesy "we" bit when she tells Future Daddy "we're early."  Not going to get into that at all except to say-- no, "we" are not.

And here's where the ad goes completely off the rails.  Instead of immediately getting Future Mommy to the hospital, Future Daddy stops off at a store to clean it out of diapers, talcum powder and whatever the heck else is considered Very Important Stuff for new babies.  Future Mommy is sitting in the parking lot, in the car, beeping the horn- maybe to remind Future Daddy that she's still waiting to be taken to the hospital to have their baby.  I really hope that among the thoughts flying through her head is one that resembles "Oh my god I married a guy who thinks that we need to bring diapers and talcum powder and formula to the hospital with us, what the hell did I get myself into here?"

Everything works out ok- Future Daddy uses his Credit Union Debit Card to buy the stuff really fast and they get to the hospital on time (I assume, I mean, we don't see anyone giving birth in a parking lot) and in the final scene we see Mommy and Daddy and new Baby who (for the moment) has no idea what an incredibly stupid human being Daddy is.  He'll have plenty of time to find out, assuming Daddy doesn't accidentally kill him before he gets the chance.

Boost the Insanity!

Someone tell this grinning idiot that the reason you attach a lens to a camera is so you can take a close-up without actually physically jamming the camera into the subject's face. And that if you want to convince me to drink this canned junk, don't behave as if it contains Speed. 

Seriously. what the hell is wrong with you, stupid lady? 

(Oh and BTW, I'm not at all surprised that this is another Blocked Comments video.  Boost doesn't want any blowback for what is an obviously really, really stupid ad.

Turbo Tax is free, until it isn't

The YouTube comment posters really love this commercial- they love bleating "free," they like brownnosing all over TurboTax, and one even says that he loves the ad so much he'd buy the service except it's free.  Uh huh.

Here's the thing.  I've been a TurboTax customer for nine years.  I find the service extremely easy to use- possibly because I don't own anything and work with only two W2 forms- and generally am able to complete my Federal and State returns, pay the fees, and e-file in about half an hour.  I have never had a problem with any returns completed with the TurboTax program, and usually get emails confirming acceptance of them by the Feds and State authorities inside of 48 hours.  I've never waited longer than two weeks for my refunds to be direct deposited.  Yes, the service works.

But...note that I included "pay the fees" in describing my experience with TurboTax.  TurboTax is NOT, for all practical purposes, "free" in any way, shape or form.  On average I end up paying about sixty dollars to e-file my returns, and that's after refusing to upgrade to the "Deluxe" version which is totally unnecessary because, as I stated above, I don't own anything.  Meanwhile, I get the same "File For Free" message on the website which remains there right up to the moment I start filling out the little boxes.

Here's how it works.  TurboTax typically offers free filing of your state return, IF you pay for filing your federal return at the same time.  So it's "free" in the same way a soda is free, just pay for the can before you open it.  Here's a tip- if you end up taking out your credit card and giving your number to a company that asks you for sixty dollars to finish completing and filing your "free" returns, the program wasn't free.   If you get to a page where you get two choices- the "standard" filing assistance for $49.95 or the "deluxe" version for $79.95, the program isn't free.  If you are "offered" the opportunity to have the cost of the filing subtracted from your refund "for a small extra fee," THE PROGRAM ISN'T FREE.

Now, I haven't researched this fully, so it's entirely possible that there is a way to get TurboTax to do your returns for free.  I suspect that it would involve printing all the completed documents up yourself, sticking them into an envelope, and sending them to the IRS, and come with all kinds of disclaimers concerning how TurboTax is not responsible in any way for delays in the Feds or the State officials getting your returns or you getting your refund.  I suspect that the "free" version comes with zero support and is covered with warnings that if you take the "free" option you are setting yourself up for disaster Better Click That $39.95 Button At The Very Least.  Far more likely, the "free" claim references nothing more than the Free If You Pay For This deal I mentioned in the previous paragraph.

Oh, guess what- I decided to check on the "free" claim at the TurboTax website.  Turns out that you CAN get a free filing using TurboTax IF your filing fits these categories:

• W-2 income
• Limited interest and dividend income reported on a 1099-INT or 1099-DIV
• Claim the standard deduction
• Earned Income Tax Credit (EIC)
• Child tax credits

I was quite correct in my prediction that using the free option means that you get no support from TurboTax if something goes wrong.  Nor do you have your documents stored in a safe place electronically unless you do that yourself.  So while you CAN technically file for free using TurboTax, it's a pretty bad idea.

Again- I use TurboTax. I LIKE TurboTax.  It works really, really well.  But the safe version is NOT  free.  Non-buyer beware.

Tom Brady's always too busy to do stuff like this

Heart-warming to know that Aaron Rodgers has a solid insurance policy on that palace he'll be living in with his one Superbowl ring after he's finally given his walking papers by Green Bay, isn't it?