Probably still cheaper than Scientology

Meet the cult leaders who want you to buy into the idea that you are just a "free" ($2000) seminar away from unlocking the secrets to house-flipping (just another $30K investment required) so you can become successful just like these adorable people.  Think they might be trying to scam you?  Come on, look how sweet they are, and check out that adorable dog!  Nobody who talks about their dog the way this wonderful couple does could be anything but 100 percent honest, right?

So tune into the next chapter of "Meet the Yancey's," get to know these amazing people who Just Want to Show You How to Be The Best You Can Be Just Like Them, and maybe you'll learn how to get rich while sitting on the couch.  Well no, not really- Scott Yancey and his Wife From Central Casting don't teach their "students" how to create youtube videos designed to draw suckers into "free" seminars which look and sound like revival meetings.  They teach you how to empty your wallet into their bank account to learn how to (yawn, seriously, still?) flip houses.  In other words, the packaging is shiny and new but there's nothing original about the product; cripes, hucksters were pitching this garbage before the internet was a thing.  I bet you can still find this basic pitch on VHS tapes somewhere, sold to some loser forty years ago in a commercial which showed up during Late Night Monster Theater on Channel 56.  It was probably more convincing than the version these wax figurines present here.

Oh and by the way, Yanceys?  Unless the title meant "Meet the Yancey's Dog," there's no reason for the apostrophe before the "s" in Yanceys.  Maybe your marketing guru should invest in Grammarly?

Oh, and one more thing: check out this hilarious "unbiased review" of the Yancey pitch.  Gag.

https://www.highya.com/scott-yancey-reviews

Allstate's Mayhem Commercials are black holes of comedy, which explains why Americans love them so much

See, it's funny 'cause the black guy keeps yelling "what?"  That makes it funny.  And it gets more funny every time he yells "what?"

Plus it's got that guy who has done this mayhem thing like a thousand times in a thousand different commercials.  That never gets old, 'cause I've got the brain of a chick pea and I like stuff that's familiar and not too hard to think about.

I hope they keep making these mayhem commercials 'cause I like them they make me laugh and that's what I look for in commercials.  I love it when the mayhem guy gets hurt too, plus when that other guy keeps yelling "what?"  And best of all I like telling people on YouTube how much I like these commercials.  I was gonna just reply "what?" but like a dozen people already did that LOL.  I'm gonna do it anyway though 'cause "what?"

Booking.com will get you to hell for less

At booking.com, we can't promise that your kids won't be bored out of their minds twenty minutes into that vacation to the middle of nowhere to pan for pretty dirt in a creek unless that big not-cabin you rented has excellent WiFi, but we can guarantee the best possible rate for that vacation your wife and kids will be complaining about for years to come and which ended any chance that your vacation suggestions would ever be taken seriously again by your family.

I may be being a bit generous with the "twenty minutes" estimate.  That looks like a pretty nice cabin.  I think it's more likely that inside of fifteen minutes the children in this ad are long past any interest in dipping a screen into a creek and are sitting in that cabin checking out the satellite package and texting nasty comments about Stupid Dad and his Stupid Idea of Fun to their friends who are at a cool beach or amusement park someplace.  Maybe the cabin has a hot tub?  Something?  Anything that doesn't lead everyone to angrily demand an explanation for why the family's two freaking weeks of vacation per year is being spent a few miles down the road from Jackson Hole Bible College and a thousand miles from Planet Interesting?

Three points concerning this Danny DeVito Quickbooks Commercial

1.  It's perfectly normal to Josie Gonzalez (who is really cute, btw) to be handed financial advice from Danny DeVito because....well, because this is television, I guess.

2.  It's perfectly fine to portray a dog groomer living in a freaking palace in the suburbs.  Because dog groomers running their own small, one-employee businesses regularly make $250K annually.  Uh-huh.

3.  Josie Gonzalez doesn't have a single line in this entire ad.  Why not?  I strongly suspect that it's because Danny DeVito, for all his concern for the success of this small business, had zero interest in sharing lines with a non-actor.  So Josie Gonzalez is oddly mute during her scenes, which comes off as more than a little awkward and weird.

Does P3 stand for Three Times the Pollution?

So instead of spending thirty seconds chopping up a cup of cold turkey and cheese and adding a handful of nuts, this woman is going to buy the same thing in "convenient" packaging which will be sitting in a landfill leaching toxins for the next ten thousand years.  And she'll feel superior doing it.

Only the country which created Lunchables and put Sunny Delight in 4-ounce plastic bottles and taught us all how to drink coffee brewed in individual plastic cups could pull this off AND sell it as a virtue.

Nobody has to pay me to avoid eating Dominos Pizza, but thanks anyway

Oh look, it's another one of those commercials which feature a very straightforward offer that must be questioned by half a dozen people who are too rock-brained to get it the first five times.  Aren't those always so hilarious?

I almost want the Dominos Pizza Spokeschoad to respond to "what about anchovies?" with "well, no, that's the exception to our Any Pizza offer.  No anchovies.  Glad you asked.  We forgot about that one."  I also wish he had responded to the dog with the chew toy with either "no, the offer is for humans only" or "I'd stick with that rubber pizza, I can almost guarantee it tastes better than anything Dominos makes."

In the end, it's all about bribing us to put down that GOOD pizza we've been eating and buy a BAD pizza from Dominos on the theory that Cheap is Better than Good.

And I'm not going to even point out that the only black woman in the entire commercial has no other lines other than "WHAAAAAAAA???"  Haha, sassy black women are so funny, aren't they?  Another winner, Dominos!  I guess after Papa John, you pretty much have carte blanche to do anything now, don't you?

Chrysler Pacifica: As shallow as it gets, I hope

Finally having some Quality Time with her thoughts, weird twitchy airhead proceeds to waste that time thinking vacant non-thoughts no human being with two brain cells to rub together thinks.  And, as implied previously, must summon a significant amount of facial muscle energy to accomplish even that.

(I mean, seriously- I can almost hear the director yelling "show me Confusion!  Show me Contemplation!  Now give me a quizzical look!"  No Oscar nominations in this woman's future, that's for sure.*)

This woman is recognized* by a trophy wife driving the same vehicle who assumes that the first woman- when she isn't struggling to contort her face to let us know she's "thinking" things- is green and all that, whatever.  And the punchline is that the first woman is just taking the opportunity to jam a giant sandwich into her mouth at the light.  This is funny Because Reasons.

Not too much more to say about this ad, except to note that it's the first car commercial I've seen in ages which actually mentions certain attributes of the automobile beyond it's WiFi capablities.  We don't even see anyone yakking on their phones in this ad, which is at least one small step forward.  It's still a gigantic Salute to Stupid, but at least it doesn't promote behavior that puts me in danger every time I cross the street.  I do wish that it didn't suggest that driving a two-ton piece of metal that keeps the DRIVER safe is a good time to list the most banal thoughts that have ever popped into the head of any biped ever, but I know that suggesting it's time better spent paying attention to one's surroundings is a bridge too far for most people, so I'll take what I can get.

*I see that this is another You're Supposed To Know Who This Is commercial featuring a Well-Known To People Addicted to Some Mind-Numbingly Dumb Show actress.  Proud to say that I don't know who she is, nor do I care.