Racist Geico Ad: This guy does everything but bow

I watched or listened to the first five seconds of this ad about 200 times before watching it all the way through (simply for the purpose of using it at this blog.)  Thank god for the Skip Ad feature, but the first five seconds are painful enough....

1.  What does any of this have to do with car insurance?

2.  Nothing racist at ALL about showing an Asian guy engaging a group of ninjas (or whoever, I don't watch this again) in defense of....something....I don't know.  And of course it's an Asian guy who is just a stupid fat middle-class schlub who has been fantasizing about being a martial arts expert/secret agent when he was supposed to be discussing car insurance.  And I guess all this has to do with "style" which, again, has exactly WHAT to do with car insurance?

Any chance any future car insurance ads will actually explain the coverage offered?  Any chance at all?

McDonald's Stupid St Patrick's Day Commercial- Another Look Back

Ah, the good old days- when portraying certain nationalities as cartoonish cliche'd caricatures was just fine because Hey I Know People Like This And They Think It's Funny.

Here's a family of....well, I'm going to guess they're Irish, only because it's about ten thousand time even more offensive if they are not..."celebrating" St Patrick's Day by heading off to McDonald's and ordering green milkshakes and wearing stupid green plastic bowlers because That's How You Show You're Irish and that You're Proud of Your Irish Heritage.  Then they do a little dancing because That's How Irish People Are, too.  Later the kids will walk in the parade while grampa gets blasted at O'Dooley's like he does every weekend anyway.  The day ends with the whole family gathered around the tv to watch Notre Dame win the 1977 NCAA title on VHS.

I'm sorry, but this is pretty rank, nasty stuff even if it is just making fun of the whitest people on the planet.  I'm guessing it wouldn't pass the smell test today.  Certainly if it did manage to accidentally make it on to the airwaves, it would be greeted with protests and "grow up you SJW snowflakes I know Irishmen and they all love this ad" counter-protests.  Heck, since everything old is new again, I wonder why McDonald's doesn't just throw this ad on tv for today and today only to see how much attention they can get out of it.

(One thing people might note is that in 1983, these milkshakes didn't even come topped with whipped cream.  It's as if people back then thought that there were enough empty calories in these things without it.  Weirdos.)

34 years later, I have to comment on this Fancy Feast Ad

I'll use my usual excuse first:  the internet simply wasn't a thing back in 1985.  When this ad first appeared on tv, I was a Sophomore in college and probably too busy working on an essay assignment or studying for anthropology with my girlfriend to take much notice of stupid commercials. But also, being a non-pet owner it's very easy for me to just tune out during ads featuring food for the dirty little mammals some people just insist on populating their homes with. 

Anyway, a few things about this vintage Fancy Feast commercial:  First, there's the butler bringing in a tray holding about a dozen cans of the stuff to show the "customer."  What, is that cat going to pick out which flavor it wants to eat tonight?  I kind of doubt it- so why not just open the can somewhere else and just bring in the food?  Why go through the trouble of stacking all those cans and carrying them on a tray into a room just so you can open one and bring the rest back?  Think this butler guy ever took a moment to reflect on how horrible wrong his life had gone?

Also, what's with the idea of serving the food in a wine glass (is that a wine glass? Or a tiny candy dish?  I really don't know what that container would be used for if not cat food- but are there really cat dishes that look like this?  If so, why?  Are they made of glass?  Plastic?  I bet plastic.  Is it safe to assume that this glass/dish thing is for the exclusive use of the cat, and it's not going to be washed and added to the family china set?)

Why is the very least impressive thing shown in this ad the actual cat food?  It just looks like cat food, at least until it's flaked with the fork.  Then it looks like cat food that's been doctored up to make it look better than it is (didn't work.)  Meanwhile, what's the cat thinking?  My guess is it's thinking "just put the damn food down so I can get at it already." 

I'd say people were weird in 1985- and I'd be right- but it's not like they are any better now.  Check out radio ads for Vitabite dog food.  Those people are INSANE.  It was fun to be nostalgic for a few minutes, though.  So there is that.

Buick: Enough already

Nobody Nobody NOBODY has a fixed idea in their heads of what a "Buick" looks like, sorry Buick!

And Nobody Nobody Nobody says things like "that's my Buick," "where's my Buick?" or "how are we all going to fit into your Buick?"  Because no matter how hard you want us to think of them like BMWs or Audis, they aren't BMWs or Audis.  They are just freaking cars- cars that impress nobody, cars that look like every other car that isn't a BMW or Audi.

Navy Federal Credit Union lets us know that our vets are as obnoxious as anyone else

I guess this would have been even FUNNIER if this woman's friend hadn't been holding on tightly when she was pushed and ended up suffering a severe injury.  Wouldn't that have been an absolute laugh riot?

Meanwhile, this woman feels "absolutely secure" in using her instant-pay Federal Navy Credit Union app while in the middle of the woods, connected via who knows what crappy, probably very insecure service.  Why anyone would need to use this app is beyond me- I go away from time to time, even into the woods, and manage to get my bills paid without EVER using my phone to do it because, well, I'm capable of planning ahead.  I can use my laptop from home or even write a check and mail it now and then rather than wait till the last minute when I have to interrupt a vacation including tromping through the woods to get on an App and send money I could have sent before I left the freaking house.  What the hell is with you people, anyway?

I'd like to end with a shout-out to a very special YouTube commentator named Vince Cartelli.  Vince Cartelli is very, very upset with all us snowflakes who don't like ads like this.  Actually, I'm not even sure that "upset" is the right word.  It's bigger than that.  Vince sounds like he sees complaints about commercials as a sure sign that the End Times are upon us.  For the sake of your own heart rate, I want you to avoid this blog at all costs, Vince.  But by all means, keep after those Triggered Social Justice Warrior Snowflakes!  You tell 'em, Vince!

Wells Fargo Dog Ad

"It's fine.... your human isn't listening...."

And nor should she.  If Wells Fargo wants to make an ad in which a dog "talks" to the dog in the viewer's home, the viewer should feel perfectly free to tune out and let that dog deliver whatever message it wants to the viewer's dog.  Hey Wells Fargo, if you can sell my goldfish a line of credit, feel free to do that, too.  But you don't get to insult me with this crap and think you're going to win me (the one with the actual money and language skills and legal ability to seek you out for a mortgage) over with noxious, manipulative nonsense like this.

Meanwhile, to those of you who think steaming piles of dung like the Talking/Thinking Like a Human Trope is still cute (or ever was,) let alone persuasive, let my remind you that the dog featured in this ad has no idea it's being filmed, has no idea that a horrifically annoying human voice is being used to narrate it's non-thoughts, or that it's being used to sell a product it can't come anywhere close to comprehending.  Because it's a f--king DOG.  It thinks "its human" is a bigger, more powerful dog it must respect if it wants to survive.  The "home of its dreams" is a shelter with enough warmth to be comfortable and enough food to allow it to continue to carry out its regular bodily functions.  That's IT.

Robocop, KFC and the endless revolving door of "Colonels"

1.  The family in this ad is so uninterested in the free chicken and biscuits which has suddenly shown up at their doorway that they have no reaction at all to the Robocop character presenting it.  In fact, when the character repeats the offer, one member of the family actually attempts to "shush" it, I guess so she can focus on the thirty-year old* film on her screen.

2.  It's not until the Robocop character actually threatens the family with punishment unless it "complies" within fifteen seconds that the family lunges for the fried bird parts.  So the message of this commercial seems to be "you'd never voluntarily consume this crap.  You will, however, agree to eat it if faced with violence if you don't."

3.  What is it with KFC and it's never-ending parade of Colonel Sanders impersonator spokeschoads?  Randy Quaid has had the job.  Then Darrell Hammond.  Norm Macdonald had the gig for a while and seemed to be doing ok.  George Hamilton, Ray Liotta...and about five minutes ago, KFC made a bit of a splash by hiring Jason Alexander for the role of fried chicken huckster who died forty years ago.  Is getting hired for this gig just a matter of hanging around Hollywood long enough?

*Which Robocop film is this family watching?  I hope it's not the original, which is way too violent for that kid, and probably not something anyone wants to be watching while eating.  If it's Robocop 3 or the more recent remake it's nothing anyone wants to be watching period.