How to sell $2 for $17.95

 https://youtu.be/p9RGSu8JYn8

Just slap some cheap color "art" on to $2 bills and sell it to the same people who mount Trump flags to their pickups and stocked up on Trumpy Bears and love wearing their If This Shirt Offends You Learn Some History Confederate flag T-shirts and spending evenings looking at their Lock Her Up Commemorative Coins.  

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the gullibility of the American Public- Mark Twain, among others.   I'd add that plenty of the members of that gullible public are perfectly happy to go broke if they can Annoy the Libs along the way to the poor house.  You can bet that when they get there, they'll be leaning heavily on their Social Security, Affordable Health Care coverage, and all those other Socialist programs that continue to destroy America because the China Virus and the Post Office conspired to bring down the Bestest President Ever in November, 2020.

Hey Wendy's, I'm distracted....

 https://youtu.be/Ueqs_u0xT7A

1.  No gloves being used in the handling of the food.

2.  The food is unwrapped as it sails down the bar, past g-d knows how many people.

3.  It passes at least ONE person because that phone it "dodges" isn't sitting there drinking by itself.

4.  It stops at a pack of (also uncovered) French Fries and a soda which I guess was sent flying down the bar ahead of time.  Not sure why that happened.

This would be a stupid commercial WITHOUT taking into account the Illness that Shall Not Be Named.  It's downright criminal these days. 

Fidelity to your own Gain

 https://youtu.be/1qGOvQrSY8s

I'm sorry, but if you need to jump on some "Fidelity Investments Dashboard" when you get up every morning, then your life has become one endless obsession with money and you really need to reassess your priorities.

I remember reading somewhere that the people who have the happiest lives and comfortable retirements are the ones who use an established brokerage firm to put away money every month, ignore the dips and rises of the market, and don't inquire into the balance until it's time to draw from it.  These people don't spend their lives obsessing over money, don't experience sleepless nights during selloffs....they just go about the business of Living.  They remember the reason why they hired a broker in the first place- so that they wouldn't have to do all this fretting and juggling. 

Oh, and what about all those people who did panic and sell this spring?  Well, they didn't do it because they had this Dashboard or an App on their Smartphones which sent them into a desperate frenzy.  The people who freaked out and sold were the people who are already retired and using those investments to supplement their laughably small Social Security checks, or the small investors who never had any faith in the market and got spooked by bad advice and gave people who DO use things like this Dashboard and investment Apps.   And who bought those stocks at a bargain?  I just answered that question, didn't I?

No Evidence Google Knows What It's Doing

 https://youtu.be/jQWrmxsQIM0

At the only blog I visit daily which is not my own, I am confronted- constantly- by a visually disgusting ad for a product I've used before but do not want to be reminded that I had to use and don't need color photographs reminding me of why I used it. 

Every. Single. Time.  

So I click on the "Feedback" tab and let Google know "I Am Not Interested in this Ad."  Google couldn't care less.  I keep getting versions of the same ad.  Still gross.  Still not interested. 

So I take another tack and click "Have seen this ad multiple times."  Google couldn't care less.  I've seen it multiple times?  Well, I guess I should get ready to see it even more times.  Does Google think that "Have seen this ad multiple times" is a thumbs-up from me?  Well, that would certainly explain a few things now, wouldn't it?  "This ad is on hundreds of times a day" translates to "people love our ad" in Google World, apparently.

To add insult to injury, Google always responds to my clicking with "Thank You.  Your Feedback Improves Google Ads."  Oh, does it?  After several weeks of this, there's no indication that Google gives a flying damn about my response.  Unless, again, it thinks that because I responded it means I liked the ad, and never mind that my responses would be seen as Negative by any human being.  And the fact that I've responded multiple times would scream STOP SHOWING ME THIS CRAP to any human being.

Google...seriously.  Stop this.  I've even started to click other advertisements at other sites hoping to convince Google to try to sell me something else, ANYTHING else.  I'd like to think that Google was just trying to harass me into complaining about their Amazing Ad Tools here.  Well, mission accomplished, Google.  Can we move on now, please? Please?

Rocket Mortgage is Just Weird

 https://youtu.be/wsm6uQrfnmg

Apparently, a group of geniuses at some ad agency was hired by Rocket Mortgage and told to come up with a commercial featuring a young family deciding that they needed a bigger house.  This group of geniuses put their heads together, racking their brains in an attempt to pick the very best reason why any family would want or need a bigger house.  Because they don't live in Reality and have zero experience with the Real World, this is what they came up with:

When do you realize you need a bigger house?  When one of your children....um....uses a magic marker to decorate his own face.  Yeah, that's it.  That's a good enough reason.  Let's pretend it makes sense, because we're useless, it's getting late, and if we don't get back to Rocket Mortgage within the next few days they are going to dump us and hire another ad agency.

So here we go.  This family has a small house- so small that 75% of them have to sit around a table in the same room together as they Still Don't Actually Interact.  It's ALREADY cramped, you see.  Then the fourth member of this group shows up with marker on his face.  And that's it- time for a bigger house, so we....um, don't have to sit in the same room together?  Don't need to see this kid anymore?  Won't feel compelled to KILL OUR KIDS if one of them does something mildly annoying/completely innocent but has to be portrayed as annoying because we've got that deadline with Rocket Mortgage?

Anyway, you can just respond to this...um....red flag....by whipping out your phone and applying for a Rocket Mortgage inside of thirty seconds.  Life-altering decision made....based on....this.  

I just....seriously, what the hell is going on, Rocket Mortgage?

TRIVAC WORX VACUUM! BECAUSE F--- SOCIETY!!

 https://youtu.be/lzLXCVNJGq8

"Know how every time you eat or drink or socialize outside, you and all your guests are ridiculous slobs who just leave cups and forks and plates and bowl and cheez-its and napkins everywhere because nobody knows how to behave like a civilized human being and use a trash can anymore?  Well, now there's the Trivac Worx Vacuum Cleaner System to solve all your Completely Relatable Cleanup Problems!"

Here, let me just turn it on and show you how 

EASY IT IS TO DO A QUICK CLEAN-UP AT POOLSIDE, ALL AROUND YOUR LAWN, YOUR DRIVEWAY, ANYWHERE YOU ENTERTAIN!!  AND DON'T FORGET THE REC ROOM, HUBBY'S MAN CAVE, EVERYWHERE THERE'S A MESS!"

"WHERE'S LES?"

"NO NOT LES, MESS!  EVERYWHERE THERE'S A MESS!  SEE HOW MUCH EASIER IT IS TO CLEAN?"

"WHAT?  WHO'S BEING MEAN?"

"NOT MEAN, CLEAN!  I SAID CLEAN!  THIS MAKES IT SO MUCH EASIER TO CLEAN!  JUST ONE PUSH OF THE BUTTON AND YOU'RE JOB IS DONE!"

"WHAT?  WHO WON?"

And it takes up very little space; just store it next to your snowblower and leafblower.  For an extra $19.99 we'll include military-grade noise-cancellation headsets.  Buy a pair for everyone in your family. As for the people who live on your street...well, that's just another problem this amazing product solves: Too-friendly neighbors.  Trust me- a couple of weekends of using this baby, and they'll never talk to you again.  

Start your kids on their journey to morbid obesity and diabetes early!

 https://youtu.be/Yz_Sb7m2bYQ

I just....I just can't with this thing.  Maybe it's because I spent all day yesterday driving to Vermont for fall break and I'm really tired, maybe I'm sick of living under a proto-Fascist administration which is currently reminding me of Russia in the days after Stalin died or Spain in the final days of Franco.  Maybe being in a bad mood is just My Normal.

Or maybe I'm just done seeing commercials for products which make it quick and easy to produce fatty junk for the whole family.  French fries, stuffed hamburgers, and now this bizarre Marshmallows mixed with other non-foods Frankenstein's Monster Creator that's fun for everyone who lives in your house from Age 4 to 9 (I didn't get through the entire 2 minutes 15 seconds of this- do any adults show up to supervise,* or do they just exist to make sure that there's an adequate supply of marshmallows, chocolate chips, M&Ms, sprinkles, and every other nutrition-free product capable of being squished into a blob of sugary goo using this device?)

*this would actually be easier to take if we were told these are free-range children who simply don't have parents, because this product is exactly the kind of thing we could see unsupervised kids using but we'd be horrified to find as a regular go-to in a home with actual adult supervision.