I have a question for local news hosts; not just the ones in the Washington DC area but everywhere in the United States:
When are you clowns going to figure out that the only thing people with actual jobs want from local morning news is Weather, Traffic and Headlines? We aren't looking for goofy, giggling or (groan) SINGING wannabee comedians at 6 AM as we shake off our weariness and get ready to go earn our livings. We don't care if you like each other. We don't care how many kids you have or what your hobbies are. And we sure as hell don't want to get to know you over the airwaves.
Weather, Traffic, Headlines. This isn't complicated. All the rest of this is just noisy, showy crap. We're really sorry you haven't Gone National. We're sorry you aren't as Big as you think you deserve to be. And by "we," I mean "maybe other people," because seriously, I don't even give that much of a damn. The only reason I even know about you is because I don't have cable in my home office so I have to put up with these stupid, self-indulgent Valentines to yourselves.
So don't joke. Don't sing. Don't tweak each other and if you never dance or hug or do anything but give me information that might make my morning a little easier, that would be just great.
Weather. Traffic. Headlines. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Otherwise, STFU and stop trying to get me to give a flying damn. Make some real friends (not those coworkers) or get therapy or something. Because this is just so sad.
Not shown: This Subaru makes four extra stops during the 2-hour trip back to Grandma's house which to the granddaughter feels like two days.
Shown: Grandma makes a dangerous spectacle of herself by running up to a total stranger who happened to glance at her granddaughter to get his phone number (and, I'm just going to guess because Grandma is a moron, give her granddaughter's number to the guy.)
Shown: Granddaughter chuckles, rolls her eyes, and gives the total stranger a little wave.
Not Shown: Granddaughter makes a mental note to change her phone number and to have a long talk with Grandma about mutual respect, boundaries, etc. And about how this isn't the freaking 19th century or a 1950s sitcom.*
Shown: Granddaughter drops Grandma off at Grandma's house.
Not Shown: Granddaughter makes a mental note to never, ever spend time with Grandma outside of Grandma's own home ever again.
*how freaking old is Grandma, anyway? Seventy? That would mean she was born in 1950 and became an adult in the late 60s-early 70s. How does her "let me run and get the phone number of a cute total stranger at a gas stop for my single granddaughter" gel with the times she came of age in?
These Indeed commercials run on XM Radio all day, every day, on every news channel, and every time I hear that guy respond "Indeed you do," I want to reach into the radio and punch his face. Seriously, he's got the most punchable voice on radio.
And it's not even the most cringe-worthy part of the radio ads. That comes when The Awful Voice says "finding the best candidates for your job is like, well....it's like finding a needle in a haystack." Yeah, I'm not kidding. That's the metaphor they use. Which leaves me wondering: did Indeed use their own service to find someone to write this ad? Because wow- if they did....they just gave us the best reason imaginable to use another headhunter service. ANY other headhunter service. Except maybe the one that hired the guy who came up with "Indeed you do."
The people in this ad have (at least) two large laptop PCs, an HD large-screen tablet, and a Peloton Bike, all taking up space in an enormous suburban home with a huge fireplace, spacious back yard, playing with still more expensive toys in that back yard while waiting for their dinner to be delivered to their doorstep.
Yeah, I don't give one flying damn about these people.
It didn't even occur to these Pat Mahomes toadies to just ask Jake from State FarmTM if they could get a Totally Awesome Deal from State Farm without getting Pat Mahomes hair styles. Hell, it didn't even occur to them how totally creepy and weird it was to assume that the reason Pat Mahomes was getting that Totally Awesome Deal was because he looked like Pat Mahomes. Maybe they were too busy being Not At All Creeped Out by the fact that they never see Pat Mahomes anywhere without Jake from State FarmTM hanging around with him?
It also didn't occur to State Farm that this ad has exactly ten seconds of actual content (such as it is) followed by grins, shrugs, rolled eyes, and awkward "seriously, that's all there is to this" filler. Maybe because there seems to be a population of witless drooling idiots who enjoy these insultingly stupid commercials because Hey Look It's Pat Mahomes (again.) And Hey Look it's Jake From State FarmTM having absolutely nothing to do with himself except hang out with Pat Mahomes Because Reasons (Aaron Rodgers filed a restraining order, perhaps?)
So as near as I can figure, the little girl in this ad is making one ornament after another and then having her mother drive her to the family mailbox- which apparently is several miles away, WTF?- so she can have it delivered to her father who is stationed overseas. So far, so good- except, again, what is the deal with these people living so far away from their mailbox that it's a significant drive to send and pick up mail?
The mom asks the little girl "one more?" and the little girl nods the affirmative. Good thing too, because as it turns out, Daddy has come home (sort of) and has decorated the tree next to the mailbox with his daughter's homemade Christmas ornaments. And was just....ummm....waiting behind a tree, hopefully inside his own Toyota because it looks kind of cold out, for his daughter and wife to show up and...umm....
Ok, I know I'm repeating myself, but What. The Actual. Hell. How long has this guy been hanging around the mailbox decorating that tree? How did he even manage to put ornaments up that high- is there a ladder folded up in the back of that Toyota? What would have happened if Daughter had decided that she was all done sending Daddy ornaments? Would mommy have just called Daddy on the cell phone to tell him that the whole "meet by the mailbox Christmas tree" bit wasn't going to work and he could just finish driving home now? How much elaborate planning did you people put into this? Has Daddy been "home" for days, but you avoided having him come home and cheering his daughter up because her sadness over Daddy's absence was just way to cute to spoil until the last minute? WHAT IS ALL THIS, TOYOTA???
