A 2-minute Nissan Rogue Commercial that feels like 2 hours

 

1.  I really thought this was going to be one of those twee "important message" ads about disconnected parents when we see the father blathering away in bumper-sticker "business speak" while the rest of the family looks like their valium is kicking in.  Which confused me because it's clear in all these ads that we are supposed to admire the "connectivity" and see it as a bonus.

2.  It couldn't be more obvious that the kid in the back seat was asked by the director to "show sadness" or something, because that miserable hand-in-chin, eyes-on-the-floor posture is so cliche'd it's almost painful.  We get it.  He's sad.  Probably about his dad being "disconnected" from his life, or something.

3.  Nissan really, really wants to highlight the mirrors in this ad.  I don't know why.  All cars have mirrors.  This one has a rearview mirror that can be adjusted-- manually.  Wow, that's innovation right there, Nissan.  And mom uses the mirror too, to-- check what's behind her?  Show us her face from a different angle?

4.  These people spent a ridiculous amount of time just sitting in that parking lot before getting out of the car.  What the hell is going on here?  Combined with the monotone of their "conversation," I'm starting to pass out here.  And I'm not on valium.

5.  They ask the kid to exit the car and check the back, and the look on the kid's face tells you that the director told him to smile slightly as he goes through the motions of taking his cue.  The acting here is just atrocious.  I am not invested in the slightest.

6.  The kid waves his foot in front of the rear hatch which opens it- never mind that Dad is still in the driver's seat (are they going to get out of the car at some point, or are they just dropping this kid in an otherwise abandoned park?) and is more than capable of opening it from there.  Maybe the kid really, really likes using the magic foot-sensor thing which added hundreds of dollars to the cost of the family SameMobile while having no real utility.  

7.  Hey look, the "parents" actually managed to get out of the car to see their kids' response to getting a bat for his birthday- just think, if they had exited the car WITH him, they could have just given him the bat themselves and seen the look on his (sleepy, bored, painfully unconvincing) face when he got it.  And the kid is sooo excited about getting the bat, you'd think he had just listened to his father finish a conference call or used his foot to open the hatch.  This kid is totally pumped about getting that bat, I tell you....

8.  Now what?  I guess the kid was nervous about trying out for the team, or being in the first game- perhaps feeling the pressure brought on by the fact that both parents are dressed in team colors and are therefore 100 percent invested in this whole baseball thing.  Not sure why the kid needs a bat, though- teams usually provide those.  His own glove would have made a lot more sense here, but it's clear that a whole lot of thought was put into something else and not this ad which, by the way, is for a Nissan Rogue which has great internet connectivity and a motion-controlled hatch.  The one featured in today's commercial included three non-actors who clearly met five minutes before shooting started and who all woke up ten minutes before that given the haze in which they speak every line and the painfully obvious lack of chemistry.  Wow, this one really hurt. 

Apple misunderstands our desire to get back to being Part of the World...

 

So instead of sitting inside staring at your computer screen, you can buy this and....sit outside staring at your computer screen.

And this means being "part of that world."  Uh huh.

How about this- turn your computer off and go outside and actually be PART OF THAT WORLD.

Oh right, I forgot- that's not being Productive.  We must be Productive.  You can go outside if you want, but only if you buy this Apple Product so when you go outside you can remain Productive.  And somehow this is supposed to be "better," because Reasons. 

But hey, at least the drooling minions who seem to populate every YouTube comment section featuring an electronic device loves this ad, love the song, love The Little Mermaid, and especially love being Charmed By That Song That Was In The Little Mermaid.  So that's something slightly more than nothing...I guess.

I'm going to rag on DailyPay a little more now.

 

This is such an obvious disaster in the making, I just can't stop thinking about it.

I mean, let's just consider this for a moment:  When you get a job, the first thing you learn is how to budget your money so you can get to your next paycheck.  As your salary expands, so does your budget.  You learn how to manage your money because you learn what money is actually worth.  If you're smart about it, you don't go through a period of youthful foolishness (like many of my fellow Boomers assume all kids go through when they first go to college.)  If you're like most people, you eventually figure out how to use your paychecks to get your bills taken care of, plus save for something special (like vacation, or retirement.)  But no matter what, you figure out how you are going to use your paycheck- and just as importantly, how you are going to manage between paychecks.

Besides the little "convenience fees" you are going to get sucked out of your earnings if you use this stupid App, I think the biggest reason this sends up red flags with me is because it's encouraging you to just Spend as you Go.  Never mind budgeting between paychecks- just spend your money as it comes in, Because You Can.  And if you go a little overboard, well, just read my previous post on the same product- it's just so easy to get an "advance" on your NEXT paycheck, for that "convenient," "small" fee.  

There's nothing fiscally sensible about any of this.  Nobody encourages their kids to spend their money as they make it, and certainly nobody encourages their kids to spend money BEFORE THEY HAVE IT.  Only people who are facing eviction should be using BS "services" like Rapid Refunds (pretending to get their tax refunds "faster" but actually just getting a loan using their anticipated refund as security.)  Only people in desperate straits- or people who just don't know how to budget, aren't interested in learning, and want to live day to day because paycheck to paycheck is too slow and besides remember that stuff about budgeting- will be using DailyPay.  And getting themselves in deep, deep trouble.

The Dailypay app: Making it even more expensive to be poor!

 

I guess it was really only a matter of time before the wonderful world of Payday Loans went high tech.  Here we've got a Really Ought to be Sad woman who can "afford" to fill her tank up with gas because she can get her paycheck "any time she wants" by using the "free" Dailypay app.  In other words, she can keep spending money even after her paycheck has been used up by borrowing on her next paycheck. 

It's just a Payday Loan.  I mean, how can this not be obvious to everyone?

I did a little research, and discovered something about as surprising as finding fat people at McDonald's. Turns out that while the Dailypay app is, technically, "free," the amount of money you can "advance" yourself is very limited unless you are willing to include "tips" along with your "advance" (unsecured loan) request.  The most common "suggested tip" is 9% for every one hundred dollars "advanced" (borrowed.)  Want to "access" your $1000 paycheck a day early?  No problem- it's just going to cost you $90.  You won't even notice, because you won't get a bill- it'll just get deducted from that $1000.  Easy Peezy, that's what Dailypay is all about, after all.  Well, that and convenience, anyway.

It's JUST A PAYDAY LOAN.  You aren't living within your means if you are willing to hand over a sizable chunk of your paycheck in order to get it a few days in advance.  And yes, in order to sign up for the "free" app you have to provide all kinds of information beyond your name- your address, sex, age, information concerning your income and BANK ROUTING NUMBER which of course will be used to quickly (and conveniently!) put the money you want "advanced" into your account so you can fill that tank, never mind that you just handed really sensitive information to anonymous people operating a sleazy loan shark operation.  You got your gas money!

You can also transfer money for a "low flat fee" ($2.99 to $5.99) which far exceeds the transfer costs of Paypal, Venmo or any other service which caters to people who have credit cards and good credit scores.  Telling me that Dailypay is going to be really popular among those people who use Green Dot Cards, Money Orders and Pawn Shops to get along month to month.  So I guess if you have a Smart Phone, you've got a quick loan to help you gloss over the fact that you're drowning in this awesome, "recovering" economy.  But seriously, woman, you don't have to be so nonchalant about the fact that you technically don't have to make your money last paycheck to paycheck because you can use your phone to take out a high-interest loan.  I'd rather you be at least a LITTLE sad about this instead of acting like this is all just no big deal and Life is Good. 

Lume Cube fixes a problem I don't want fixed, thanks anyway....

 

"I'm driven.....and I really just want to help people.  That's why I would make a great candidate." 

Seriously, I decided to write an entire post on this stupid, over-engineered light that attaches to your laptop to "improve" (why does anyone thing people being able to see you makes remote connectivity better?) Zoom conferences.  Because I really couldn't get my head around a minute and a half of watching people with what is seriously the ultimate First World Problem trying to deal with that First World Problem.  Especially that first guy, who apparently sat down an hour before his Zoom conference was supposed to even start, considering the acrobatics he and his Significant Other go through to try to get the lighting Just Right.   And to think that there are people out there who think they have problems!  If only they could see your story!

The other people in this ad- like the family that decides they need to call Aunt Somebody and Share whatever Amazing Thing they think is happening that She Would Really Appreciate Dropping Everything and Becoming Involved With- are just going along for the ride.  I don't care about them, because they don't utter that One Line Everyone In Commercials Featuring Job Interviews utters.  That just totally made my day. 

*Still, it would have been even better if she called herself a "people person" or told the guy on the other side of the call that her biggest fault was that she "cared about quality too much" or was a "workaholic" who cared more about being productive than getting paid because Some People Just Care About Money I'm More than That.   

Domino's gives us a great example of American Exceptionalism

 

Driverless cars might not catch on for a while as a way of transporting our sorry lazy butts from point A to point B, but wouldn't it be SO VERY AMERICAN for us to embrace them as a way of getting our tasteless discs of sugary cheap sauce, cheese and bland wheat carbs delivered to our doorsteps?  Just call them the Domino's DiabetesMobiles and don't forget to salute as they pass by.

Oh, and Domino's?  Nobody misses the Noid.  Those of us who remember this sad attempt to create a "cute" cartoon mascot back in the 80s kind of wish we didn't, because he was always nothing more than a cheap, loud, obnoxious distraction from your god-awful pizza that simply didn't work (no matter how big the Noid logo was on the box, the crap inside was still crap, after all.)  

Nobody misses the Noid.  Nobody wants to see the Noid again.  Nostalgia doesn't reach into every aspect of our lives, sorry.  McDonald's should bring back the McDLT.  It should not bring back styrofoam containers.  The Noid is a styrofoam container.  Leave it in the past. 

Shaq, The General, and Two More Total Sellouts

"Hey Shaq, remember when you told us that The General offers quality car insurance, and we said we didn't believe you because it's not the insurance you carry, you are a paid spokesman for The General and a bunch of other stupid crap so it's really really obvious that you'll endorse anything as long as someone pays you for the endorsement, and the commercials are really stupid?"

"Yep."

"Well, it turns out that we are also willing to endorse stupid crap as long as we get paid, so we came into this commercial to let you know that we've changed our mind because Reasons and we now believe The General is quality insurance even though that's not even the name of the actual insurance company- to get that you have to read the fine print, plus it's not available in all states, both of which are really sketchy, but like I said they paid us to change our minds about The General so we did."

"I see.  I'm going to have this stupid kid sitting next to me take a drink of his soda and say 'ahhhh,' and then I'm going to do the same, and then I'm going to tell you that it means 'no you can't sit with us anyway,' because of YouTube algorithms requiring that these commercials be a certain length and we have to pad this steaming pile of stupid out for that length because what are we going to do, actually talk about the insurance?"

"Not a problem, Shaq.  We read our lines and we can collect our money now."