Slope County, North Dakota: This month's Capital of Dumb

 

Slope County is the smallest county in the state of North Dakota by population, with some 767 residents according to the 2010 census.  It's predominately (98%) white, with most residents claiming German as their primary ethnicity.  It's not especially poor, with a median income of $43,000 in an area where $43,000 is a decent annual salary.  The county hasn't voted for a Democrat for President since 1964 and gave 89% of it's vote to Donald Trump in 2020.

Only 10 percent of the residents of Slope County North Dakota is fully vaccinated against COVID-19.  That's currently the worst rate in the entire country.  Only 12 percent of adults are vaccinated, and less than one in four SENIORS are vaccinated.  This is a place with no hills, no trees, no large bodies of water and, apparently, no brains.  It does, however, have a lot of "peace and quiet" according to the YouTube commenters, which is pretty damning praise for a county full of knuckle-dragging loons who refuse to vaccinate against a highly contagious, very deadly disease.   I suspect that American flags and MAGA caps outnumber libraries by a wide margin in Slope County North Dakota.  I'm guessing that Joe Biden is referred to the "alleged" president among the six percent of the residents who know what "alleged" means and as the "fake woke" president by pretty much everyone else.  And I'm guessing that a significant majority of them are still convinced that Hillary is coming for their guns, any day now. 

Oh well, at least Slope County North Dakota is 1700 miles from my house and unless there's another call for an insurrection against the US government nobody from there is likely to visit my neighborhood any time soon.  So other than this post, I'll just let the Stupid Citizens of Slope County North Dakota alone and hope they keep enjoying their freedom- right there in Slope County North Dakota and absolutely nowhere else.   The rest of us are trying to have a society, after all. 

George Foreman joins the "I'll do anything for a buck" parade by pitching Select Advisor

 

Anyone who watches daytime television- which means, basically, elderly people joined by a small population of lazy idiots who simply refuse to go back to work as long as they can milk the state or relatives for money- has been buried by these "Medicare Supplement Insurance" ads for years now.  They all feature men (haven't seen any females yet) who were household names in the 1970s - Joe Namath, JJ Walker, Danny Glover, and here's George Foreman- and whose appearance on television probably tweaks a nostalgia bone in the seniors or near-seniors watching the tube.  They all make their pitch with big smiles and earnest voices, urging the viewers to take advantage of all the "great benefits" they may be "missing" because they aren't using all the "Medicare Benefits" that they are entitled to.

What's really happening, of course, is that this sleazy non-insurance is hiding behind equally sleazy semi-celebrities - and the trusted name "Medicare"- to sell a non-product no elderly person actually needs.  Yes, the product is "free"- if you call giving a stranger your phone number, Social Security number, Medicare number and physical mailing address- making you a target for every other scammer who definitely will NOT let you off "FOR FREEEE" if they can get away with it- "free."  This "product" offers absolutely nothing you can't get simply by calling Medicare (it's the number on the back of the card, NOT the number on the TV screen) and asking a few questions.  And Medicare won't sell your number to grifters, go figure.  They also won't charge you for "extras" you are entitled to- which is where Select Advisor gets its money if the elderly person on the other end actually does agree to sign up.  They are the equivalent of an online "service" hiding behind what sure looks like the USPS logo offering to hold your mail for you for the low, low price of $15 per month.  But again, even if you DON'T sign up- they still have your personal information to sell to someone else. 

It wouldn't surprise me in the least to learn that Joe Namath and JJ Walker are in need of extra cash and this shameful gig was the best they could do- I mean, neither has been relevant in media for nearly fifty years (man, that's depressing to think about.  Now I'm depressed.)  But George Foreman, after retiring in 1977 having made some $10 million adjusted-for-inflation dollars, returned to the ring ten years later, made another $20 million in purses, rented his name to an electric grill company in exchange for 45% of the grill's profits (he says that he was making up to $8 million PER MONTH at one point,) took in $11 million in compensation for doing infomercials for the grill, and eventually sold out for $137 million.  His current net worth is estimated to be north of $200 million.  In short, HE DOESN'T NEED THIS MONEY.  Which leads me to conclude that HE JUST LIKES BEING ON TV and HE JUST REALLY, REALLY LIKES MONEY.  So much so that he's willing to lend his trusted face and name to Scammer Info Central.

Here's what I really don't get, though:  Why is any company allowed to use the trademarked term "Medicare" to pitch a product that is not in any way legally connected and approved by Medicare?  Oh right, because Capitalism and the fact that the United States has the most lax Truth in Advertising laws in the Western World.  At least we're Number One in something.  Too bad it has to be in something that victimizes thousands of innocent old people every year. 

Domino's "Free" commercials remind us why we can't have nice things, like Universal Health Care

 

Just another "not surprised the comments are turned off it's so stupid" commercial....

Is it just me, or is there something really, really off-putting about watching a bunch of fat, listless suburbanites celebrating getting something extra-awful to go along with the pasty bland carbohydrate load they willingly handed over real money for?  I mean, I totally understand that if you're going to buy a disc of soggy dough, paste and the cheapest cheese available that comes delivered in a warm cardboard box you might be open to the idea of getting something for free along with it, but just look at the free stuff being offered and try to convince me it's anything to get excited about:  Lumps of things that look like sugar-topped chocolate lead weights and probably have the same impact on your stomach if you actually try to digest them.  More bland-as-hell warm bread.  Or just more of the pizza you apparently ordered while being of sound mind and body. 

And just in case we aren't transfixed and convinced by the witless knuckle-dragging slack-jawed yokels who haven't quite figured out how to use those kitchens which came with the houses they inexplicably live in, check out the lunatic who thought she was going to have an actual acting career screeching into a bullhorn about how Domino's is so damn desperate to shove poisonous garbage down America's Cake Hole it's willing to give several cents worth of that poisonous garbage away for free if you just add some stupid App to the 300 stupid Apps already on your phone because you have a phone with a ton of memory and you have no self-control.  And if SHE can't talk you into being hyped, well, we've got a really awful "band" playing "music" at you which is SO stupid it's dismissed by the waste of oxygen using the bullhorn. 

Yeah, sorry Bernie Sanders, but this is the reason why I'm not buying into Health Care for All.  Not as long as we're a nation of smokers, vapers, anti-vaxxers, drinkers and people who think that McDonald's, KFC, Papa John's and Domino's are restaurants and not Obesity/Suicide Assistance Centers.   No thanks, I'm not subsidizing that.

So many stupid, pointless, witless, just plain dumb Questions from Hyundai

 

The only thing I'd be wondering if the person sitting next to me in the car started bleating these stupid non-questions is if I could manage to dig a shallow grave nearby without being spotted by pesky witnesses. Or why this car doesn't come with an ejector seat. 

These ads aren't clever, thought-provoking, or in any way effective at making me interested in purchasing a Hyundai, which I'm told are actually well-built cars that have more than enough positive attributes to fill a commercial.  Making BS like this beyond pointless.   And just think, someone got PAID to write this garbage. 

(BTW, I just realized that this is my 3000th commercial post!  So many terrible ads!)

Obnoxious even for a Charles Schwab Commercial, and that's really saying something.

 

1.  This couple's new Charles Schwab broker can't see the Former Broker, except perhaps as a tiny image in the distance.  Online conferences don't work this way.  When the new broker says "hi" and waves, she's just assuming that her clients aren't insane and that there really is someone there to say "hi" to.  

2.  The new broker probably thinks her clients are insane.  Who could be so dickish as to do something like this?  "Oh hi, person we fired.  Say hi to the person who replaced you."  Seriously,  I'd just tell these people "f-- off, former clients.  I'm on vacation."

3.  And as long as I'm imagining what I would do if I were the Former Broker, I'd remind these dicktards that they are on vacation at a fabulous beach...and this person they are talking to on their little screen is their NEW broker.  That means that I wasn't doing such a bad job now, was I?  You ungrateful jackasses got yourself a gorgeous beach vacation but I guess that wasn't quite good enough, because you dumped me for a new broker who has done what exactly for you?  Snark on me if you are back at this vacation spot NEXT year, after you've given this new broker a chance to play with your money for a while.  And if you find that you aren't in the financial position to vacation here next year, well, sorry but my client list is full.  Go pound sand, you knobs!

Bounty, the Quicker Bringer-Downer

 

Or...you could, you know...just PICK UP THE LOTTERY TICKET.  Instead of screaming like a banshee as that liquid moves in slow motion toward it.

And because this is a commercial depicting life in the United States, we see a fat doofus jackass with an enormous house winning the lottery.  Never mind that people who own houses like this are the LEAST likely to be paying the Stupid Tax that is the lottery.  I mean, he's already got so much money that his long-suffering wife doesn't seem the slightest bit excited that potentially millions have been added to their already overflowing bank account.  

Santa Fe Squeegee Commercial is all kinds of Wrong

Wow, how f--ng entitled can you get?

This isn't complicated, you pompous moron:  If you want to use this gas station's services, you're going to have to make a purchase.  Squeegees and window washer and paper towels cost money.  Maybe that doesn't mean anything to you, but it sure as hell means something to the guy who is operating this station on a paper-thin profit margin.  He doesn't run this place to give you somewhere to pull into, take up a space that could be used by paying customers, and consume products you aren't paying for.  What the actual hell- do you casually walk into stores to use the restrooms, swipe sugar packets from 7-11 and ketchup from McDonald's and respond "oh I've already got coffee/food, I'm good, I don't need anything thanks for asking?"  You really do think the world revolves around you and your virtue-signaling hybrid, don't you?

By the way, the hard-working gas station attendant who will never be able to afford a car like that wasted way too much time arguing with you about the use of HIS squeegee- much more time than I would have.  About the second time you repeated "no gas no squeegee?" I'm pretty sure I would have responded by telling you to pile your privileged ass back into your car and hit the road.  Instead he played along, and you thanked him for his patience by buying fifty cents worth of gas and giving him a smirk which was essentially a middle finger.  You could have at least bought a candy bar, but I suspect you would have insisted on carrying off fifty napkins and a plastic knife for your patronage.