That Capital One Commercial featuring the Levys

 

Eugene Levy is playing a Boomer here and he is, in fact, a Boomer, born at the very end of 1946.  

And that's where the Realism of this ad ends.

Eugene Levy is worth $20 million.  I really don't see him being all that concerned with the price of automobiles and, at 75, he's probably about as familiar with all the options that come with today's cars as a turtle is about 5G.  It would make about as much sense for his daughter to seek advice from that turtle about how to go about picking out a new car than it does about her asking a guy who was born during the Truman Administration.

Speaking of that daughter- that's a pretty substantial house she seems to be living in.  There's pretty solid evidence here that she kind of knows what she's doing.  She's thirty-five years old and she's living on her own.  She can probably manage to buy a freaking car.  Especially since she's Sarah Levy, a successful actor in her own right.  So really- this is kind of dumb.  Which, considering how I usually view commercials, is actually pretty high praise. 

And I honestly don't even know what Serena Williams is being used to sell here.

 

You'd think that maybe the second or third time this jackass treated his female friend like she's a mentally ill child who can't quite grasp the concept of being able to change channels using a remote that woman would simply get up and walk out, or at least tell him to Shut The F--k Up because this ability has existed since the 1980s at least.  Instead, she sits there with her mouth slightly open as if that's the orifice she takes in entertainment with, so maybe he just knows her well enough to realize that this really is the proper way to explain the concept to her.

So we get Serena Williams in a Wonder Woman outfit hitting tennis balls, because this is amusing to the YouTube mouth-breathers who may or may not be related to the woman in this ad.  She finds this astonishing, which, again...yeah, I take back my criticism of the way this guy talked to his female friend.  Tomorrow he'll be explaining to her how toast works. 

KFC: It's cheaper than a gun, after all...

 

Deep-fried chicken AND Macaroni and Cheese AND oily biscuits AND French Fries?  You got a serious death wish there, buddy!!

Eight pieces of chicken:  At least 2800 calories.

Macaroni and Cheese side:  560 calories.

4 biscuits:  720 calories.

French Fries:   800 calories.

Total= approximately 5000 calories.  Assuming that this "meal" is supposed to be for four people (and that's a very generous assumption) that's half a day's suggested requirement for an adult male in a single meal.  Never mind the sodium and cholesterol counts, which I'd look up except that I just finished seven and a half hours in a car to get back to the area from Thanksgiving break and I need a nap.  

And they forgot the corn bread!!

Chevy just loves dangling Stupid Objects in front of us.

 

The first dozen times I was hit over the head with this stupid one-obvious-joke frying pan of an ad I had the horrible sinking feeling that if I went over to YouTube I would find that thousands of my fellow countrymen just thought it was THE FUNNIEST BEST COMMERCIAL EVER LOL CAUSE IT GOT A CAT AND I LOVE CAT I HAVE CAT followed by 200 idiot cat owners (oh excuse me, cat servants in the blubbering language of the cat person) taking any opportunity that presents itself to gush about their own cats.

And, sure enough, I found exactly that- a long line of drooling, bottom-feeding idiots trying to outdo each other gushing about how much they love this ad.  Because Cat.  Because they have Cat.  Because I had Husband named Walter He Dead Now (no kidding, one commenter actually went there.)  

And then someone wrote "does Cat come with Truck," which set off a long stream of "I want Cat with truck" and "I went to Dealer Couldn't Find Version Comes with Cat," responded to with "Maybe Cat is Option," "Cat Should Be Option," and many more versions of "I Need Let Know I More Stupid Than You" than you can shake a stick at.

All over a dumb truck ad with a joke anyone with an IQ room temperature could see coming from two miles down the road.  Seriously, people.  Can we please just stop now?

Netflix Presents: And This Is Why The World Is Fat

 

The World (to be precise, the Western World, which to be fair is the only world that counts because it's the world that can afford Netflix) is on Netflix.  Which is probably a big reason why the world is sedentary.  And why the world is on Insulin.  And why the world's average lifespan has leveled off and is actually declining for the first time in 700 years.  No, Netflix can't be given all the credit.  But it deserves it's share for encouraging so many of us to just sit still, doesn't it?

A Stupid, Sad, Sloppy-Drunk Thanksgiving Day, recommended by Crown Royal Canadian Whiskey

 

It's 12:59 in the afternoon, so....start drinking whiskey?

That's the recipe for a very happy Thanksgiving for some people.  Some very sad, very lonely people.  Let's be thankful on this day if we aren't one of them.  And let's hope that if these people do have loved ones, their holiday isn't disrupted by the hard drinkers who have decided that they should start the hard liquor pouring before the first of three NFL games scheduled for the day gets underway.

Wendy's is out to kill us

 

This ridiculous pile of (I assume very tasty) garbage packs 710 calories, 52% of which is derived from Fat.  That's 41 grams of fat, 16 grams of which is Saturated Fat.   If that's not quite bad enough, it also "provides" 1400 grams of sodium- or more than half the MAXIMUM RDA for sodium.  

But wait, there's more!

You can also get a DOUBLE Bourbon Bacon Cheese Fat Murderburger, which clocks in at 970 calories.  Or you can go full-on F--k It I'm Done and get the TRIPLE version, which has 1280 calories, 86 grams of fat and 1940 grams of sodium.  Want fries with that?  Of course you do!  And don't forget the large Coke, or perhaps a milkshake?  And don't forget dessert!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:  This is one of the main reasons we can't have Universal Health Care:  We simply can't afford it.  Not only can we not afford the extra health care costs that come with obesity, but we can't afford to remove the last shred of incentive for these ridiculous chow hounds to get a grip on what they eat.  I'm sure there are people out there who have cut back on shoveling junk down their cake holes for the sole purpose of lowering their insurance costs and avoiding the crippling bills that come from being dependent on insulin, or are at least concerned that they might in the near future need a mobility scooter that isn't 100 percent covered by their plan.  Enact Universal Health Care and those people who don't give a damn about their looks OR their ability to tie their shoes without flop-sweating will celebrate with a trip to the Drive-Thru because F-- Your Beauty Standards You Fatphobic F--k, or something.