SoFi is So 21st Century America, it's almost scary

 

Sigh.

Seriously, there are so many of these stupid "dance because you can pretend to not be living on the margins of poverty" ads for the SoFi banking app, I might end up doing an entire series on them. 

Look what these people are flipping out over:  

1.  Getting their paycheck two days earlier than when they were just using their regular banking system.  Who celebrates something like this by cavorting around?  I'll tell you who:  Someone who is living paycheck to paycheck and who goes through the stress of wondering if that paycheck is going to hit their bank account before the bills do every two weeks.  

2.  Moving all of their debts to one place, Part I:  know who celebrates something like this by spinning in place and throwing their arms into the air in triumph?  I'll tell you who:  People who have so MANY bills that they spend one evening every two weeks struggling to figure out which one to pay off and which ones to pay the minimum on.  OR, struggling to figure out which ones to pay the minimum on and which ones to take a penalty for non-payment on, dinging up that already-practically-totaled credit score just a little bit more.

3.  Moving all of their debts to one place, Part II (AKA Getting a Debt Consolidation Agreement-it's a LOAN, but SoFi doesn't call it that.)  Know who reacts to being approved for a Robbing Peter to Pay Paul shell game like this by prancing around like a moron who has lost all his self-respect and (worse) wants everyone to know it?  I'll tell you who:  People who have given up living within their means and who think that writing one check for $500 per month is better than writing 11 checks totaling $490 per month because psychologically it feels like less money, and they are all about the Feels, which is why they can't manage their expenses/wants in the first place. 

SoFi is pretty much the inevitable result of the consumer culture the Boomers passed on to their children and grandchildren.  That I don't care about the plight of the idiots who use it is pretty much the inevitable result of this Boomer reaching middle age.  

 

One of those "Do It For Me" Vaccine Conversation Ads

 

Ok, I don't really want to be too critical of these ads because the heart is definitely in the right place, though I am infuriated at the idea that we need to have calm, quiet conversations to assure people that taking a vaccine that has saved millions of lives from a disease which has killed millions more is, in fact, the "right decision for me."

Here we've got a woman who is concerned about her ability to have a baby in the future.  Could the vaccine possibly effect that?  She's "heard things" that have left her confused and worried about this issue.  Not from doctors, you can be sure- but still, she's "heard things."  And here's an actual doctor to assure her that the fears she's picked up from her tag team of medical experts, Dr. Google, Dr. Tiktok and Dr. Facebook, are misplaced and that the vaccine is, in fact, safe.  

Since this "concerned" woman is pretty fixated on the reproduction issue, the nice doctor might remind her that while the vaccine will not threaten her ability to safely give birth to a healthy child, there are two other factors that may very well do so.  One is getting COVID.  The second is being morbidly obese.  (I'm sorry, but this young woman must have a BMI of at least forty.  She clearly wants to have kids.  She clearly wants to have a safe, healthy pregnancy and- I presume- to be active in the lives of her offspring.  Yes, get the vaccine.  But also, get moving and eating properly, for chrissakes.  Seriously.)

State Farm appreciates Aaron Rodgers more than Good Neighbors, or Social Responsibility

 

It started with him failing to run in what would have been a go-ahead score in the NFC title game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, instead throwing an incomplete pass rather than risk a collision.  

A few moments later, the Packers settled for a field goal which left their defense forced to rely on a stoppage of Tom Brady with two minutes left in the game.  That turned out the way it normally does; Brady got the Bucs a first down and ran out the clock.

A few minutes after that, Rodgers decided to stab his coach in the back by blaming him for the decision to take the field goal instead of going for  the touchdown from inside the 10-yard line on fourth and goal.  Because Rodgers can't veto his coach.  Of course he can't.  Uh huh.

For a few months after that, Rodgers told pretty much everyone he could find that he wanted out of Green Bay.  I mean, the guy spent all spring and a good deal of the summer whining about wanting his walking papers.  He trashed his coach, his team, and did pretty much everything except get himself a COVID shot leading into the NFL preseason.

Then he showed up in a Green Bay uniform and lead his team to one of it's best seasons of the 21st century.  And contracted COVID, and then announced he was unvaccinated after spending months telling everyone that he "had immunity"- you know, like any unmasked moron in the McDonald's Drive-Thru screaming at the cashier would do.  His "personal decision" put his family, his teammates, and pretty much everyone else he came into contact with at risk, but I guess that's why they call it Freedom.

And during all of this, State Farm didn't blink an eye.  Here's Aaron Rodgers doing his usual schtick for them, yukking it up with his grinning brown-nosing stalker Jake basically doing another audition to be the next full-time host of Jeopardy.  No masks to be seen.  Come to think of it, "Nothing to See Here" might as well be State Farm's motto.  Sure fits better than "Like a Good Neighbor"- for both State Farm AND Aaron Rodgers.

Let's start the year with this dumb AT&T "lollipop" ad, shall we?

 

It's actually pretty impressive that this commercial features more than one customer in an AT&T store- we can clearly see another sales monkey providing service to another customer in the blurry background- making this instantly one of the more realistic AT&T ads I've seen in years.  

Ok, enough with the positive notes.  Now on to the rest of this stupid commercial:

What Lily is explaining is reasonable enough to someone who just wants to be sold a product after pretending to be convinced; she responds to "but isn't everyone offering the best package" with "they SAY they are, but those packages aren't really the BEST."  It's a done deal at that point- it's pretty obvious that this awful couple with a pair of awful children didn't walk unmasked* into an AT&T store to compare deals and were just doing the absolute bare minimum of "research" before handing over their credit card.  But then Lily decides to be a condescending idiot by giving a "demonstration" which "explains" the difference between a GOOD deal and a REALLY GOOD deal, I guess because she thinks she's selling these phones to those kids and not their parents.   And it's not dumb enough that the kids are swayed with big lollipops handed out by a total stranger; Dad wants one too.  Because that's the punchline.  Because nobody doesn't know Funny like AT&T.

*In all of the other AT&T ads I've seen in the past two years, we've been shown one customer and one or maybe two AT&T sales monkeys explaining deals to him/her.  Sometimes they've been wearing masks, but for most of 2020 we didn't even see that.  Now we've got multiple customers and salespeople and no masks.  I guess AT&T is bored with Reality and ready to move on.  Maybe that company really does have the pulse of America. 

What's in my wallet? The last Commercial Curmudgeon post of 2021, that's what!

 

1.  As far as I'm concerned, there are two very obvious signs that the middle class is sinking in financial security and that this situation is becoming the New Normal.  The first sign is the rapidly growing popularity Online Betting "Services" becoming standardized by full-length commercials featuring well-known stars of television, music and film.  The second is a succession of "get paid two days early" ads like this one.  If getting your hands on your paycheck 48 hours earlier than usual is this important to you, you've got problems that a bank simply won't solve, people, and maybe you should give that some consideration.

2.  The "first gift" this spoiled rotten little girl is going to "open" doesn't need to be "opened" at all.  It's a freaking pony.  Who the hell thought it was a good idea to "gift-wrap" it?  When was this done, and how was the pony hidden before the party?  Where is this pony going to live- it looks like this house is in the suburbs?  How do those other kids feel about the gifts they brought basically being dirt underneath this girl's shoe at this point?  Seriously, Capital One, what the actual hell?

Wendy's asks us to choose...um..."wisely?"

 

Probably not a great idea for this guy to spend so much time thinking about what a horrible shambles his life has become, considering that he's so disgusted with the lack of quality in the greasy mcmuffin-something he picked up on the way to work that he's sitting in the parking lot at work contemplating it before attempting to toss it out the opposite window.  For one thing, he'd have to wonder why he didn't act like any other inconsiderate idiot on the planet and just toss it out the window next to him instead of attempting to heave it across to the passenger side.  For another, he'd have to consider the fact that he had ample time to make himself a nutritious breakfast at home instead of asking some kid trying to save money for college to throw together a clump of warm soggy carbohydrates and fat while you waited in the drive-thru instead.  I mean, you aren't being especially productive at the moment, are you?

On the other hand, one could argue that this guy is doing all right if he can put off going to work long enough to dissect his 7-11 microwaved sandwich thing, throw it away, and then cart his expanding butt off to Wendy's to get TWO slightly more appetizing diabetes enablers thrown together by a different teenager trying to save for college.  Seriously, this guy's got nothing but time on his hands.  Brings me back to that original thought about maybe just making breakfast at home?  Sure would make a good New Year's Resolution, now that the gyms are in the process of closing again. 

No, Celebrity Cruises, it really isn't actually....

 

Yeah, I get that people are anxious to get back to vacationing.  I have been waiting to go on a paid-for trip to Croatia since June 2020.  So while I will never understand the attraction of traveling via floating hotel/casino/restaurant, I totally get the idea of doing something other than Staying At Home.  

But a cruise ship where you're basically trapped with hundreds of other people for days at a time as you all crawl from one tourist destination to another while COVID is still rampant...no, not at all.  I've never wanted to get away THAT badly.  Cruises have always looked like a colossal bore anyway.  A colossal bore which includes denied entry into included destinations, the possibility of serious illness and quarantine, all for much, much more than I'll pay for air travel and hotels on any of my trips to Europe.  Oh but I don't get the casinos and the big pools which I'd miss if I ever wanted to just hang out in a giant hotel with a bunch of mostly old (I don't care what they show in these ads, the average cruise ship passenger is a wealthy 50-year old white guy) tourists who are on cruises because God Knows Why- they can't find their preferred strain of COVID in their home suburbs, or what?