Insane Buick Trophy Wife is Insane

 

It took me a few views before I realized that this insane woman was actually talking to "versions" of herself as she enjoyed the features in her brand-new Buick.  She does not, in fact, have three similar-looking Fellow Trophy Wife Friends- or, if she does, she left them at the spinning class to get into their own flashy cars and head home to Sugar Daddy. 

I was too busy noting the whole "brutal spinning class" thing and how gag-inducing that was- pretty wealthy woman at a spinning class in the middle of the damn day needing her car to give her butt a massage while she blathers to herself about how awesome her car is.  Talk about privilege and First World problems.  

"You really outdid yourself."  I don't know what this means.  This guy clearly wasn't around to hear her first "worry" about parallel parking and then let the car solve the problem for her.  Is he seeing this car for the first time, and is her purchase of a Buick what he means by "outdoing" herself?  So she bought the car, went to spinning class, and then headed off to meet him?  I don't get it.

I also don't get why this woman's various manifestations of herself are all dressed like successful businesswomen.  Is this fantasy projection, or what?  Does this woman like to pretend that the Buick, the spinning classes, and everything else she has is the product of her own efforts, or what?  I mean, they kind of are- she kept herself young and cute long enough to snag that meal ticket, after all.  But imagining herself in a business suit with glasses that cry out "intelligent, capable, NOT A TROPHY WIFE" is a bit much.   You are what You are.  Deal with it. 

Priceline's "No Way" Commercial kind of says it all

 

Why would I ever listen to someone who aggressively closes my laptop to bleat a commercial for Priceline at me?

Why would I use this stupid, buggy, BS "service" for anything as important as a vacation?

Why does anyone think that ads like this convince anyone of anything except that the company that made it hates us?

Something's really "off" about this 2022 Tundra "Cappucino" commercial

 

Maybe it's the ridiculous amount of bling.  Maybe it's the incredibly LOUD fashion statements these guys are trying to make with their choice of clothing (I mean, come on- they look like they just stepped off the set of some 1940s gangster film.)  Maybe it's the downright creepy way this one guy is determined to show up the guys he meets at the cafe.

Nope.  I know what it is that really annoys me about this stupid ad which is allegedly for an overpriced LookatMeMobile (the "LookatMe" vibes are even stronger that usual here, I must say.)  It's that this jewel-encrusted asshat decided to park his truck right in front of the cafe, completely ruining the view of the street beyond the sidewalk for his "friends" and for everyone else who happened to be trying to enjoy the nice weather with a drink and some conversation at that particular restaurant on that particular day.  Sorry, Everyone Else- I can't be bothered to put this thing in a parking garage or lot like a normal person who doesn't have a gigantic stick shoved up my ass (or just deserves to.)  I'm putting my truck right here, barely a yard away from your face, so you can appreciate it and absolutely nothing else during your stay.  Even the waiter seems perplexed at this- like, "why are you damaging the dining experience of everyone else here?  Who the hell do you think you are?"

Or maybe it's just that this is a really, really stupid commercial trying to distract me from the truck - you know, the thing that's actually for sale- with bling, clashing colors, and arrogance?  Whatever.  This is crap, Toyota.  Stick with that deranged lunatic Jan.  At least I can understand what her pitch is. 

Um, ok Toyota. Yes, it's that "Keeping up with the Joneses" commercial...

 

It's just a dumb idea- no that's being too generous, more like a fleeting thought desperately scribbled on to paper seconds before the Big Pitch Meeting some ad agency flunky was supposed to spend weeks getting ready for but wisely decided that based on what he himself had been seeing on TV for the past several decades that he could just blurt out the most inane, trite, obvious crap and the mouth-breathing American Public would slop it up and beg for more.

And I guess it worked- I mean, just look at the comments here.  If they aren't bots, I seriously fear for the future of my nation.  But they've got to be bots, right?  There's no way that there's THIS many people out there who were made to feel "proud to own a Toyota"* or who thought that this one-stupid-barely-a-joke garbage was anything more than slight-chuckle-if-I'm-already-drunk-at-this-point-in-the-Superbowl amusing.  And as for the sad lickspittle who thought they'd throw in "I'm surprised that Harrison Ford didn't show up playing Indiana Jones LOL" to a predictable chorus of "OMG THATS SO CLEVER THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN EPIC" replies, I'd offer the suggestion that it's very likely the pathetic bottom-feeders who were actually paid to produce this thought of that (and realized it would have much more impact than a grizzled Tommy Lee Jones) but then also realized that Harrison Ford wouldn't do it for less than eight figures and decided to give up the notion.   

Tommy Lee Jones?  He was in Man of the House.  He just wants people to know he's still around.

*almost as bad as the one woman who tells us she's proud to be a Jones.  Um, why, exactly?  Oh wait, I forgot:  For my own sanity's sake, I've decided these are all bots. 

I'm going out on a limb with this Rocket Mortgage Commercial.....

 

...and guessing that when these two were dating, this guy wasn't quite as over-the-top with his reactions to every surprise and didn't screech like a little girl (or Homer Simpson) every time he was surprised.  Seems to me like that would be a deal-breaker. 

Not quite, Mr. Hudson

 

Yeah, everyone's Worst Nightmare is to have their car break down in broad daylight in front of a school in the suburbs.  Absolutely Horrifying.  Nowhere near as bad as, say, finding out that you shelled out hundreds or thousands of dollars in premiums for garbage, no-coverage car insurance because the Ghostbuster Nobody Really Remembers recommended it.  

Seriously, if your "worst nightmare" is having your car break down in this situation, you live a charmed life and I don't give one flying damn about your "nightmares."  Get a Real Struggle.

And if you fall for this garbage, just think:  You weren't even conned by Ice T.  Now THAT'S a nightmare.  Still not the worst, but definitely worse than THIS one.  Check this out if you find yourself suffering from a momentary lapse of judgement and even CONSIDER purchasing Car Shield Non-Insurance Insurance:

https://ctwatchdog.com/warranties/carshield-review-ice-t-loves-it-you-just-might-want-to-take-a-pass

Who relates to the woman in this Verizon ad?

 

You know, I can't imagine caring about anything less than this woman who lives in a freaking palace having reliable, "affordable"* 5G or whatever the hell this commercial is selling.  First, because it apparently just means that he never, ever has to take her damn eyes off of a glowing screen no matter what else she is doing.  Second, because I am not at all convinced that this woman ever noticed how much her internet or phone bill like Ever. 

*I don't know what "affordable" means to someone who lives in a massive apartment in a high rise in the middle of a city (New York? Los Angeles? Where was this filmed?) but I'm guessing it doesn't gel with what I think is "affordable."  Either way, f--k off stupid grinning idiot woman.  And while you're at it, step in front of a bus while watching Disney Plus on your stupid phone.  What is the matter with you, anyway?