Here's another Home Computer Blast from the Past!

 

Ah, the good old days- when you could sell a computer by showing a kid pretending (badly) to type on a "professional keyboard" (when nobody had a computer at home, and very few people used one at work, what did this mean?  Whatever we want it to mean, of course!) and you could convince probably more than a few people that the system you were selling responded to voice commands (the kid says "ADAM, move that paragraph" while using the keyboard to move it- I bet we were supposed to think that the computer "obeyed" him.)

And that a project "you'll never finish by morning" will get done in approximately 15 seconds because you've got a word processor program which is doing absolutely nothing that can't be done with the electronic typewriter I relied on my freshman year of college- I'm not going to tell you what year that was, but the anniversary is coming up this month and the first number in the Announcement/Request for Donations is "4."  Ugh.

And that a computer which did not have internet access because that wasn't a thing yet but can be used to create a "launch sequence."  Who does this kid think he is, David Lightman?  Gonna play Thermonuclear War next?

At least back then, Lori Laughton was worried about what was legal....

Alan Alda and ATARI- just a fun blast from the past!*

 

Ah, the late-70s, when Alan Alda could sell home arcade systems (I'm pretty sure "gaming" wasn't in the vocabulary back then) as "the perfect gift for the college student" while showing us a kid typing away on a blue screen with a white font (that wasn't anyone wanted to do then, any more than it's something anyone wants to do now.)  

This Atari system has "spell check"- as long as the user notices the spelling error first, and tells the program to fix it.  At least it isn't Magic Desk, that cartridge I used as my first "Word Processing Program" in my Commodore 64 during my freshman year of college- that thing held a total of 1000 pages of text, each of which had to be saved individually and filed into one of the four drawers of a cartoon file cabinet.  Definitely more useful than an electronic typewriter, which doesn't "make all the copies you want as long as you can find ink for the printer somewhere" like Mr. Alda's meal ticket. 

*I'm still recovering from my bout with That Illness That Shall Not Be Named.  I'm tired.  This was easy.  Sue me. :>)

Tovala: For those with money to burn, I guess

 

I guess this is how you one-up the neighbors who always seem to have a DoorDash or GrubHub or whatever delivery guy in their driveway, except how do you casually let those neighbors know that you are SO SO VERY BUSY and that money is SO VERY NOT AN OBJECT that you actually purchased a food service that includes a specialized oven along with the prepackaged, Sprinkle This Packet of Seasonings on So You Can Pretend You Participated in the Creation of this Meal food boxes which show up like clockwork every other week?

Oh, and lady?  I don't give one flying damn that you have more time for conference calls because you made this stupid commitment of money because you can time is precious.  Doesn't make you less of a lazy idiot who throws around cash like it's going out of style.  I can't relate to you, and I really don't want to, either.  Order a damn pizza. 

The "new" cult of Weight Watchers

 

I tried to find the Weight Watchers (that's what WW stands for; it's just the rebranding of an old company) commercial featuring the woman with a degree in Nutrition* who went to the WW app TO FIND OUT HOW TO MANAGE HER WEIGHT.  I wondered what I would think of a dentist who went on tv to tell us that he found out how to take care of his teeth through an app- like, what were those years of specialized training for again?  I couldn't find it, but there was something in this ad (yes, it's an ad, not an innocent little "just my story" post, as you'll see in a moment) that really caught my attention.

Actually, it wasn't in the ad at all.  It was in the comments section.  A poster asked "weren't you using another system just a little while ago?" and is told by the creator "yeah, now I've switched to WW!"  The fact that the commenter KNOWS she was using another system a few months ago tells me that she posted about how amazing THAT was.  Now she's posting about how amazing WW is.  Why shouldn't I suspect - or just ASSUME- that in a few months she'll be pitching ANOTHER weight loss system as "amazing?"**  I'm sorry, but I don't see the difference between what this woman is doing and the people who move from ItWorks to Scentsy to CutCo to Amway to LuLaRoe to doTerra to Young Living and each time post to tell us about their incredible success at whatever Multi-Level Marketing Scam they are exploring this month and how it's perfect for all of us- this month. 

Maybe this woman should keep her advice to herself until she actually manages to stick to a program that works for more than three months or so.  Right now it just looks like she's willing to shill for any company willing to toss her a few bucks here and there.  

*which is not really a thing, any more than "Life Coach" is really a thing. It's just that Americans in particular either have no money, or money to burn. 

**Here's this same woman  in February 2021 telling us about her fabulous success with "Bright Line Eating." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBaiXnlji6Y

 

This Salonpas Commercial is just TOO much.....

 

Is it really feasible to ANYBODY that three middle-aged doctors sitting down for lunch in what I guess is a medical office building cafeteria would discuss a question like "what are you recommending for muscle pain?"  And if it is, is it at all realistic that the doctors would agree on an over-the-counter menthol patch and not some expensive pill or injection?  PLEASE!

"My patients really like these patches because they work up to twelve hours..." which means that by the time it's been demonstrated that the band-aid doesn't really solve the problem, the patients have to call for another appointment, and another round of paperwork can be filled out for the health insurance company?  And your patients like the patches SO MUCH that you keep a box of them in your pocket at all times, so you can draw it like a six-shooter on the off-chance that one of your fellow doctors forgets that they are themselves a doctor and asks a question like "what do you recommend for muscle pain?"

Someone tell T-Mobile that Diversity in Advertising can be taken too far!

 

The only thing dumber than showing a black guy playing hockey is showing a black guy in the stands cheering on a hockey game.  Hey, T-Mobile?  It's really ok if the commercial features just white people.  Nobody is going to throw a hissy-fit if you show two white hockey players- only 6.8% of hockey players in the United States are black.  Or a white couple in the stands (well, nobody worth listening too, anyway.)  White people still date other white people, like black people still date other black people (just over 8% of married couples in the United States are biracial, not quite sure why almost 100% of married couples on TV commercials are.  Then again, almost 100% of people on TV commercials live in multimillion-dollar suburban mansions or condos so what do I know?)  

It's ok to present a realistic picture of life in America every once in a while.  I know, hard to imagine, but totally true. Trust me.  

Just make another commercial with the same stupid idea except with basketball featuring black people.  To quote one of your competitors, It's Not Complicated.  

Oh, and while we're at it, why is the couple in the stands bundled up like they are freezing?  I've been in hockey arenas.  Just because the game is being played on ice doesn't mean that watching a game is an uncomfortable, cold experience.  Have the people in this ad ever actually experienced reality, like, ever?

So where's the Upgrade?

 

It's just a debt consolidation loan you give you yourself.  It's moving debt from one creditor to another.  It does absolutely nothing to help you get a handle on your debt; in fact, it does the opposite by allowing you to pretend that debt is smaller because it's now one large payment instead of a bunch of small ones, spread out over a longer period of time (which means you pay more in interest) so you can continue to live in a fantasy where your spending choices have no real consequences and you have more spending power than you have in reality.

This is how poor people stay poor.  There's no Upgrade here, and there's certainly nothing new here.  I still get blank checks from Debt Consolidation companies encouraging me to shift debt (that I don't have) over to them so they can have a steady income and I can feel free to spend spend spend.  They get torn up and thrown in the trash because I'm not a child and I know how much money I have and how to control my spending.  This commercial is not aimed at me.  It's aimed at people who are stupid with their money and determined to stay that way.  Hard Pass.