Dave is Nobody's Friend

 

There seems to be no end to these "build your (crappy, broken) credit by (doing what you did to destroy your credit in the first place:) taking out small loans that encourage you to be nonchalant about paying them back because heck they are so small" services.  I imagine that the lure of getting a quick hundred to five hundred dollars in a pinch is stronger during these tough times, but telling people that there's some virtue in living beyond their means is even more vile as spending power evaporates and a larger portion of the population finds itself living on a knife's edge of paycheck-to-paycheck stress.

There's actually nothing attractive about a company which "offers" you a bridge loan disguised as "early access to your paycheck" even if it technically offers this money "interest free."  That's because instead of charging interest- which requires expensive software - these bloodsuckers just encourage "tips" in the same manner that check cashing/pawn shop services charge fees to give you your money even just a few hours in advance.  The "tips" are completely voluntary, except that you're made aware that if you opt out, you'll soon find this awesome "service" unavailable to you.  So instead of paying a high interest rate on what is, simply put, a payday loan, you pay an upfront fee which is "conveniently" subtracted from the loan (and yes, it IS a loan, you are NOT getting your paycheck "early" any more than the nice people at H&R Block gave you a Rapid Refund.  In both cases, you got a loan based on the money you had coming to you and in exchange, you gave up that money or some share of it and THEN SOME.)

I expect to see more and more of these places pop up like ants at a picnic as we slip into our inevitable COVID Inflation Recession, so I also expect I'll be commenting a lot about Dave and every other BS "get your money fast" payday loan, annuity settlement, etc. scam until the economy readjusts, probably in the third quarter of 2023.  It's going to be a long haul.  Good luck, everybody- and please, let's get educated on the high cost of quick money.   As I've said before, it's expensive to be poor, but there are pitfalls you can avoid to make it less so.  Dave is definitely one of them.

Cirkul is the ultimate in First World Products

 

Look, pretty much everyone needs to drink more water.  The great majority of Americans walk around every day dehydrated, and we tend to react to our thirst by misinterpreting it as hunger and consuming excess calories (yes, Dehydration is strongly linked to the obesity epidemic.)  A large percentage of headaches, body aches, muscle pulls, etc. are also caused by dehydration.  Every day millions of Americans respond to a headache by taking two pills and a glass of water- when all they need is the glass of water.  Americans (including me. Especially me.) drink way too much coffee, which contributes to dehydration, which again we respond to by eating and/or taking drugs.  

In short, this is a real problem that calls for a real solution.  But because this is the year 2022, the solution "drink more water" isn't good enough, because water is "boring" (and if it doesn't taste good out of the tap, you aren't going to drink it no matter how aware you are that you should.)  Bottled water is expensive- it has not been spared by inflation, believe me.  Brita filters are expensive.  I'd LOVE to have one of those water delivery services deliver 20 gallons or so of water to my own personal cooler systems every month, but that's not going to happen.  So anything that encourages people to look beyond the inconveniences and consume more water is going to get a pretty strong pass from me.

This is just weird, though.  It's a water bottle with a little flavor filter that can be adjusted to make the flavor being added stronger or weaker by turning a plastic dial that I'm sure breaks after a dozen or so uses and even if it doesn't, the fruit flavor powder stuff doesn't dissolve properly and starts clogging it- again, after a dozen uses or so.  And then you've got another addition to the landfill that won't break down for a few million years.  And for some reason- I suspect there's a "cool/hip/trendy" factor here- this is superior to just adding a squirt of flavoring to your regular water bottle or getting a bottle with a wider mouth so you can add a few slices of fruit...I suspect there's also a "convenience" factor here, and as we all know Americans Are Way Too Busy To Do Anything These Days, including handling a water bottle that isn't cool/hip/trendy/convenient.

I'm not going to be purchasing this stupid gimmicky nonsense.  I like flavored water, but I can buy flavored water or add my own flavor, I don't need a special bottle with a dial and a special set of flavorings I'll have to be ordering all the time because I know Me, I'll stop doing that and this will just become another water bottle with a stupid dial on the top.  But you do you- and if you're a typical dehydrated American, you'll get caught up in what this ad suggests is the Super Awesome World of Exciting Flavored Water.  At least you'll be less dehydrated, and maybe a bit less likely to try to treat your thirst with a two-for-$5 special at Burger King or a grease bucket from KFC.

Burger King's offer to people who feel like life takes too long to wrap up?

 

I mean, really.  This ad seems to be aimed at viewers who are frustrated with the slow pace of their diabetes.  If you "need 2" give your journey toward bad health- and the grave- then this is for you; for just five dollars, you can consume 1500 calories of grease, salt and sugar inside of ten minutes.  And bonus:  you'll be stripped of all that nagging ambition to take a walk or get some other form of exercise, as this carbohydrate loading/blood sugar spike  is all but certain to leave you exhausted and wanting nothing more than a nap once the crash comes.  Just to be safe, I'd wash it all down with a large Coke or maybe a milkshake.  Carpe Diem like this and you'll cut back on the number of Diems you will have to Carpe.

What's next, Insomnia Coffee? Paper Cups and LIDS?

 

I'm posting on this completely inoffensive commercial for two reasons:

First, I just came back from a week in Ireland, Wales and England and visited Insomnia Coffee several times and found each one a clean, well-maintained, attractive shop with decently-priced food (I had a very nice cheese panini and fudge brownie in Dublin- hey, I was on vacation, which meant that every day was a cheat day) and polite, efficient staff.   The coffee is much better than Starbucks, though that's not saying so very much- everyone who takes their coffee black knows that Starbucks is more of a last resort than a first choice, unless you care more about your cup being hot for three hours than how the coffee actually tastes.  For taste, it's Dunkin Donuts, McDonald's, and then Every Other Place in a distant third.  

(Except that 7-11 Coffee is even worse than Starbucks, for the opposite reason:  If Starbucks is too bitter and excessively hot, 7-11 is too weak and never hot enough.  Ok rant over, back to praising Insomnia Coffee.  I'm entitled to use this space as a Shout Out now and then, right?)

Second, I thought this ad was funny in its presentation of a Drive Thru as some kind of amazing Game Changer in the world of retail, probably because I live in the United States where pretty much every food establishment catering to people in a hurry already had Drive Thrus before 2020 and the outliers are scrambling to catch up now.  Where these things rare in the UK before the Pandemic that Shall Not Be Mentioned?  

Another nonsensical Taco Bell ad

 

"When you need a taco..." you go to this shop that sells warm poison and eat what they call a "Burrito?" Sense this does not make.

Then again, why should the punchline make any sense when the lead-up features a woman putting her cap on, one of her teammates deciding that it would be Uber-cute to do the same and then exchange a shy "we're on the same team but we really don't know each other, that's kind of strange but never mind" glance with her?  Why should the punchline make sense when we see the batter respond to the "rally cap" bit by hitting an obvious pop fly?  Why should the punchline make sense when it's a freaking Taco Bell ad and we all know it's going to end with someone hearing a bell and responding like an Eloi by dropping everything and marching to the nearest Suicide Center and ingesting poison?

By the way, I'm only even commenting on this stupid nothing of an ad because I couldn't find a commercial for Insomnia, an awesome Dublin-based coffee chain I found on my first day in Ireland and visited four times over the course of the week.  Just before posting this I DID manage to find one, so that's coming next, assuming the ad is stupid and I really hope it is because there's little I hate more than having to be positive on this blog.  Very good coffee, good and reasonably priced food, too- with any luck, sold through at least one stupid marketing campaign.  We'll see. 

Here's a commercial I saw in the UK. Imagine the hand-wringing it would attract here

 

Whenever the television was on anywhere in Ireland, England or Wales, I could count on seeing this commercial or some version of it 30 or 40 times an hour.  Most of them start with the simple line "wine defended by the devil" and every time I heard it I wondered how it would play in the Not Very United Fundamentalist Christian States of America which became considerably more Fundamentalist while I was away.

Good to see that Wonder Woman 1984 didn't destroy Mr. Pascal's career though.  He looked like he was having fun in that movie, and he looks like he's having fun here, too.  Maybe he just likes to act.  Meanwhile, I didn't have any of this wine while over there.  Maybe the devil was protecting it from me?

Where I'll Be until I get back!

 

I'll be traveling abroad for the first time since The Illness That Shall Not Be Named came upon us, and the stars have aligned to make my journey as stress-free as possible- this week, the negative COVID test requirement for re-entry into the US was rescinded.  I was already going to carry a letter certifying recent recovery, but it's still a plus that I will only have to carry my vaccination card to get back into the country.

So I'll be off to Ireland on the 18th and will return on the 28th via London, looking forward to finally getting out into the world and using a vacation I paid for way back in 2020.  Enjoy the archives while I'm away (and do it a lot, my visitor counter to this page has REALLY gone down in the past few months, this isn't monetized but I still need the engagement for inspiration.)  Take care and see a few of you when I get back!