Those Bamboo HR ads....

 

Especially the ones on the radio always feature clucking idiots who, before BambooHR came around, were still keeping receipts in shoe boxes and (presumably) using an abacus to calculate payroll taxes.  Because technology didn't exist until this particular program, apparently. 

Oddly enough, the industrial age managed to give way to the internet age without missing a beat despite the lack of BambooHR, regardless of what this company wants us to think.  We had these things like electronic calculators, computers, word processing and payroll software way before BambooHR came along to save us from the avalanche of paper they would like us to imagine existed before this Amazing Thing Called Paperless Accounting was invented by BambooHR.  Funny how we missed this Renaissance in office management that just happened a few years ago and not back in the 1980s like we thought.  Memory is a weird thing, isn't it?

And I'm not even going to get into the rather blatant anti-labor messaging imbedded in ads for companies like Bamboo HR, Bambi, Indeed....they all involve the Immense Sad of being an Executive who must deal with whiny, unappreciative minions---err--employees- who demand things like decent working conditions, living wages and time off, like they don't understand the glories of Capitalism or share in the dreams of their benevolent bosses who "gave" them their jobs in the first place (because remember kids, Jobs are gifts handed out like candy to people who are supposed to be grateful for the opportunity to continue to purchase food and shelter.)  I'll save that for next time.

Those Shopify Ads....

 

I swear, every small business in the United States was started in someone's garage or a kitchen crockpot.  Either that, or the people in these Shopify commercials have zero interest in even ATTEMPTING to tell a unique, compelling story about why they started their business, let alone why I should give a flying damn. 

I mean, seriously.  You started your business in your garage, or in a kitchen crockpot.  That doesn't tell me why I should want to start a business, let alone why I should want to patronize yours.  Get over yourselves, people.  99 of the Small Businesses Built on your Dreams and supported by Spotify will not exist two years from now.  Don't care now, won't care then. 

Mark Levin and Carshield. Should've seen this coming.

 

So when this smarmy a$$clown isn't encouraging insurrections, promoting Stop the Steal BS, or trying to convince gullible mouth-breathers that Trump is the Second Coming, he's peddling Car Shield, everyone's favorite non-insurance that promises to Cover all Covered parts and Covered labor Just Don't Ask what's Covered until you sign up and give us your credit card number.  Why am I not surprised?  

Want to "take advantage" of this "limited offer?"  But hurry, because this "opportunity" to get "coverage" is only available "during the current decline in the economy" which, if you've paid attention, has been going on for as long as CarShield has been ripping people off.  Which is to say, as long as CarShield has been in existence.  Just like Mark Levin has been a conspiracy-peddling, lying creep for as long as he's been on the radio.  Yeah, these two totally belong together. 

Trulicity: Because the concept of controlling your diet is soooo Fatphobic!

 

1.  "Trulicity should not be your first medication for Type 2 diabetes."  Translation:  "This drug should be your last resort, after you've refused to sensibly restrict your diet to assist that much less dangerous but less invasive drug your exasperated doctor put you on in the first place- which, by the way, he did after you refused to take your health seriously and sensibly restrict your diet.  If it sounds like we're going in circles, well, your doctor feels the same way."

2.  "Do not take if you are allergic to Trulicity."  No S--t, Sherlock. 

Optima Tax Relief: Eric's (very familiar) Story

 

Eric's story is one that could happen to any of us who fail to pay our fair share.  Let's all root for Eric and hope he gets the "relief" that he "deserves."

Fifteen seconds in-- "I tried to make payments..." Yeah, we've all heard this from people who owe money:  "I wanted to pay it back, I tried to save the money, I intended to cut you a check, I was waiting for my tax return..." blah blah blah, as if Stated Intentions paid the bills.  It's remarkably easy to make payment plans, to write down a budget, to set up a Schedule- but when it comes to actually parting with your money, you found that more difficult, didn't you, Eric?  And the mean old IRS didn't seem willing to take into account that you had all these great intensions.  Because they're mean.

"The IRS wasn't satisfied with Eric's efforts..." any more than my landlady would be satisfied with my "efforts" to pay the rent if they didn't result in....the rent getting paid.  Funny how that works.

"They're putting a lien on my home, my income..." yes, Eric.  That's what happens when you take the money you are supposed to be using to pay your taxes to buy other stuff instead.  If you won't pay voluntarily, the money needs to be taken involuntarily.  This is called Life, Eric.  Not quite sure why it seems so threatening and arbitrary to you.  

"Optima Tax Relief is A+ rated by the Better Business Bureau."  The BBB is not a government agency.  It's a rating service that depends on advertisement, the Chamber of Commerce, and ignorance to be taken as a valuable gauge of trustworthiness.  I'm constantly amazed at how many people think that it's some kind of official, nonpartisan, nonbiased judge of good business practices.  I care about as much about the BBB's rating of any company as I do about how many stars another company has on Yahoo Reviews.  They are equally trustworthy. 

So I guess that in the end, Optima Tax Relief got Eric out from under the burden he created for himself, so Eric can go right back to being a scofflaw living off his neighbors- who, I presume, are actual taxpayers- until he finds himself the "victim" of the IRS once again.  Another happy ending, right?

Indeed stretches credulity to the point where it snaps back and blinds everyone.

 

So this woman was working from home, but she's so irritated by her roommate's new hobby that she is not only looking for a new (presumably in-person) job, but she's "willing to relocate."  She's willing to pack up and move out- and maybe violate her lease, and say goodbye to her friends- rather than stand up to her roommate and set down some ground rules for an apartment she is presumably paying half for?

There's fear of confrontation.  And then there's this woman.  Jeesh grow a spine, lady.

(By the way, does her roommate also work from home?  If so, doesn't this require her to actually concentrate on work rather than her stupid noise-making hobby for eight hours a day?  If not, doesn't that mean she still has the apartment to herself eight hours a day?  Sense this does not really make.)

Medishare: Health Insurance for Religious Bigots

 

Commercials for this horrible company are really polluting XM Radio this summer, so I decided that I had to stop just zoning out on the cheery sing-song sales pitch that never seems to stop and actually address this garbage.   So thanks again, YouTube, for providing a tv version of this gawd-awfulness.

For those of you who have never heard of Medishare, it's a network of medieval-minded, hand-wringing idiots who think The Handmaid's Tale is a Utopian look at a promising future and who think that the Affordable Health Care Act was just a Communist conspiracy created by Obama when he wasn't trying to replace the Bible with the Quran in America's schools.  As the woman in this ad who clearly had her brain sucked out of her skull case with a straw because it was getting in the way of her being a good incubator explains, it doesn't have to follow those awful awful laws that have regulated health insurance since 2010 because technically it's not a health insurance company, it's just a friendly group of book-burners who have agreed to pool their money to "share" the burden of medical bills that don't include abortion or contraception (sorry for all the cursing) and don't even ask about gender reassignment surgery/drugs seriously don't even go there.  It's a way for magic sky monster-fearing, tongue-clucking, church-going-because-your-neighbors-keep track harpies to avoid risking actually paying for medical care of which they don't specifically approve to people whose beliefs don't perfectly align with their own.

In other words, it's just another example of the celebration of tribalism that these goofy grovelers-for-show revel in.  If there's anything that these jagoffs hate more than people who don't think exactly like them, it's the concept of shared sacrifice.  You just know that Medishare appeals to people who live in constant dread that they might accidentally do something that benefits someone who doesn't march in lockstep with their favorite version of myths that arose in the twilight of the Bronze Age.  You can't spell "Society" without "Socialism," after all.  

Whoever the hell Karen LeBlanc is, she sure as hell isn't interested in helping anyone who doesn't use the correct translation of the correct religious life manual pay their medical bills.  I'm just wondering how long it's going to be before the cretins who run Medishare branch out to provide Not-Car-Insurance for self-proclaimed christians- I mean, surely there are millions of pre-Enlightenment-minded mouth-breathers just south of the Ohio River who would object to helping pay the claims of Heathens if they knew there was an alternative.  And they need something to keep what is laughably referred to as their brains occupied until they can get to work reversing the Great Steal of 2020 now that the Plandemic has run it's course.