This is such an effective advertisement for Birth Control, my only regret is that it didn't come out 30 years ago. We might have been spared the existence of the bottom-feeding* idiots who populate this commercial. I also think that it should be sent to every member of the SCOTUS the next time they are asked to decide on an issue involving the bodily autonomy of American women...
*Almost. We also have the YouTube commenters who give Tide a high-five for this "funny" ad. We'd all have been better off if THEIR parents had practiced a little more safe sex, too.
1. Advertises itself as a "Judgement Free Zone" while it's commercial are ALL ABOUT JUDGEMENT. Like building muscles? This place is not for you. Are really hot and proud of it? This place is not for you. Oh, but we're a "judgement free zone." Ok then...
2. Features a "Lunk Alarm," which is an air horn that goes off if someone grunts too loudly while lifting weights, or drops weights, or does anything else to indicate that they might be pushing their limits or something horrible like that. I've heard one YouTuber suggest that the "Lunk Alarm" goes off at the sound of muscles contracting. Again, this is a "Judgement Free Zone" but if you dare exert yourself, you'll be made to feel like you've been spotted trying to escape a POW camp.
3. Offers free pizza one day a month, and free bagels another day a month. I just love this- a strategy which discourages gym members from improving their health and thereby losing the incentive to keep up their memberships. Work out (modestly,) Get Fat, Work out, Get Fat, lather, rinse, repeat. And keep that monthly membership fee coming. Speaking of which....
4. Prices membership so low that people can't resist signing up and can't be bothered to cancel because "it's only $10 a month, if I cancel I've given up, I don't want to pay the initial sign-up fee again, I'll just keep it I'll use it someday." Of course, it's not really "$10 a month." It's ten dollars a month PLUS taxes PLUS an annual fee PLUS that initiation fee. To make it worth while, you really have to keep it and use it for a year, after which you'll probably keep it because you can't cancel online but must instead visit the location you signed up at (you CAN buy a membership online but not cancel...hmm...) but you'll stop using the membership, which is all part of the strategy because...
5. The average Planet Fitness location has 6,500 members. No kidding. But the average Planet Fitness location also has a capacity limit of 300. So the whole business model is built on people signing up and not actually showing up- more than 90% of members aren't there at any given time. This is like if America went back on the Gold Standard; yes, it works very well, as long as 90% of people never actually want to trade their paper dollars in for gold.
I really don't get why this kid thinks that the guy who walked into his bedroom, opened the shutters, and waved a bag of "food" in front of his nose thinks that this means the guy "works at McDonalds." If someone who lived in my house brought home a bag of McDonalds "food" my first thought wouldn't be "oh, so you work there?" It wouldn't be my second, third, fourth or fifth thought, either. Kind of like if someone came in with a bottle of milk I wouldn't ask them when they got a job at a dairy. Maybe this kid is really, really, REALLY stupid.
Who is this guy, anyway? He looks too old to be the kid's brother. So is he this kid's dad? Well, if so...that's pretty sad. I mean, I'm not going to seriously knock anyone's job, but....unless you're managing the place, McDonald's is not the kind of work for anyone over the age of 30 and it's not the kind of work you should find yourself in if you've got dependents. I bet there are a LOT of twentysomething kids working at McDonalds who have already handed their DNA to the next generation, but I don't think we ought to be celebrating this in advertisement. Maybe that's just the Boomer in me talking, but....*
I almost forgot that I only found this ad because I heard a radio commercial for the "1-2-3 McDonald's Breakfast menu" in which a woman theorizes that if she goes to bed a little earlier, she'll be able to get up a little earlier, and she'll be able to eat breakfast at McDonald's a little earlier, and this is something she's putting a lot of thought into and I'm sorry but that's really sad. Not as sad as those "Official Beer while taking a shower" or "Official Beer of remaining on the couch all weekend" ads, and maybe not as sad as "if someone brings me McDonald's it means they work there" ads, but pretty close. Hey lady, your favorite diabetes delivery system will be there when you get there. They aren't going to run out of coma-inducing carb sludge if you arrive at your regular feeding time. Hit the snooze and stay in bed a little longer. Your body will thank you- especially if you reconsider this whole Breakfast at McDonald's thing.
*Ok I listened again and now I hear "I didn't know you were gettin' McDonalds," not "I didn't know you were workin' at McDonalds." So about half of this post is based on a misheard line. Whatever, it's still dumb.
I've never seen living paycheck-to-paycheck and so close to the margins that getting paid 48 hours early is a game-changer as such an attractive lifestyle as it's presented in these ads for Advantis Early Payday. Clearly the people in these ads don't have the credit history to hold a VISA card but must use cash for everything- and if they don't have cash, they can't make purchases. Yet here they are driving nice cars and living in big houses. I'm getting a "keeping up with the Joneses/keeping up appearances/Little Boxes" vibe with these ads.
Is it all smoke and mirrors, or what? I mean, they present a really convincing veneer of being stable, middle-class earners, but they need their money early on a regular basis? What is really going on here?
Hey, harping, carping old lady- if you stop bleating your script at your poor husband for a few seconds I'd be happy to let you know why he hasn't "made the call" yet:
It's because he wants to die.
Want to know why he wants to die? Look in the mirror. But be warned that when you look in that mirror, you'll be reminded that he had an option other than dying. He can get rid of that reason for wanting to die.
And if you insist on pushing him, he'll be making the call all right. To 1-800 DIVORCE or 1-800- HITMEN.
When I first saw this ad, I thought that the concept of laundry was completely foreign to this woman and that she was legitimately confused when it was suggested to her that she might be able to do something with a dirty, smelly shirt other than just toss it away; you know, like actually clean it.
Then I realized that no, it's not that she doesn't do laundry and just chucks away her clothes after wearing them once- it's that the particular shirt she's going on about is so old that it's clinging to odors. First, is this a thing? Do clothes actually become resistant to cleaning as they get older? I've never heard of such a phenomenon. Second, if it's not a thing, what on Earth is the owner of that shirt doing to make it so damned smelly that repeated cycles through the washing machine won't get the odors out? I'm legitimately curious. I don't think she'd be wearing that shirt while gardening or jogging or doing anything else that might cause it to smell particularly bad. What is the deal?
As for the Backstreet Boys- well, to each her own, I guess.
