Named after the only animal dumb enough to call

 

The moment the camera was turned off, Lisa shot her awful boss and then herself. 

My favorite part of the radio version of this ad is when one guy says "my mechanic recommended OxCare."  Oh yeah, sure he did; there's nothing mechanics like better than to deal with scammy fly-by-night, take-premiums-but-never-ever-pay-out "services" like OxCare, CarShield, and the thousand or so interchangeable versions of Not-Insurance you can hand your money over to available in the Buyer Beware Freedom Is Non-Regulation United States.  Here in the real world, the only thing mechanics want to hear more than "I'll put that on my credit card" is "I'll pay cash."  "I have this stupid card in my wallet that has the name of a company on it and they are supposed to pay for this I kind of think Because Television" is not even a close third. 

Back to the chirping loons taking phone calls in this ad:  Seriously, they all act like there are Orwellian telescreens monitoring their every facial twitch and they are attached to cattle prods ready to jolt them with a thousand or so volts at the slightest hint of discontent- hell, at the slightest hint of anything but super-hyper enthusiasm for working for this SuperAwesomeAmazing Company that we are supposed to believe was the brain child of a woman who was irritated by her own car repair bill and didn't notice that the Car Warranty Scam Business had been saturated years earlier.  More likely this woman "woke up" one day and realized that there was still a lot of money out there waiting for someone willing to rip off people who live paycheck to paycheck and live in terror of their car breaking down.   

Ah, the American Entrepreneur.  Keep living that dream!

KFC Reminds Us that we can't trust our lying eyes....

 

This "20 dollar fill up meal" includes EIGHT pieces of chicken.  But take a look at the bucket we see on the screen; it looks as if all eight pieces are hovering above the rim of the bucket.  What is holding up those pieces if it's not more chicken- and it can't be more chicken, because the advertisement is for an EIGHT PIECE CHICKEN DEAL.

I don't even have to assume that those side dishes are exaggerated in size, either.  The overflowing bucket fake-out is reason enough to call BS on you this time, KFC.  I mean, come on.  What the actual hell are you trying to pull here?

I guess I just don't get Ethos Life.....

 

(or Life Insurance in general, for that matter....)

1.  These people "knew" that they "needed" life insurance, but "didn't want" to go through the "hassle" of applications other paperwork...I don't know, this just comes off as lazy and wanting to do something very important in as half-assed a manner as possible.  Seems like "careful" and "time-consuming" kind of goes along with "important"- but again, I don't know.

2.  Every Ethos Life Insurance company harps on the fact that it's "100 percent on-line."  Maybe it's the Boomer in me, but I don't see how "100 percent on-line" is an attractive quality for something like life insurance.  Personally, I'd much rather sit down and talk to an agent and do something like set up my family* for financial security one-on-one with a human being rather than rely on an online system that may or may not be available without spending an hour maneuvering an automated phone menu to maybe, hopefully, possibly get a real person on the line to talk about an issue.  Is it just my age speaking?

*I don't get all this "worrying" about "having enough life insurance."  Your family isn't going to get the money until you are dead, and once you're dead, nothing that happens to anyone is going to impact you in any way.  Did these people benefit from life insurance?  Because they seem to be doing just fine without a windfall.  In the age of two-income households, do we really need this extra monthly expense?  Isn't the surviving spouse just as likely to do just fine until they get remarried five minutes after your funeral?  Isn't the whole idea of "needing to provide financially" even after you are dead a relic from a simpler time?  

Evie, Ethos Life, and an annoying family preparing to die

 

So Evie is some kind if insurance genie or sprite waiting to pop into existence whenever two stupid shlubs mention the possibility of purchasing life insurance, I guess?  

Fat idiot is inexplicably standing in his own living room drinking a cup of takeout coffee and eating a pancake with his bare hands while standing perpendicular to his wife and children (wife is standing perpendicular to the children, because this is what people do, I guess.)  Nobody looks like they are doing anything other than filming a commercial, which of course is what they are doing.

Evie the Insurance Pixie shows up, flips her hair in slow motion to let us know that she's Evie the Insurance Pixie for Ethos Life, and lets the stupid parents know that they can buy life insurance without any health exam which is the first concern of the fat schlub parents because they are obviously unhealthy fat schlubs who aren't interested taking care of themselves and therefore really need life insurance.  

In seconds, this guy can use his phone- which has magically appeared in his hand to replace the pancake he dropped on the floor in reaction to Evie showing up- to find out how much money he can leave his dependents if/when he drops dead of a heart attack, probably while stuffing something unhealthy into the cake hole under his nose.  Happy Ending for his family, happy ending for this commercial, happy ending especially if he's considerate enough to have that heart attack at work and not in the living room. 

Prevagen's con is hiding in plain sight

 

It's a spectacular failure of the FDA that places like GNC can not only exist but become multi-billion dollar entities peddling BS "supplements" that can promise basically anything as long as they don't claim to be medication.  It's another spectacular failure of the FDA- and America's "truth" in advertising laws- that we can be regularly buried with the claims of elderly people who we are told STRAIGHT OUT are accepting money in exchange for BS about a non-drug that "improves brain performance" or whatever.

These people are identified as "Paid Testimonialists" ("testimonialist" is not even recognized as a word by my spellcheck, but whatever- it still sounds better than "shill" or "liar.")  They are being handed cash to make claims about a pill which has as its main ingredient jellyfish protein (we all know how jellyfish never forget anything.  Ever see a confused jellyfish?  Well, there you go.)  

My best guess is that Prevagen doesn't cause any harm,* which is the gold standard for anything you can pick up at GNC or the "Holistic Supplement" aisle of your grocery store.  What a racket.

*except to your wallet, since "regular strength" costs about a dollar a day and "professional strength" (more jellyfish protein?  More Vitamin D?) about three dollars a day.  Again, what a racket.

I think you meant "Rue the day," Burger King

 

Adding up the damage, we find that this $5 meal comes to 930 calories, fully half of which is comprised of FAT- and that's being generous and assuming that the soda is Diet.  If it's not, we're talking more like 1200 calories.  For one meal.  With very, very little nutritional value but lots and lots of empty carbs that will leave you feeling bloated for a very brief amount of time, and then very hungry at almost exactly the time you find yourself driving home from work, right past Burger King, which I'm sure is totally coincidental.  

So if you want to consume 2/3rds of your recommended calorie intake- and more than 100 percent of your recommended fat and salt intake- in fifteen minutes or so of sad grazing in your car or at a booth inside one of your local Burger King "restaurants," well, here's your opportunity to do it for not a whole lot of money.  Just keep in mind that if you eat pretty much ANYTHING for breakfast and dinner, you've got nobody but yourself to blame when your A1C is up at your next doctor's visit, not to mention that lousy exhausted, foggy-brained feeling you had all afternoon after inhaling this garbage in a moment of weakness because some stupid jingle was in your head, it only costs $5 and it was, after all, Right There. 

These SoFi loans are made by people who have never actually been in debt. That's obvious.

 

First, why does every single SoFi commercial feature someone with exactly the same amount of debt down to the freaking penny ($4017.24?)  I mean, it doesn't matter if they got in trouble with credit cards, or had medical issues, or (in this particular case) student loans- it's always the same amount.  If we were at war, I'd think it was a secret code being sent to our enemies or something.  Heck, I still think that might be the case.

Second, why does every single person in these SoFi commercials insist on telling us that their debts are a big deal while also showing us a lifestyle suggesting the exact opposite?  All of these people have substantial apartments or houses, all seem to be gainfully employed- but $4017.24 is hanging over their heads like a freaking sword of Damocles? It didn't stop you from getting that luxury apartment or house and filling it with furniture.  Why is it bothering so much that you felt the need to get a consolidation loan (that's what SoFi is.  It's a consolidation loan service.  Period)?  I don't get it.