Utter Nonsense from Pulse.tv

 

...delivered with an appropriate level of enthusiasm, of course...

Anyone who has ever used solar-powered lights to illuminate walkways, porches, etc. knows why they aren't really practical replacements for battery-or-AC-operated security lights:  they simply cannot absorb enough power over the course of the SUNNIEST days to do what they pretend to do in these stupid ads. 

 MAYBE a security light comes on- for a few seconds, and a few times, before the power runs out.  MAYBE.  But Because Physics, you are going to get a very bright light for a very short period or a very dim light for a longer period.  Again- because Physics.

 MAYBE you are going to get a light that attracts bugs- but enough power to zap a lot of them to death?  Again, there's this whole physics issue- there is only a certain amount of power that tiny band of solar cells is going to absorb on the SUNNIEST days.  It's not going to be enough to both attract bugs and kill them- at least, not for very long.  Anyone who has ever used one of those bug-zapping fly swatters that use AA batteries knows that it takes a pretty decent charge to kill bugs- and those swatters are only "on" when you push a button, and they don't emit light to attract bugs.  They aren't on kill-mode for hours upon hours.  If these things were 10'x10' with 99 percent of the surface covered in solar panels, I MIGHT buy what we see on the screen and what this Clearly Insane Woman is trying to sell us.  But this?  No.  No way. 

Bug zappers are plugged into the home's electrical system for a reason- they use a lot of power, because they do a lot of work.  Security lights activated by motion detectors do quite a bit less work, but still- you aren't going to get blinding illumination without a steady power source like the electrical grid or at the very least, batteries.  They can't be replaced by solar power collected by six inches of panel, sorry.  This is a total fail.  Come on, lady.  Try harder. 

Something a little different: sharing a debunking video on bug zappers

 

I've been so busy avoiding doing schoolwork, I haven't had time to decide which of the many, many fake bug zappers (mostly from Bell and Howell, which seems to be dominating the Nonsense Fake Only Available on TV Products Using Lights these days) to choose from, so while I'm still doing that I thought you might enjoy this excellent breakdown of how companies LIKE Bell and Howell use phony stock footage to sell their crap products to gullible consumers.

I'll continue to look for my current favorite scam bug-zapper ad which tries to convince us that solar power is sufficient to create not only blinding light capable of illuminating a suburban terrace but also zap bugs, but until that shows up on YouTube or another source, please consume this content lifted from a guy who did a far better job than I ever could explaining why you should never, EVER buy some BS "miracle product" from a tv commercial- or a Facebook Ad, or Amazon- but instead should only buy stuff like this from your local brick and mortar hardware store or tractor supply place because the only thing more important than supporting local businesses is not getting yourself ripped off. 

The further adventures of these weird Wendy's employees....

 

...who apparently work 24/7 now, as for more than a year we've seen them working day shifts but here they are whoring for their favorite grease and carb delivery systems in the middle of the night....

...who are so clueless that they think they will be embraced by the neighborhood if they stand outside with bullhorns announcing that, yes, Wendy's is STILL OPEN so if your body "needs" an fatty 800 calorie carb bomb at midnight COME'N GET IT!

...who probably all expect to get legitimate acting jobs out of this sad gig but really should give Flo from Progressive a call about that.  She'll bring them back down to Earth- Flo has become a bloated zombified senior citizen and is still nowhere to be seen outside of ads for nobody's favorite insurance company.

...who are not to be trusted with the handling of any food product as far as I am concerned.  I seriously can't imagine ingesting anything served up by these mental midgets, who are way, way too thrilled to be earning minimum wage to promote late-night diabetes booster shots. 

What's the most vile thing about this WhatsApp Commercial?

 

Is it 

A.  That we're still doing the phony "real people/not actors/hidden camera" schtick and expecting people to buy it?  Because I'm sorry, but if you think any of these people who went to "Pack and Ship" instead of, oh, you know, FedEx or UPS or the Post Office and are actually astounded and flummoxed that the For Sure We Thought He Was Real clerk starts attaching messages to pigeons, well, you are exactly the kind of gullible moron who is probably commenting how much they Love Love Love this ad on Youtube, or is it...

B.  That we're still doing the Fat Black Woman With The Oh No You Didn't Vacant Stare Look for Laughs in 2023.  I mean, I guess it's nice of WhatsApp to dig this fossil out of the 1970s to tickle that nostalgia bone, but to tell the truth, most of us were happy to see it buried and would kind of rather keep it a rather sad little faded memory from our Unwept Past.  Let sleeping dogs lie, as it were. 

Named after the only animal dumb enough to call

 

The moment the camera was turned off, Lisa shot her awful boss and then herself. 

My favorite part of the radio version of this ad is when one guy says "my mechanic recommended OxCare."  Oh yeah, sure he did; there's nothing mechanics like better than to deal with scammy fly-by-night, take-premiums-but-never-ever-pay-out "services" like OxCare, CarShield, and the thousand or so interchangeable versions of Not-Insurance you can hand your money over to available in the Buyer Beware Freedom Is Non-Regulation United States.  Here in the real world, the only thing mechanics want to hear more than "I'll put that on my credit card" is "I'll pay cash."  "I have this stupid card in my wallet that has the name of a company on it and they are supposed to pay for this I kind of think Because Television" is not even a close third. 

Back to the chirping loons taking phone calls in this ad:  Seriously, they all act like there are Orwellian telescreens monitoring their every facial twitch and they are attached to cattle prods ready to jolt them with a thousand or so volts at the slightest hint of discontent- hell, at the slightest hint of anything but super-hyper enthusiasm for working for this SuperAwesomeAmazing Company that we are supposed to believe was the brain child of a woman who was irritated by her own car repair bill and didn't notice that the Car Warranty Scam Business had been saturated years earlier.  More likely this woman "woke up" one day and realized that there was still a lot of money out there waiting for someone willing to rip off people who live paycheck to paycheck and live in terror of their car breaking down.   

Ah, the American Entrepreneur.  Keep living that dream!

KFC Reminds Us that we can't trust our lying eyes....

 

This "20 dollar fill up meal" includes EIGHT pieces of chicken.  But take a look at the bucket we see on the screen; it looks as if all eight pieces are hovering above the rim of the bucket.  What is holding up those pieces if it's not more chicken- and it can't be more chicken, because the advertisement is for an EIGHT PIECE CHICKEN DEAL.

I don't even have to assume that those side dishes are exaggerated in size, either.  The overflowing bucket fake-out is reason enough to call BS on you this time, KFC.  I mean, come on.  What the actual hell are you trying to pull here?

I guess I just don't get Ethos Life.....

 

(or Life Insurance in general, for that matter....)

1.  These people "knew" that they "needed" life insurance, but "didn't want" to go through the "hassle" of applications other paperwork...I don't know, this just comes off as lazy and wanting to do something very important in as half-assed a manner as possible.  Seems like "careful" and "time-consuming" kind of goes along with "important"- but again, I don't know.

2.  Every Ethos Life Insurance company harps on the fact that it's "100 percent on-line."  Maybe it's the Boomer in me, but I don't see how "100 percent on-line" is an attractive quality for something like life insurance.  Personally, I'd much rather sit down and talk to an agent and do something like set up my family* for financial security one-on-one with a human being rather than rely on an online system that may or may not be available without spending an hour maneuvering an automated phone menu to maybe, hopefully, possibly get a real person on the line to talk about an issue.  Is it just my age speaking?

*I don't get all this "worrying" about "having enough life insurance."  Your family isn't going to get the money until you are dead, and once you're dead, nothing that happens to anyone is going to impact you in any way.  Did these people benefit from life insurance?  Because they seem to be doing just fine without a windfall.  In the age of two-income households, do we really need this extra monthly expense?  Isn't the surviving spouse just as likely to do just fine until they get remarried five minutes after your funeral?  Isn't the whole idea of "needing to provide financially" even after you are dead a relic from a simpler time?