What the actual hell is happening in this stupid Clorox Commercial?

 

I mean, other than this little girl behaving as if she is absolutely determined to make everyone who lives with her as sick as she is by sneezing into that fan/humidifier/whatever, while her mother- who of course must be only a yard or so away, rolls her eyes as if there's nothing out of the ordinary with daughter's douchenozzelry and just goes on with her use of the 12th carton of Clorox bleach wipes she's used since Idiot Spawn got the sniffles?

By the way, this is a pretty new commercial, so we can't argue that it "aged badly."  This ad was created AFTER two years of a highly contagious pandemic which killed more than a million Americans and left millions more with more-or-less permanent debilitating symptoms.  Yet it still features a bemused, unmasked mommy shrugging at the idea of germs being needlessly scattered all over the house.  If dipshit daughter isn't thoughtful enough to wear a damn mask (hell, her goal seems to be the OPPOSITE of protecting her family- more like Misery Loves Company) at least Mommy could.   You know, instead of just applying yet another coat of toxic chemicals to every surface she can find.  

Remember when Aaron Rodgers was in State Farm Commercials?

 

You know, before China, Hillary, AOC, the Tripartite Commission and the ghost of Osama Bin Laden inflicted a virus on the world with the goal of destroying Capitalism, God and whatever "Traditional Marriage" is?

(Sorry, I was just channeling everyone's favorite overrated quarterback/conspiracy theorist/ranking member in the Cult of Trump for a minute there.)

Chances are that after this lunatic's latest juvenile paranoid tirade concerning stuff nobody his age should be bitching about- getting "cancelled" by the "woke" crowd, etc. (seriously, Aaron, you've got enough money to buy your own planet if this one doesn't suit you.  Don't let the stratosphere hit you on the way out,) we've seen the last of his commercial appearances that don't involve a chain of Wisconsin pawn shops or a certain Mussolini wannabee who wants to move back into the White House.  I can't see a whole lot of companies that aren't peddling tin medallions (or fake insurance*) to gullible seniors offering to make this guy the face of their product, can you?

*I can see Rodgers pitching "Medicare plus" cards though.  They'll hire ANYBODY.

Did you catch the glaring error in this GoodRx Commercial?

 

I did, on the very first watch.  And it's not just this GoodRx Commercial- it's an error that shows up in every single commercial featuring a pharmacy.  And it takes me out of the ad every single time because I feel like I've been projected into an alternate reality where nothing at all makes sense. 

Here's the mistake:  Never in the history of the universe has anyone simply walked up to a pharmacy to find someone at the counter waiting to fill their prescription.  Yet in all these ads, not only is there never a line but there's someone in a white coat making eye contact while the customer is still ten feet away, as if the pharmacist is just standing there waiting to be Activated by a customer.   We who live here in Reality know full well that pharmacists are NEVER at that front counter when we finally get there- if we're lucky, they are visible in the back looking at screens or putting stuff into bags.  If we're really lucky, they are using one of those cool pill sorting machines that news channels feel the need to show us whenever mentioning anything to do with prescription drugs.

If we're not really lucky- and it's a typical day and not a reality-bending dreamscape like we see in these GoodRx ads- what we see instead is at least three people in front of us on line, no clerk in sight, and eventually a promise to have that prescription that we were told by an automated voice message was ready two days ago ready in another fifteen minutes to two hours Would We Like To Shop For Awhile And Come Back ThenTM?

A pharmacist just waiting for a customer to casually approach the counter?  Yeah, right.  

What money can buy, brought to you (this time) by Verizon...

 

I mean, come on.  This weird, ugly creep is concerned about the phone bill being too high?  Checking out the trophy wife, who dutifully gave this guy two trophy kids, and that house, I don't believe it for a minute.

Don't tell me that there isn't a Lexus or two in the driveway of this suburban mansion.  And don't EVEN try to tell me that this woman saw something in this guy approximately twenty years ago (when she was in her early-20s and he was in his mid-30s) that didn't involve a LOT of money.  Good-looking women marry good-looking guys...or they marry guys who look like this who also have great jobs and big fat wallets.  

I'm not being cynical.  I'm being Real.   Unlike this stupid ad.  

This SoFi commercial with Justin Herbert certainly deserves to be red-flagged...

 

...I mean...if you believe that Shaq buys car insurance from The General and Joe Namath is excited about BS "insurance" to add to his Medicare, maybe this ad works for you, but seriously....

Justin Herbert signed a four-year, $27 million dollar rookie contract with the San Diego Chargers in 2020.  In 2023 he signed a five-year extension for just over $260 million- about $52 million per year. $200 million of that is guaranteed.   In 2025 his salary will be one hundred million dollars.  His estimated net worth is currently $25 million.  But in one version of this ad, he holds up his phone to reveal that he has a whopping $37,000 in his SoFi account.  I know he was complaining about high fees, but come on!

But again...if you think that Patrick Mahomes is concerned about his insurance rates, or Samuel L. Jackson is super-interested in getting the very most out of his credit card rewards points, you are probably exactly the kind of consumer who buys into someone like Justin Herbert being "frustrated" with bank fees.  So go for it, I guess.  Being a Boomer, I like brick-and-mortar banks myself.  And maybe I'm smarter with my money than this guy- I'm no multimillionaire quarterback, but I've got more than $37,000 in MY bank account. 

TurboTax's "Free" version- because it's that time of year again.

 

If you 

1.  don't care that Turbotax will not keep any of your records on file, 

2.  need absolutely no help at all- not even any clarification on terms, 

3.  are willing to print up your returns when completed and mail them yourself,

4.  own absolutely nothing but are just filling out a 1040EZ form for your taxes, well, then...

the Turbotax "free" version may be for you.  If you are the kind of person who "gets excited to read a disclaimer" and also must read things out loud for them to appear real to you, well, again- the Turbotax "free" version may be for you.

I've been using Turbotax online for almost twenty years.  Personally, I'd rather pay about a hundred bucks to have someone online to clarify something, e-file and set up direct deposit payment of my refund than take the "free" version and be completely on my own, but I'm kind of weird that way- I don't even get excited by disclaimers, and I can read without moving my lips.  

Oh Oh Oh stop whining about Ozempic already!

 

(I agree with one contributor to the comment section:  these people are having an awful lot of very old-fashioned cellphone-free fun in this ad.  Although the kid with glasses looks like he's more of a kidnap victim than an actual member of this family.  I wonder which employee of the ad agency he's related to.)

There are a lot of "the problems with Ozempic" videos out there on YouTube and Tiktok, and they all make the same really stupid argument:  that the drug was not made to help people lose weight, but to control blood sugar and manage diabetes symptoms.  As if "losing weight" and "managing diabetes" are somehow mutually exclusive.  But here's what really gets me about this idiocy:  Diabetes is just ONE of the more than ONE HUNDRED potentially fatal diseases powerfully associated with obesity.  If Ozempic can help people lose weight- and therefore decrease the likelihood of developing any one of those MORE THAN ONE HUNDRED POTENTIALLY FATAL DISEASES - then what exactly is the problem again?  

Meanwhile, I'd really like to visit that retro arcade.  That looks really cool.  I hope it becomes a franchise and they open one near me.