I really don't have much to add after watching a commercial that just keeps repeating "this is as stupid as it gets" and then replying to itself "hold my beer." I can only be grateful that Paramount didn't decide to make this ad any longer, because I have zero doubt that, given more time, it would have broken every record for Sustained Pointlessness out there.
Just wondering how producers who find their operating costs slashed by Paramount feel after watching this banal waste of several million dollars. I bet a thoroughly educational documentary could have been made just for the CGI budget.
Hey look, it's another commercial featuring an idiot dad who keeps screwing up until mom takes control of the situation and sets everything right. Never seen that in a commercial before, have we?
Seriously, though- this guy starts off by suggesting everything is fine while the car he presumably bought (I don't see mom taking any part in the choice of car purchases until the very end) is way too small for his daughters. Then he comes home with a Jeep, which gets a thumbs-down from Mom (at this point we really wonder why she doesn't just go with the guy to get a car or leave him at home and pick it out herself- is she afraid he'll accidentally kill himself or the kids while she's gone?)
Everything gets resolved when MommyWife finally drags her stupid BoyHusband to a Select Insurance Agent who is, thankfully, a female so she doesn't have to worry about Dopey Worthless Man being enabled by another Dopey Worthless Man behind a desk. It all works out because Dad takes a back seat and lets the Women set things straight. Yay.
Now if we can just keep dad- who has to drive the new car because He's The Guy After All- from wandering off and buying a boat or a motorcycle on a whim because Guys Are Stupid, this family should be ok.
If you actually consume this entire two-for-$7 deal* you'll be taking in more than 2000 calories, fully half of which consists of fat- and a lot of that fat is the saturated kind. And I'm being generous and assuming that the drink is a calorie-free diet soda. It's basically an entire day's worth of calories for an active adult- and don't tell me that anyone who would actually ingest this crap is making this their only meal of the day.
I suppose this would be ok as a once-a-year treat, but Sonic isn't selling this as a once-a-year treat. Sonic would like you to see this as a perfectly reasonable meal option. Never mind that it's only reasonable if you are struggling to gain weight or have just given up on life altogether. This kind of "food" would leave me completely exhausted minutes after eating it, and very very hungry only a few hours later. In short, it's a bad deal all around.
*And don't even try to tell me that Sonic expects two people to share this meal. There's only one drink here. Nope- if two people waddle into Sonic for this deal, Sonic expects each person to hand over $7- plus a few more bucks for the two drinks not included.
Here's another one of those stupid ads that uses the "real people being flummoxed by ridiculous rules/questions/policies etc." meme that we've seen a hundred times already, pounding the "we're better because we don't have this stuff" message into our brains over and over again- a message we GET ten seconds in but for some reason are subjected to for a full minute Because We Dumb.
Setting aside the fact that nobody with two functioning brain cells would believe for one moment that these are Real People Not Wannabee Actors following a script, let's talk about Southwest Airlines' "No Hidden Fees" claim for a moment, shall we?
It's true that Southwest Airlines won't charge you for an ice cube. Neither will any other airline, but whatever. It's also true that Southwest Airlines won't charge you for trying to sit wherever you want on the plane. That's not because Southwest Airlines is "nice," it's because Southwest Airlines is CHEAP and leaves the fighting over seats to you and your fellow passengers. Like walking down an aisle trying to find an empty seat is superior to just going to the one you know is waiting for you. Please.
But I wonder why we don't see one of these "actors" being told that they are so fat that they are spilling into someone else's seat, and need to buy another seat rather than commit second degree assault on a fellow passenger. Because Southwest Airlines has a "Passenger of Size" policy in which a (let's use the current preferred terminology) "Person in a Larger Body" may be given a free extra seat (or even TWO free extra seats) if they are too big to fit in one. They can either request this seat in advance, or pay for an extra seat(s) and then get a refund after the flight.
Why don't you mention this in the ad, Southwest Airlines? Is it because this policy has actually lead you to BOOT PEOPLE OFF YOUR FLIGHTS in order to make room for- um- "People in Larger Bodies?" Like the family mentioned in the story linked below?
Personally, when I rent a seat on a plane I only expect two things, and neither is a free ice cube: I expect every inch of the space I rent, and I expect to have that seat ready for me and only me when I arrive at the airport. Southwest Airlines guarantees neither. And I can tell you right now- a free ice cube isn't going to cut it as compensation when I'm sitting at the gate waiting for another flight because Southwest Airlines has a policy which favors someone who had to ask for two seatbelt extenders.
No, it's not that at one point in this stupid ad she seems to be ordering a "French boy." I'm pretty sure I heard that correctly. Nor is it her current lawsuit issues, though they do factor in.
The problem Lizzo is going to have in 2024 is with that part of her audience whose devotion to her had absolutely nothing to do with her music and everything to do with her image as an excessively heavy but extremely active woman who had made a fortune on stage without "buying in" to "socially acceptable fitness standards" (I'm quoting self-labeled fat activists here.) And from what I've seen from Tiktok and YouTube, this is a significant portion of that audience.
Lizzo has a LOT of fans who are either extremely overweight or consider themselves "allies" to people "living in a larger body." Over the past few years, many of them have accused their hero's detractors of "hating on Lizzo" because she is very fat. Some of them even say that they aren't fans of Lizzo's music but will go to the mat against anyone who dares criticize Lizzo because Fat People and Their Allies Must Stick Together.
But there's one thing that "Fat Activists" hate more than detractors, and that's when their fat icons go on weight-loss journeys. And we've finally gotten to Lizzo's 2024 problem: the musician, who is six weeks away from her 36th birthday, has apparently decided that the health consequences of being morbidly obese are not for her, and she's on a mission to change her body while she still can. It was one thing to hear Lizzo accused of fat-shaming her dancers- that could be dismissed as mere gossip by the haters. But when the pounds start to drop off, and Lizzo inevitably signs a promotional deal with Ozempic and clothing company that doesn't go higher than XXL, the bile is going to rise like lava in Vesuvius circa 79 AD.
Here's hoping that Lizzo's explanation for the turnabout is "it's none of your damn business and I don't owe you an explanation," because that would be very accurate. In any case, the reaction from some of the "activists" who infest the medias of Social will be entertaining to watch.
In short, the problem with Lizzo is not Lizzo's problem at all. She has every right to come to the rescue of her own body even if she can still walk and hasn't even had a heart attack yet. The problem really belongs to the people who held her up as some kind of fat mascot to hold up to the world as an example of what fat people can do (for a while, until reality catches up to them.) They'll be very vocal about the "betrayal." Frankly, I can't wait.
Brought to you from the same people who brought us:
Macaroni and cheese and fried chicken in the same bowl.
"Sandwiches" consisting of bacon, cheese and fatty sauce between two pieces of boneless fried chicken.
A fried chicken pot pie served with a chocolate cookie served up as a "meal."
I could go on. But the point is- fried chicken slavered with cheese and pepperoni should come as no surprise to anyone. I mean, we already live in a country where Taco Bells are open 24/7 and butter-infused ground beef is a selling point.
We are in deep, deep trouble. And no, we are NOT getting Universal Health Care until we turn this thing around. I am NOT paying for this kid's angioplasty. Oh, and grandma? Someone in this family was responsible for teaching this kid how to eat. Maybe it wasn't you, but it was your son or your daughter. They failed. Hard.
This is what we know about Kelly Rowland: She sees herself as a Superstar Super-Influencer Supermom who is very very eager to attend what might as well be called the KELLY Rowland family reunion so that she can fling herself about as if she's the center of the universe and the only real reason to even HAVE a family reunion, but ONLY if she can armor herself against the germs of the Non-Influencer Nobodies who happen to share her DNA. She is, after all, Kelly Rowland, Superstar Super-Influencer Supermom.
So thanks to Airborne, the supporting characters of Kelly Rowland's life are graced by Kelly Rowland's presence, and she'll make damn sure everyone is aware of it by trying to be everywhere all at once, no doubt live-streaming the entire event for her audience of I'm Not Even Going To Look It Up Many mouth-breathers on Tiktok or YouTube or Wherever. Because we're all just background noise in the long-running Saga of Kelly Rowland, Legend in her Own Mind.
