This ridiculous Loan Depot Commercial....

 

I'm sorry, but listening to this guy wax poetic about "his music" and "his home" and "his life" as he waltzes around what looks to be a million-dollar loft apartment in downtown Manhattan is just a little too much for me.  I've seriously never cared less about anyone in my entire life,*  but I guess that works out ok, because when this guy gets done there's really no room for anyone else to care about him, anyway.

Loan Depot is best known for selling adjustable-rate mortgages (they make up the majority of the $1.8 billion in business they did in the housing market last year.)  They are also noteworthy for giving their CEO a $42 million dollar bonus a few years back.  Their customer base tends to be people with less than stellar credit ratings who are willing to sign on the dotted line to pay very high-interest mortgage payments forever rather than live within their means in apartments which may NOT have 360 degree views of the Manhattan skyline.  

Back to this idiot- man, I wish I could adequately describe how very little I give a flying damn about your freaking music and your plants and wish you'd just grow up and accept the reality of being an adult and maintaining a sustainable budget instead of placing yourself in a situation where you'll be demanding debt relief inside of a year or two.  Hate to tell you this, but our government only bails out banks, not people.  When you and your plants and your albums get tossed on to the sidewalk, Loan Depot will flip that apartment, maybe even handing it off to someone who can afford it.  You can move your crap back in to mommy's basement; hope there's room for you to frolic in front of the washer-dryer if you can work up the enthusiasm.  No, I don't.  

*this sentiment may change the next time The New York Times publishes an article about a young performance artist struggling to find a condo for under $1.5 million in the Right Neighborhood.  I will probably care about that person's "problem" even less. 

This Dupixent Commercial gives me the creeps.

 

Nothing may be more important to these little girls than clearer skin, but I suspect that their skin condition takes a back seat to $$$ that can be made in exploiting these little girls when it comes to their parents.  

Am I wrong, or is there something very, very disturbing about the use of scantily-clad minor girls in commercials for drugs which carry significant risk of severe side effects, or drugs in general, or ANYTHING IN GENERAL?

"Psychics" means "Scammers" in Californiaese.

 

I almost feel guilty in making this post; it's the very definition of Punching Down.  I mean, the snark writes itself.  How absolutely out of touch, desperate and gullible do you have to be to buy in to this level of grift?

Well, I get at least one answer from the comment section- the person who posted "I need a reading, but I don't have any money."  I don't wonder why a person who thinks they "need a reading" doesn't have any money.  It's not just that fools and their money are soon parted; it's surprising when they manage to get together in the first place.  I'm absolutely convinced that if you gave 1000 poor people a million dollars each, in 90 days they would be more poor than they were when they received the money.  People who call "California Psychics," think they are saving money by getting dinner at the local fast-food drive-thru, "need" the latest iPhone, take "vacations" from their part-time jobs and plan to pay for them using next year's tax refund are all the same:  Determined to never, ever have excess money in their wallets. 

Never mind drug testing; if you get any kind of government assistance for shelter, food, medicine etc. your phone records ought to be checked for California Psychics and if it turns out you are spending so much as a single dollar on these scammers I want you cut off.  Otherwise, us taxpayers are subsidizing your Stupid, and I am so very sick of subsidizing Stupid.  Get your palm and chakras read on your own dime.  Or take my free reading:  you are destined to be poor.  Because you are The Dumb.  Now move on and find something else to do with your time that doesn't involve buying something you don't need and can't afford.

Two Quick Posts from my favorite Punching Bag, Optima Tax Relief!

 

"Attention listeners who have been skipping out on paying your taxes because you figured that the IRS has been sufficiently gutted by Republican Presidents and Republican Congresses and would never find the needle in the haystack that is your criminal behavior:  Here's some bad news for you!  The Big Bad Government has appropriated eighty BILLION dollars to crack down on YOU, Mr. Jim Jones of 116 Maple Street!  They are only seconds away from sending you a bill for the money you actually owe as your fair share for keeping society functional!  You have two choices- you can pay that bill, or you can call Optima Tax Relief, give that company some of your money, and THEN pay that bill!"

I owed a lot of money to my landlady.  I TRIED to make payments, but didn't actually do so.  Stunningly, my Good Intentions meant nothing to my cruel, vicious landlady who had the equally cruel and vicious Law on her side.  She told me I had to pay my rent, or I had to move out.  I didn't know what to do!  I mean, I LIKE my money and I want to KEEP it!  Can't someone come up with Optima Squatters Relief?

Point of Personal Privilege: Hanna-Barbera's "Godzilla" was always equal parts cringe and creepy

 

I'm not going to get into the weird physics of this awful Hanna-Barbera schlock that could only have existed on American TV in the 1970s- like how the signal to summon Godzilla (yes, he's being summoned, more about that in a moment) is the same through the water and through the air, or how no matter where the ship is, when Godzilla appears he stands ankle-deep in the OCEAN right next to it.  Nor am I going to try to justify the presence of a stupid kid on what are always very dangerous scientific expeditions- again, that was just required content for a Hanna-Barbera offering at the time.  

Instead, I'm going to focus on the Scrappy Do of the show- Godzooky.  The presence of this obnoxious, clumsy, totally pointless annoyance bothered me even when I was a kid (if you didn't find Godzooky a time-wasting irritant by the time you are six years of age, there was something wrong with you.)  But as an adult, I realize that the character plays a vital and very disturbing role in the series.  

The revelation came when I read this query in the comment section:  "how does Godzilla simply appear seconds after he's called?  Is he following the boat around all the time?"  The answer is yes.  Yes, he is.  Godzilla is forever swimming around near the boat, keeping a respectful distance until he is called upon to put himself in danger for the benefit of the humans who are HOLDING HIS RELATIVE GODZOOKY HOSTAGE.  Clearly the "scientists" have made a deal with Godzilla- you don't destroy Japan anymore, you come whenever we call and risk your life for ours whenever we deem it necessary, and in turn we won't do what we want to do with Godzooky, which is kill him in the most painful way we can come up with. 

Godzilla isn't a friend to the humans, rushing to their aid, throwing himself at fire dragons and other Not Trademarked creatures to save everyone from doom at the risk of his own life.  He's a hit man forced to work for the mob that has his kid under their control and will mail back pieces of him if he doesn't reply "how high?" when told to "Jump."  Godzooky is tolerated because he's a non-human human shield; the instant something wonderful happens and Godzooky is no more, those scientists and that stupid kid are Godzilla food.  And they'll totally deserve it.  I want to see that episode.

By the way...this is the junk kids my age got fed along with Tom and Jerry (nonstop violence!), Sylvester and Tweety (pet abuse!) and Roadrunner (animal cruelty!)  Kids today get Bluey, Peppa Pig, Pupstruction, SuperKitties, Paw Patrol, Doc McStuffins....maybe they can't afford to attend college without taking out loans they'll never pay off, maybe they'll never own a house, and maybe they'll hold down two dozen different jobs over the course of their lifetimes, but no one can argue that their choice of animated entertainment is vastly superior to the stuff we were assaulted with growing up.  

  

Rinvoq is an Rx for an entirely unfamiliar life?

 

As near as I can tell, a prescription for Rinvoq comes with unlimited amounts of travel and adventure money, a supercharged level of youthful energy, and a crowd of cool friends to hang out with.  It also comes with a myriad of skills you didn't previously have- rock-climbing, skiing, guitar-building, gourmet cooking, etc.- and a permanent vacation from what used to be the everyday routine before you started to take this amazing pill or injection or whatever it is Sign Me Up!*

*can I get the version that doesn't come with the cool friends, though?  I don't need cool friends to remind me that I wasn't cool until I started taking Rinvoq.  I didn't need cool friends BEFORE I started taking Rinvoq.  As the comedians say, a friend will help you move a couch- but more often will need a couch moved.  A GOOD friend will help you move a body.  I'd rather deal with those minor stresses by myself than deal with the major stress that comes with having "friends."  Heck, I'd rather deal with all these awful Possible Side Effects that come with Rinvoq  than the CERTAIN side effects that come with having "friends."

I don't care how much it costs- if you buy a Nissan Sentra without the Sport Mode option, you are cheating yourself..

 

After all, look what the simple addition of this option offers you:  With just a click of a button, you are instantly relieved of any responsibility for staying within the legal speed limit.  Stop signs and red lights do not apply to you.  And (as near as I can tell) pedestrians are required to leap out of your way and other automobiles to pull over to let you move along.  I assume that Sport Mode engages flashing red and blue lights and a siren, I'm just not sure why they weren't shown in the actual commercial.

Because nothing is as good as it appears on television, I must also assume that there are limits as to when the owner of a Nissan Sentra is allowed to engage "Sport Mode."  You probably can't use it if you are late to your shift at McDonald's or want to swerve around the three cars in front of you in the Drive-Thru.  But if you need to get home to your Suburban Estate because your dog is doing damage to your furniture, crank that thing up and let everyone know that your need to get home has become the most important thing in the Universe and will continue to be for however long it takes you to get to your driveway.  And if another car or a pedestrian rudely fails to notice that your car is in Sport Mode, well, dents can be fixed, scratches can be buffed out, and blood washes off easily.  Time?  You never get that back.