The Better Business Bureau is a Modern Protection Racket

 

And I've said so for years.

Think about it:  An organization with about 2500 employees develops a nationwide reputation for being able to judge ("rate") businesses on a scale from A to F based on...what, exactly?  Well, as I suspected all along- and has been proved through good old fashioned investigatory journalism- the ratings are based on how much money businesses are willing to shell out to get that coveted "A+" rating.  And this method is so successful, that A+ rating is flaunted by the very worst car "warranty" companies, Tax "relief" services, Medicare-ish "insurance," etc. etc. etc.  If Ox Car Care and Home Defender have A+ ratings despite literally thousands of complaints, class action lawsuits, and entire pages on RipoffReport.com exposing their deceptive garbage, who CAN'T get an A+ rating?  Oh right- small companies who aren't willing or able to pay for it. 

This pay-for-play scam used to be associated with big-city political machines, the Mafia, and corrupt cops.  "You gotta nice business here....be a real shame if anything happened to it" being met with a fat envelope filled with cash representing a certain percentage of the proprietor's take for the week.  Today it's much more subtle- sure, your business is doing ok, but how good is it going to do if your competitor has an A+ rating and yours doesn't?  Even worse- what if your competitor has an A+ rating and yours is lower Because Reasons?  This is a problem that can be handled with a sum of money- and all the Better Business Bureau knows about your company is that it paid up.  That makes it worthy of that A+ rating.

All of this is why I call the BBB the biggest scam in advertising- "the Better Business gives us an A+ rating" has the same level of legitimacy as "you can trust me, I'm a good Christian" as far as I'm concerned.  The biggest scam in advertising- and a Modern Protection Racket.  The BBB won't break your legs, just your reputation with the buying public.  Hey, it's up to you, but as I said before, sure'd be a shame if....

The Scammy World of Uber One

 

On my last day of my beach vacation, I got a notification from Uber One that my credit card had been "successfully" charged for an annual membership- $96.  Thing is, I never signed up for Uber One and had no interest in doing so.

So today- my first full day back- I visited the Uber One site to find out how to cancel this "membership" which I guess is supposed to save someone who regularly uses Uber delivery fees and earn cash rewards or whatever, I seriously have used Uber for two rides total and I really can't describe any more clearly how totally uninterested I am in becoming a regular user.  Well, the site brings you on an endless loop of directions on how to get rid of the membership and get a refund- apparently the App USED to have an End Membership button but they removed it because it was making it too easy to remove the membership.  Uber One also makes it very clear that there is no contact number so you will not be able to talk to a human being about this issue or any other issue.  Allegedly there's a chat available but it's so well-hidden that it might as well be non-existent.  

Then I did what everyone does when they can't find an answer to their problem- I looked for a YouTube video explaining how to cancel a membership to Uber One.  Unfortunately, the video I found was six months old and it showed how to navigate to the End Membership option which no longer exists (I only know that it once DID exist because of this video.)*

Finally, I went to the Uber One Facebook page, and surprisingly enough was able to contact Uber through it and cancel the membership and get a refund in about five minutes.  I didn't get out without one more insult from Uber however- a note that said that the membership I never signed up for was being cancelled and my money returned "as a one-time courtesy"- in other words, the next time Uber decides to charge me for something I don't want and didn't ask for, I'm out of luck they are keeping the money go pound sand I guess.  So I decided that I couldn't just get the refund- I had to freeze my credit card, order a new one, and delete the Uber App from my phone.  I'd say "live and learn," but that would imply a level of responsibility I do not feel.  So I'm not going there.  More like "corporations will mug you if they think they can get away with it."

*I left this modest proposal in the comment section of this YouTube video:  The CEOs of every company that sells a service with a membership fee, automatic reoccurring payments, etc. should be strapped to chairs, handed smartphones, and given the task of cancelling payments and providing refunds through their own sites.  If they can't cancel a payment or request a refund through their own apps within five minutes, every minute thereafter should result in one month in prison.  If it's not possible to do either of these tasks through their sites, they should serve a year in prison.  If the site claims that it is possible but does not actually provide a way to do it, they should serve life sentences.  That would fix problems like this quickly.  Someone seeking high political office- Run with this.  You've got my vote.

I made a modest suggestion on 

The mouth-watering, life-shortening diet of Hampton Beach NH

If your mouth waters at the smell of deep-fried Everything Except Maybe Ice Cream* then I suppose that yes, walking along the boardwalk at Hampton Beach in New Hampshire is "mouth watering." But if you don't turn your brain off before going on vacation, you'll avoid most of the Cheap Except for the Cost "food" being offered from the holes in the wall that pass for restaurants.   Your heart and other organs will thank you for ignoring your stomach's attempt to kill you.

Anyway, this is where I'll be until next Saturday night.  Enjoy the archives until then!

*Yes, you can get deep-fried ice cream at Hampton Beach.  And Snicker's Bars.  And vegetables- going on vacation is no excuse to stop eating your vegetables (major eyeroll.)

John Denver's signature song deserves a better makeover than this one

 

...but I'm not a songwriter, so....

Once was heaven

West Virginia

Miners, Farms and Veterans 

Voted for Dukakis

Western Virginia

wouldn't break away

formed its own community

demanded its own say

Somethin' happened

In the passing of the years

place got mean and stupid

forgot its soul and history, left with just its tears

No country road

to take me home

starvation wages

always need a loan

West Virginia

Racist Propaganda

can't go home

no country road

'headin down to Braxton

search for the old farm

now it's just a strip mall

place has lost it's charm

tried to go home

paved highway

couldn't find

where I used to stay

West Virginia

sliced up mountains

toxic waste dumps

brown and slimy rivers

Life feels old here

what happened to the trees?

Chopped up for the lumber mills

buried by the sleaze

No country road

to take me home

land of potholes

makes me groan

West Virginia

no future agenda

no country road

to take me home

Once was heaven

West Virginia

cruisin'  77

MAGA everywhere

Once we were proud of

our love of Liberty

vote like Mississippi

look like New Jersey

Can't go home

no country road

pavement and dollar stores

lines at E-Z Loan

Stuck in the past

Head up it's a$$

can't go home

no country road

Anyone understand the woman in this Rinvoq Ad?

 

Better yet, anyone understand why the people who are with her at the beach are with her at the beach?  She comes off as a weirdly competitive woman who more than anything else needs treatment for her Main Character Syndrome. 

I mean, look at her- she's psyching herself up for what turns out to be a casual pick-up game of volleyball on the beach.  In the first few seconds, I thought it was going to be revealed that this game was being broadcast on ESPN or something, but no- that intense look in her face, followed up by the equally intense look she gives to her teammates in the huddle just before the game starts (the group of friends on the other side of the net must be thinking "what the hell...oh, it's that insane woman again, the one who thinks something's at stake here.  I hate when she shows up, she sucks all the fun out of this,) and her WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS expression at the end- good lord, woman, what is your issue?

And then we see her dominating the conversation around the beach fire we always see in commercials featuring beaches regardless of the fact that the vast majority of beaches in the United States don't allow open fires (so this is a private beach?  How relatable,) probably explaining to her "friends" how she won the game with that move to earn Point 18 and how they really need more practice.  We see her friends laughing but because we're supposed to be distracted by the pretty music and pretty faces we can't hear what they're laughing at, but we can guess they are patronizing her until she decides she needs her Recovery Rest and leaves so they can spend the rest of the night chuckling about the super-competitive freak who simply refuses to have fun at the beach.

Gain Laundry Detergent Ads are Sexist Trash*

Clearly the men who make these ads think that women just sit at home all day in the enormous houses provided by their husbands, getting high on the scent of their freshly-laundered clothing.  This woman is taking a break from using the Swiffer and prancing around to the sweet smells of the Glade air fresheners to enjoy the fruits of her REAL craft- doing the laundry.  Thank goodness for that MRS degree, eh ladies?

*I only see these ads in July and August, because they only run on weekdays and only on channels that feature the local news, my Mom's Soaps, and the Andy Griffith Show.  I don't miss the misogyny at all.

FanDuel in Court: Self-Made Victims all around.

 

A former employee of the Jacksonville Jaguars is currently serving a 6.5-year sentence in a federal prison for embezzling $22 million from the team to bet through FanDuel (he also bought a number of luxury items, including a golf club once owned by Tiger Woods- about $5 million in luxury items, in fact.)  The Jaguars announced the other day that they are filing a lawsuit against the employee for $66 million in Florida, a state which allows plaintiffs to recover up to three times the lost amount in damages.  The Jaguars are also "in talks" to recover their money from FanDuel.*

The employee claimed during his trial that he was "damaged" by his gambling addiction, which is a pretty obvious defense considering that the Supreme Court ruled several generations ago that addiction itself cannot be criminalized.  I don't know if the defense worked in any way- it certainly didn't convince the jury to give him a pass on his actual criminal activity (the stealing of the money) but maybe it resulted in a lighter sentence.  I'll leave that for someone else to research.

Here's the point:  Every Major League Sport in the United States uses the availability of gambling apps like FanDuel, SportsKings etc. to sell their product, and every gambling service sells its product as "good, clean, innocent fun."  But we've known of the existence of gambling addiction forever.  We've known that gambling ruins lives, breaks up families, and lands people in crippling debt or even prison FOR EVER.  Prominent novelists were writing about gambling as a destructive force two freaking centuries ago (I've always argued that the real villain of the Charles Dickens classic The Old Curiosity Shop was not the evil dwarf Daniel Quilp, but Little Nell's asinine grandfather and his obsession with making his fortune at the card table that ultimately kills her.)  But today we have the biggest stars of Hollywood and (much worse) the biggest names in SPORTS selling what is basically Dignified Crack during every commercial break of every sporting event. 

Embezzlers should be in jail.  I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for a guy who steals money to gamble and buy luxury items.  But the Jaguars- and every other sports team that partners up with gambling- needs to understand their role in feeding this monster.  They aren't innocent either. 

*which presents an interesting problem.  If the Jaguars can recover money stolen and then lost through FanDuel, why can't a spouse recover money stolen from a joint bank account for the same purpose? Where does FanDuel's responsibility for checking the source of the money being risked start and end?  And while we're at it, how did a company which preaches "gamble responsibly" in tiny letters at the bottom of the screen accept MILLIONS in losing bets from the same person?  Isn't this like a bartender whispering "drink responsibly" while filling the glass of the local drunk for the 2000th time?