Nothing human about Smartsheet

 

You'll forgive me if I have an instant negative reaction to any commercial that starts with "Hey, Human."

Especially since the last thing I really need in my life is another commercial which accuses the most productive people on the planet of falling short of optimum productivity.  Companies like this- and Indeed, and LinkedIn, etc.- are constantly pushing products to get just one more drop of sweat out of an already exhausted, discouraged workforce by using This Software or This Spreadsheet or This "Connectivity Opportunity" or This App.  

In short, it's Always Something with these companies.  And it has nothing to do with being human, and everything to do with exploitation.  And it never stops being less gross.  

Coca-Cola's shameless attempt at piggy-backing

Look, it's a delicious burger.  Look how delicious it is!  What a great burger!

Know what would go great with this truly delicious-looking burger?  Some milk.  A milkshake.  A glass of water.  A beer.  

Oh, Coca-Cola.  That would go great with this burger, if you like Coca-Cola.  But if you like Coca-Cola, why do you need to pair it with a delicious-looking burger?  

And if Coca-Cola is so good, why does this commercial sell the burger better than the soda?

Even the YouTube comments get this Indeed Commercial....

 

This girl wants to get out of living with her grandparents, parents and siblings and I don't blame her, but here's a some cold water in the form of that nasty thing called Reality:  The fact that a job opening has been posted on Indeed doesn't mean that there's actually a job available, let alone that this girl is going to get it.

And that kid is hysterical- he sees that the salary is around $100,000 per year and says "you're gonna be a millionaire in ten years!"  Uh, yeah- if there were no such thing as taxes, and there were no such thing as expenses.  If your sister gets that job and actually makes $100,000 a year, invests it well, and gets to live at home for free then MAYBE she'll be a millionaire in ten years.  Otherwise- kid, that is not the way life works . 

Then she gets an interview- and the family acts as if she's already been handed the job.  Like businesses don't make job postings all the time just to gauge the market, and as if companies don't interview all the time just to see who is out there.  It's very possible that there is no actual job at this company.  But if there is, how many people got exactly the same "invite" to interview?  An interview and $3 will buy you a cup of coffee at Starbucks, young lady.  Be careful- your family acts like they are ready to start spending your money before it's in your hand.

Cripes, what is going on here?  I get the feeling that the concepts of "having a job" and "getting a paycheck" are completely alien to everyone who lives under this roof.  Who is paying for what this family already has?  Whoever it is, I suspect he's going to keep shelling out while the people living on his dime continue to give themselves high-fives over being "invited" to interview.  Major Eyeroll. 

Betting App Commercials are the Epitome of Anything-for-a-buck Celebrity Endorsements

According to the Rutgers Addiction Center, approximately 5 million Americans have a gambling addiction.  According to the same source, only eight percent of those 5 million will ever seek help in breaking the addiction.  The other approximately 4.6 million?  Well, I guess they'll take any comfort they can in the forced, scripted mirth of two multi-millionaires who pretend to also having a gambling problem but for whom in fact gambling is NOT a problem, but an opportunity to add more $$$ to the pile.  

I can't believe I snarked on Joe Namath picking up a quick paycheck from a scammy Not-Medicare insurance company or Ernie Hudson shilling for Not Car Insurance.  At least those guys probably need the money.  

This Allstate "Switch" Commercial is just....weird....

 

I mean, come on.  What is going on here?

If a total stranger sits down next to me while I'm eating an ice cream cone and offers me $574 to trade cones, I can tell you two things:  First, I am not touching the cone the total stranger gave me- never mind HER tossing away MY cone, I'm beating her to it by quickly disposing of the cone she gave ME.  Second, I am not listening to any more of what I'm going to assume is a pitch from a cult or a Multi-Level Marketing scheme until I see my money.  

Unlike this guy, who seems to instantly forget all about that $574 and seems perfectly satisfied to have switched cones with the total stranger who sat down next to him and is now pitching him insurance of some sort.  This guy is a cult member's/Herbalife distributor's wet dream.  He's on board with learning about Allstate and never mind that the person he's getting the pitch from has already proven her unreliability by not producing the $574 promised for the ice cream trade.  

The Wendy's Frosty- for a few extra cents, can I get a damn lid on this thing?

 

I'm seriously creeped out by the lack of lids anywhere in this ad- so even if you buy one of these things at the drive-through window, a lid is not included?  So basically it's dirty before you can take your first sip (getting it all over your mouth, as apparently a straw is not included in that one-dollar price, either....)

"What?  It's ONLY a DOLLAR?  Why am I limiting myself to just ONE A DAY, then?  I mean, sure it's 350 calories for a few slurps of chocolate-flavored chemicals, but it's ONLY A DOLLAR!  Serve them for breakfast too, Wendy's!  I can worry about diabetes later!"

A few quick points concerning this racist "Receipts" YouTube Show....

 

1.  The host, Quincy Brown, says he's also known as "Q Side B Side."  I'm willing to bet real money that he's "also known" that only by himself and a few hangers-on.  Seriously, buddy, I have never heard of you, and after watching barely a minute of this insulting wall of noise I'm quite good with never hearing anything more of you again.

2.  Around the first minute of this program, we realize that this is basically a racist's fever dream.  The way these people act is exactly how racist whites expect black people to act.  So watch this "fun" show, allegedly sponsored by Walmart, and see media images of black people as your grandparents did.  

3.  Do the YouTube Math:

a)  this channel has 3.1 million subscribers.

b)  this particular post has 3.7 million views in the ten months since it was posted.

c)  this channel with 3.1 million subscribers and 3.7 million views has generated 24,000 responses...

d)  and 20 comments.  That's Twenty.  Not even 20k, which would be tiny.  Twenty.  

All of which means that the subscriber number is fake, the views number is fake, and probably the response number is also fake.  Well, at least that restores some of my faith in humanity.  

Meanwhile, Walmart, if you really do have anything to do with this....just, why?  Is it because only 11 percent of your customer base is black, compared to 74% that is white- in other words, you just don't give a damn?  Please, explain.