...are, twelve years later, just stupid, disgusting walls of noise.
Walls of noise that are just getting more obnoxious as they proceed through their second decade of polluting the airwaves. And what really makes this annoying? The fact that this stuff is actually pretty effective. So why do the makers feel like they need to use this stupid gimmick, let alone use it for a dozen years?
I was recently watching a podcast concerning the hidden costs of UberEats and DoorDash- the massive amounts of waste involved in transporting a heavily-packaged meal over any distance because millions of lazy, stupid-with-money asshats can't be bothered prepare food themselves or decided that the line at the drive-thru was too long on their way home from their sedentary jobs.
Rinse.com might even be worse. Here are two able-bodied women who are about to settle down for a night (day?) of binge-watching some show when one is "interrupted" by the need to "finish her laundry." Which means, acknowledge a notice on her phone that her laundry has been completed off-site by serfs and is being delivered to her door by other serfs. Because she's "too busy" to do her own laundry, of course.
Well, excuse me but what the actual hell? There's no way that palace doesn't include a state-of-the-art washer and dryer. You put your laundry in the washer, add soap, and then watch your tv. You interrupt your viewing for five minutes at some point to move the laundry into the dryer. You interrupt your viewing an hour later to take the laundry out, and you fold it while watching your show.
Every other weekend I pack up my dirty laundry in my oversized backpack and pedal to the local laundromat. Ninety minutes and $4 later my laundry is done for the week and I am on my way back home. I didn't require a team to pick my clothes up, carry them off someplace in a gas-guzzling vehicle, be and cleaned and returned in another gas-guzzling vehicle packed in plastic and cardboard which will inevitably end up in a landfill. I'm not a hero. I just have two hours every two weeks to do this. You can't tell me that these women can't do laundry while they are watching tv.
The Convenience Culture is getting really, really awful. We've got prepackaged meals for specialized ovens. We've got every restaurant, burger joint and 7-11 ready to deliver everything from a four-course meal to a bag of chips to our door at the swipe of a phone. And now we've got spoiled princesses using a laundry service instead of the perfectly serviceable washer and dryer WE KNOW ARE SITTING IN THIS HOUSE.
"I see something, I buy it." Yes, exactly. The fact that you say that to a worldwide audience, with a big smile on your face, doesn't make it any better. Just sadder.
Klarna, AfterPay, and a dozen other apps make it super-easy to pay a little down and get that impulse buy into your house as quickly as possible, with the monthly installment payments coming later. If those companies have their way, you'll find this so convenient and easy you won't even notice when your entire paycheck is being vacuumed up by installment payments on stuff you already impulsively purchased because Gosh This App Makes It Seem Like Its Practically Free.
I'm sure this won't end badly. After all, what could go wrong with Buy Now Pay Later? What's good for the 1920s has to be good for the 2020s, right? And never mind that the average American is already carrying $6500 in credit card debt. We'll be fine as long as we can keep buying stuff.
You'll forgive me if I have an instant negative reaction to any commercial that starts with "Hey, Human."
Especially since the last thing I really need in my life is another commercial which accuses the most productive people on the planet of falling short of optimum productivity. Companies like this- and Indeed, and LinkedIn, etc.- are constantly pushing products to get just one more drop of sweat out of an already exhausted, discouraged workforce by using This Software or This Spreadsheet or This "Connectivity Opportunity" or This App.
In short, it's Always Something with these companies. And it has nothing to do with being human, and everything to do with exploitation. And it never stops being less gross.
Look, it's a delicious burger. Look how delicious it is! What a great burger!
Know what would go great with this truly delicious-looking burger? Some milk. A milkshake. A glass of water. A beer.
Oh, Coca-Cola. That would go great with this burger, if you like Coca-Cola. But if you like Coca-Cola, why do you need to pair it with a delicious-looking burger?
And if Coca-Cola is so good, why does this commercial sell the burger better than the soda?
This girl wants to get out of living with her grandparents, parents and siblings and I don't blame her, but here's a some cold water in the form of that nasty thing called Reality: The fact that a job opening has been posted on Indeed doesn't mean that there's actually a job available, let alone that this girl is going to get it.
And that kid is hysterical- he sees that the salary is around $100,000 per year and says "you're gonna be a millionaire in ten years!" Uh, yeah- if there were no such thing as taxes, and there were no such thing as expenses. If your sister gets that job and actually makes $100,000 a year, invests it well, and gets to live at home for free then MAYBE she'll be a millionaire in ten years. Otherwise- kid, that is not the way life works .
Then she gets an interview- and the family acts as if she's already been handed the job. Like businesses don't make job postings all the time just to gauge the market, and as if companies don't interview all the time just to see who is out there. It's very possible that there is no actual job at this company. But if there is, how many people got exactly the same "invite" to interview? An interview and $3 will buy you a cup of coffee at Starbucks, young lady. Be careful- your family acts like they are ready to start spending your money before it's in your hand.
Cripes, what is going on here? I get the feeling that the concepts of "having a job" and "getting a paycheck" are completely alien to everyone who lives under this roof. Who is paying for what this family already has? Whoever it is, I suspect he's going to keep shelling out while the people living on his dime continue to give themselves high-fives over being "invited" to interview. Major Eyeroll.
