This awful, awful Sling ad

 

1.  Every single one of these jackasses who are verbally (and, finally, physically) assaulting the delivery guy subscribed to the paper that they are angrily rejecting in favor of a service that allows them to become fertilizer for whatever bacteria farm is growing on their overused couches.  How about using one of those phones surgically connected to your hand to just cancel those subscriptions and save a few trees instead of yelling at the guy employed to deliver it, you ugly knobs?

2.  Sorry we made you get off that coach, Stupid Fat Loud Lady with Tea.  I'm sure it took a real effort and you don't appreciate going to the door when it isn't to accept your Uber Eats order.  

3.  None of these people are at all interested in what is happening outside their own navels, and you can't convince me otherwise.  They are only outside because it's that time of day where they get to unleash venom on an innocent guy just trying to do a job you asked him to do when you signed up for that subscription.  Seriously, what is the matter with you people?

Walmart Ads bring to mind wise words from a misunderstood man.

 

I am going to assume that the great majority of people who are gushing like lunatics over the recognizable character in these Walmart ads are bots.  Because I have to.  For my own peace of mind.

Still, the message I get from all of these ads is the one Scrooge gives Bob Cratchit at the beginning of A Christmas Carol- that Christmas is an excuse to spend money on things you don't need with money you don't have, and a time to find yourself a year older and not a penny richer.  We can't do anything about  being a day older, but I for one am tired of being told to rescue the American economy every December by overexercising my credit card on junk.  Especially junk from Walmart.

And especially since, right now, a massive Depression that sweeps away the party of the incoming regime would be just fine with me.  I will be fine.  You morons with your credit card debt brought on by the perfect combination of impulse spending and gambling app addiction won't.  Don't say me and my friend Ebenezer didn't warn you.

American Airlines: A mixed (misplaced, delayed) bag

 

Arrived at Patrick Leahy International Airport at about 4 PM yesterday, to find that my bag would be on the 11 PM flight.  That's a fail, as I'm pretty sure that my luggage was supposed to travel with me on the same plane- that's normally how it works, right?  I haven't checked a bag for any flight other than business travel for maybe thirty years, so I'm not sure....

My bag is supposed to be delivered to my address here in Vermont sometime this morning, and I can track it as it approaches, so that's a good thing- American Airlines taking responsibility for it's snafu.  So as long as it shows up and it IS my bag and the contents are intact, it's a forgivable error. 

Meanwhile, maybe you should get things like this fixed before you offer "more" than the basics- like, getting bags put on the same planes as the passengers they belong to?  Maybe?

Lexus December to Remember Sled Dogs Ad: Yeah, Right.

 

1.  No one is taking their Lexus off-road into the snow, because no one is risking getting it dented, scratched or subject to being towed after it gets stuck in a drift.  These cars are purchased to look good in the driveway in front of your Suburban McMansion, period.

2.  No one is letting a pack of dogs into the back of their Lexus.  God knows what those paws have on them- but whatever it is, it isn't contaminating the seats and floor mats of that ridiculous car.  Give us a break, Lexus. 

The Ford F-150 is an example of everything that is wrong about America's Conspicuous Consumption Problem

 

The current average monthly payment for a new car purchase in the United States is $780.  The average contract term for a new car purchase is 72 months.  Six years.  

The average cost of this ridiculous truck that absolutely nobody needs in their life is $71,000.  That's the cash price, without financing.  With financing, the cost of this LookAtMeMobile could easily push past $100,000 over the span of seven years.  For a truck that, again, absolutely nobody needs.  A truck that won't be worth one-fifth what you'd pay for it by the time you are done paying for it.

Read the room, Ford.  It's 2024 and a lot of us are hurting.  There are people out there who might want this truck, but if only people who need it buy it you can't make it profitable to build it- so you have to try to sell it to people who want it but can't afford it.  So you keep making ads like this and stretching out the payment windows to make it look affordable.  While it simply isn't affordable, even with contracts of six years.  Or more.

Of course, people are free to make all the stupid decisions they want with their money.  I just don't want to see them showing up on YouTube complaining about Inflation and the Cost of Living as they bleat into their iPhones while sitting in the front seat of that truck they wanted but didn't need and can't afford.  Spare me that, at least.

Temu's "shop like a billionaire" ads are the unfunniest joke of the season

 

I guess "shop like a billionaire" is supposed to mean "shop like the price doesn't matter."  Which, yeah, I guess makes sense if you think that you can buy a dress of any quality for less than the thrift store is charging, or if you think that you can fill your one-bedroom apartment with decent furniture for the cost of one bag of groceries.  Just look at the AI-generated image, decide it looks good, and hit the BUY button.  In a few weeks it will show up fresh from a Chinese slave mill and won't look one bit like the thing you thought you were buying, but it was so cheap it's not worth returning and hell maybe it will be ok for one wear or a few months of use before it lands in the trash can (not the thrift store, because it doesn't qualify for the thrift store.)

Here's how billionaires actually shop- they go to the store and check out the item (or send an employee to do it.)  They buy quality stuff and get value for their dollar.  Impulse-buying junk is not something billionaires do (William Randolph Hearst was a famous impulse buyer, but he wasn't a billionaire.)  Impulse buying is not something that anyone with a lot of money does.  It's kind of why they have money.  

This is using an iPhone to do your Dollar Store shopping.  Instead of being seen at the Dollar Store, you get to buy the same garbage from the other side of the planet from your phone, delivered discreetly to your doorstep.  But it's still Dollar Store Junk sold at Dollar Store prices.  Which means, it's actually quite expensive considering the quality received.

But considering the rapid closure of every large department store in the United States, it's also probably the future of shopping.  So this is going to get worse before it gets better (it's never getting better.)  Good luck to all of us.

Thank the Supreme Court for these "Gambling is Fun" commercials

 

In 2018, the United States Supreme Court in a 7-2 decision struck down the Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act, opening the door to legalized gambling on all sports in pretty much every state just a few years later.  Today, the word "ubiquitous" does not come close to describing the presence of ads which encourage the development and indulgence in a crippling addiction that destroys finances and families in the name of "entertainment."

The average American holds about $6300 in credit card debt.  The average user of gambling apps holds about $15,000- more than twice as much.  Is that the cost of "fun?"

Do the people who watch these commercials think that Kevin Hart, David Ortiz, Jamie Foxx, LeBron James, and all of the other celebrities who line their already bursting wallets with blood money actually use any of these horrible, destructive junk?  Where do they think the money to pay them- and to create these ads comes from?  

And why do the networks adore online gambling apps?  Well, for one thing, DraftKings, FanDuel, BetMGM, Caesars etc. pump all kinds of wonderful, wonderful money into the pockets of ABC, NBC, CBS, Amazon, Hulu etc. not only by sponsoring ads, but also entire blocs of programming- pregame shows, halftime shows, postgame shows, etc.   Perhaps of even more value is the fact that getting viewers  to bet on individual stats keeps those who do glued to their sets even during boring blowouts.  Which means more ad revenue for Dr. Pepper and Budweiser and pharmaceuticals and the tiny handful of non-gambling-related commercials still purchasing time during sporting events.  

If I believed in hell, I'd at least find some comfort in thinking that at least these disgusting spokespeople for drug dealers are laughing their way there, but instead I have to believe they are laughing their way to only one place- the bank.  The guillotines can't be dusted off fast enough.