Capital One's "Well Deserved" emails: A Quick Rant

 

Full Disclosure:  I have a Capital One credit card.  I use it for big purchases (airplane tickets, hotels, stuff like that.)  I have nothing against credit cards as long as they don't prey on economics-challenged desperate people who are on their way to Payday loans with plastic cards as a temporary way station.  They are useful tools when used correctly.

My only reason for making this post is because this morning I got my daily "Well Deserved!" email from Capital One, which as usual offered to "reward" me with an offer to buy something.  According to Capital One, pretty much everything I "deserve" involves an opportunity to use my card and accumulate debt.  I deserve debt?  I should reward myself with more debt?  This sense no makes.

If Capital One would really like to reward me with something, how about more rewards points or a lower interest rate?  I think I Deserve those things.  

By the way, this commercial was made in 2006.  I bet those actors playing the parents of that fat doofus are dead now.  Maybe fat doofus son is dead too, unless he got that weight under control.  Pardon me for being morbid.  It's Monday, after all. 

Copper Cures Everything?

 

I mean, no wonder it's so expensive.  Copper cures all aches and pains and is just magic, I guess, especially when combined with tight straps and especially when included in rigid material that holds the back in place.

Wait, what?  It's the pressure that eases the back and wrist and knee pain, and not the copper?  Is that why my compression socks help despite the fact that they don't contain any copper?  Or is their lack of copper depriving me of the relief I could be getting?  Could someone explain to me exactly HOW copper is supposed to ease pain- what is it about the chemistry of copper that gives it pain-alleviating properties?  

I still maintain that copper is the Stone in the Soup of Pain Relief.  Pressure increases stability and relieves pain.  Adding copper increases....the price.  And those copper wristbands?  I put them in the same category of placebos, rabbit's feet, etc.-- believing that they work may make it so for some people.

This is using tension to reduce stress, and there's nothing new about the use of back braces.    Considering that a lot of these ads are more than a decade old, there's nothing new about Copperfit's scam, either.

Direct TV's Most Depressing Ad

 

Pigeons may be ugly and dirty and all-around nuisances, but I'll say this for them:  At least they're outside.

Looks like a nice day, too.  But the zombie humans they are spying on are All About The Big Glowing Box and have no time for fresh air and sunshine because after all switching from one show to another- or even watching several at the same time- is so seamless and effortless.  Going outside would require getting up.  Maybe even putting on shoes.  And if the humans here wanted anything to do with that nonsense, they wouldn't be paying hundreds of dollars a month on their TV addiction.  I mean, let's be real here.

Binge away, DirectTV Zombies.  I'm heading out for a walk.  And if it sounds like I think I'm making the superior choice, well, yeah.  I guess I am. 

Hey Jake from State Farm- maybe get back to work?

I'm in the market for a new car; I'll probably be buying one within the next thirty days.  Since I've had rental insurance from State Farm for more than a quarter of a freaking century, I thought I'd give them a call to let them know and get a quote because, you know, this bundling thing and discounts I've been beaten over the head with hearing about Like Forever.

I left a message with my local State Farm agent, whose name I will not mention- THIS time.  I'll try to call again on Monday.  If I can't get someone on the phone or get a voicemail answered, I'll have to assume that Jake is just too busy blowing smoke up Pat Mahomes' ass* to bother with little old Loyal Customer Me.  And I'll have to publicize the name of my asleep-at-the-wheel agent as the reason I called that idiot with the Emu to ask about coverage.  For both my apartment AND my new car, because I'm pretty sure those guys are into bundling too.  

P.S. not one viewer in 100 remembers that Fumblerino skit from the 1990s, and that one didn't want to be reminded. 

*which, to be fair, is probably still pretty sore after being slammed to the turf every few seconds during that big football game some weeks back.

If you need a Voom, you really just need a Broom

 

Seriously, this is a broom with a built-in dustpan which probably has to be emptied just as often as a dustpan.  A broom that costs $60.  I'm pretty sure that I can still get a broom at the local dollar store for under $10 and a dustpan for another buck or two.  

In short, this is just another As Seen on TV waste of money.  Dumb.

Meet the new Audi, but don't get too attached.....

 

1.  Audis are among the very worst automobiles when factoring in maintenance costs, reliability, and fuel consumption.  When they say "this is how much the Audi costs," they mean "this is how much it costs to drive it off the lot."  What they don't tell you is how much it costs to keep it on the road.  If you keep this car for a few years, it's going to be an ongoing expense but I guess maybe it doesn't matter to the targeted audience.  But what about the people who buy this car who aren't in the target audience?  Well....

2.  Audis are also among the most repo'd cars on the market.  Way, way too many people are being suckered into buying one of these LookAtMe Mobiles at interest rates soaring above 20%, falling behind on payments, and having their friendly neighborhood Repo guy show up and tow it back to the dealership (or the bank, if you actually had enough credit to avoid dealership financing.)  Which is kind of ironic, isn't it- you bought the car to show well for your neighbors, and now your neighbors are watching it being hauled off because you've been exposed as a Pretend-Rich Poser.  

--posting as a guy looking at a 2012 Honda Civic with a clean CarFax.  A 2012 Civic that has been repossessed twice.  Could I afford an Audi?  No.  Could I afford a brand-new Honda Civic?  Yep.  But that 2025 Honda Civic isn't built as well as the one manufactured in 2012 and contains bells and whistles that make the insurance on it much, much higher.  Nobody will stare at it at a red light, but seriously who cares?

I see no evidence that iPhone users are legitimately concerned with this

 

If you're so concerned with your privacy, why are you having stupid, loud conversations in public using these things?  Give me a break, you've been exhibiting your narcissism using iPhones for more than twenty years.   NOW you're worried about privacy?  I'm not buying it.

Oh wait.  This is just another pointless add-on designed to convince people that the iPhone they purchased for Xmas is now out of date and "needs" to be updated Just Tap Your Card Here.  Yeah, no.  I'm not buying THAT, either.