This Bizarre Golden Corral Commercial, Part I

 

"I'm sure you're wondering why you brought you here to Golden Corral."

Yeah, is something wrong?  I mean, this place is crap and with the actors being chosen to portray actual customers, and the extras chosen to depict actual customers in the background. and the cleanliness and excellent lighting and the rest, this sure doesn't resemble any Golden Corral I've ever seen.

"It's because the food here is almost frighteningly cheap considering what it claims to be.  Do you know how expensive this would be in an actual restaurant with real health and quality standards that DOESN'T cater to people who wear sweatpants almost exclusively and have BMIs that resemble highway speed limits?"

"My script says I'm supposed to say 'no, I'm only six,' because ad execs still think that's the way six year olds talk."

"Well, it would cost a LOT."

"Since I'm a precocious kid in an American television ad, I'll just throw in 'well, you get what you pay for,' and I didn't imagine that this bland, greasy sludge was particularly hard on your wallet, dad."

In both this ad and the upcoming Part II, the parents act as if they've never heard of this Golden Corral place and are just stunned to find that there's a building calling itself a restaurant where a family can stuff itself with all of the reheated fish sticks, chicken and gravy it can hold down for one low price.  Again, is something wrong here?

That Homeaglow Commercial that didn't land well....

 

Spoiled rotten blonde suburban princess found out that she could save a few bucks by having Homeaglow do the housekeeping she is probably perfectly capable of doing herself, so she happily FIRED her housekeeper.  She didn't "stop looking for housekeepers" or even "let her housekeeper go."  She FIRED her.  Which would mean Unemployment Benefits and other security except that you just KNOW the housekeeper who got fired was being paid under the table (and was probably dependent on a job which involved scrubbing this hideous woman's toilet) and Blonde Wifey Model #37 caused a severe financial crisis when she decided to respond to a clickbait "Super-Cheap Housekeeping Service" ad on YouTube.

"I've done a good job for you, why are you firing me?"

"Because I found a cheaper option.  Say hi to Pepe for me."

"His name's Mario.  I don't know how I'm going to tell him we might have to leave the area to find more work, all his friends go to the school he's in now."

"That's sad.  I bet you can get a job with Homeaglow.  Sure, they won't pay you anywhere near as much as I was, but at least it will be familiar work and Pepe gets to stay in his school."

"Mario.  His name's Mario."  

"I'd love to chat, but I'm late for my MAGA rally.  Hope you and Pepe have an awesome day, and if I don't see you again, good luck in Mexico."

"Nicaragua.  We're from Nicaragua." 

Apple "Intelligence" Commercial shows No Such Thing

 

It's 21st century American television, so of course the main character of this trash is a fat, lazy, clueless white man who isn't even bright enough to know how to pretend to look busy at his cushy office job.  I have to assume he's someone's nephew, because this guy has earned his PhD at Not Giving One Flying Damn University.

After f--king around for I have to assume All Day (and also have to assume As Usual,) Bored Idiot surrounded by Intelligent, Productive Women Not Related to the CEO finally decides to send a text that is so obviously AI-generated brown-nosing (and focuses primarily on shifting responsibility up the chain of command) that it stuns his boss into silence.  Never mind that this only works if the guy who gets the text is less aware than the lump of cells molding it's shape into an office chair more valuable than the employee sitting in it.  I mean, I'm a Boomer and I can recognize AI-generated content.  If the doofus slob wanted his text to be believable, he would have kept it littered with broken syntax and maybe thrown in a few emojis to replace the thoughts he doesn't have in his head.  

This guy is all but announcing over the intercom that he is doing no work, does not know how to do any work, has no interest in doing any work, and responds to requests to do work by attempting to use AI to hand the work off to someone else.  I see no intelligence here, but he might be smarter than the people willing to put up with his nonsense and keep him employed in that office.  Except, of course, that whole nepotism thing.

Buy Now, Pay Later: This couple is so very screwed

 

"Hey honey, it's your turn to vacuum."

"No problem- I bought a $499 Roomba.  No worries, I used CommBank StepPay, so it only costs $125 every two weeks for two months."

"Um, ok.  Oh by the way, remember I recreated my grandmother's meatloaf recipe from scratch last night.  So it's your turn to cook."

"No problem- I ordered Uber Eats, it will be here in a minute.  Just $20 every two weeks for two months.  Easy peazy."

"Um....ok.  Just one more thing.  Where did this new couch come from? I thought we said we were going to hold off on new furniture?"

"That's before I discovered the wonderful world of Buy Now, Pay Later.  This couch is only $200 every six weeks for six months.  We can afford $200!"

"Thanks for reminding me why we have separate bank and credit card accounts, honey." 

Capital One's "Well Deserved" emails: A Quick Rant

 

Full Disclosure:  I have a Capital One credit card.  I use it for big purchases (airplane tickets, hotels, stuff like that.)  I have nothing against credit cards as long as they don't prey on economics-challenged desperate people who are on their way to Payday loans with plastic cards as a temporary way station.  They are useful tools when used correctly.

My only reason for making this post is because this morning I got my daily "Well Deserved!" email from Capital One, which as usual offered to "reward" me with an offer to buy something.  According to Capital One, pretty much everything I "deserve" involves an opportunity to use my card and accumulate debt.  I deserve debt?  I should reward myself with more debt?  This sense no makes.

If Capital One would really like to reward me with something, how about more rewards points or a lower interest rate?  I think I Deserve those things.  

By the way, this commercial was made in 2006.  I bet those actors playing the parents of that fat doofus are dead now.  Maybe fat doofus son is dead too, unless he got that weight under control.  Pardon me for being morbid.  It's Monday, after all. 

Copper Cures Everything?

 

I mean, no wonder it's so expensive.  Copper cures all aches and pains and is just magic, I guess, especially when combined with tight straps and especially when included in rigid material that holds the back in place.

Wait, what?  It's the pressure that eases the back and wrist and knee pain, and not the copper?  Is that why my compression socks help despite the fact that they don't contain any copper?  Or is their lack of copper depriving me of the relief I could be getting?  Could someone explain to me exactly HOW copper is supposed to ease pain- what is it about the chemistry of copper that gives it pain-alleviating properties?  

I still maintain that copper is the Stone in the Soup of Pain Relief.  Pressure increases stability and relieves pain.  Adding copper increases....the price.  And those copper wristbands?  I put them in the same category of placebos, rabbit's feet, etc.-- believing that they work may make it so for some people.

This is using tension to reduce stress, and there's nothing new about the use of back braces.    Considering that a lot of these ads are more than a decade old, there's nothing new about Copperfit's scam, either.

Direct TV's Most Depressing Ad

 

Pigeons may be ugly and dirty and all-around nuisances, but I'll say this for them:  At least they're outside.

Looks like a nice day, too.  But the zombie humans they are spying on are All About The Big Glowing Box and have no time for fresh air and sunshine because after all switching from one show to another- or even watching several at the same time- is so seamless and effortless.  Going outside would require getting up.  Maybe even putting on shoes.  And if the humans here wanted anything to do with that nonsense, they wouldn't be paying hundreds of dollars a month on their TV addiction.  I mean, let's be real here.

Binge away, DirectTV Zombies.  I'm heading out for a walk.  And if it sounds like I think I'm making the superior choice, well, yeah.  I guess I am.