"Do you have more than $10,000 in Credit Card Debt? Wouldn't you like to get out from under the stress of the outrageous payments? Well, now you can get the fresh start that you deserve!"
Yay! But wait...I don't have $10,000 in Credit Card Debt-- yet, I consider the payments I'm expected to make on purchases I've made in the past "outrageous," so can this company, "Debt Free Stimulus," help me out?
Turns out that the answer is "no"- "You must have AT LEAST $10,000 in Credit Card debt to qualify."
No problem, I say. I'm heading out to Sears to buy clothes and sneakers and big-screen tvs I don't need and can't afford. That will put me over the minimum needed to qualify for what Debt-Free Stimulus calls a "Bailout" ("The Government is bailing out the banks, now it's your turn!") It sounds so official! I've been hearing about all this bailout stuff, it was only a matter of time before I was offered my own, personal bailout, right? Right?
But wait, there's a caveat- "if you are now working, and can afford to make monthly payments, you may qualify for one of our Debt-Free Stimulus Programs...." Darn it, always a catch!! If I was working, and could afford to make monthly payments, I wouldn't NEED a bailout!! I would just send those monthly payments to my CREDITORS! And I wouldn't jack my debt up to above $10,000 before doing it!
Here's the bottom line with Debt-Free Stimulus: They don't want your business unless you are 1) Desperate, and 2) Have a Bank Account available to be drained. . If you owe, say, $5000 to American Express and just don't WANT to pay the $50 minimum monthly because gosh, that's annoying, Debt-Free Stimulus is not for you. If you don't have a job that allows you to put money into a drainable bank account, you aren't an attractive candidate for Debt-Free Stimulus's "services," either. When the spokesperson says "the fresh start that you deserve," she's not referring to YOU, specifically. And there's the door.
One final complaint- "Debt-Free Stimulus?" "The Government is bailing out the banks, now it's your turn?" I call False Advertising here- sounds for all the world like this is a Government-sponsored program passed by Congress. And there's another program called "Tax Debt Bailout" ("get out from under your tax debt!") just in case "Debt-Free Stimulus" is too complicated for some listeners. I'd bet anything that they are the same company. Scumbags.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
When the Cure is worse than the Disease
In a darkened room, a little girl lays on a couch, watching television. Suddenly we are treated to a Poltergeist flashback, as the girl is enveloped by a weird static band of light projected from the television. As if caught in a tractor beam, the little girl is lifted from the couch and gradually pulled toward the television set- joined by her little brother, who before becoming transfixed by the jumping images on the tv seemed to be sitting at a desk engaged in (gasp) some kind of creative activity, and the family dog.
Now all three are caught in their own beams of light, hovering in front of the television, moving closer....and then suddenly the spell is broken by a doughy adult I must take as The Dad, who opens up the door and calls out "hey guys, I got Dunkin Donuts!"
We hear the sound of bodies crashing to the floor, then kids rushing into the kitchen as Dad- joined by Mom, opens up the box of donuts- twelve of them, no two alike. Dad's also brought two huge cups of coffee, I assume just for himself and Mom, because of course coffee is for adults only. Greasy rings of fried dough slathered in icing is fine for children, but caffeine? Not 'till you are at least sixteen, kids.
A few notes- the tv room is very dark, but when the scene shifts to the kitchen, we can see it's daytime, with bright sunlight pouring in. So these kids were spending a beautiful, sunny day sitting in a dark room until dad came in with the Cholesterol Delivery Systems. And what's with the twelve different donuts? Are there eight other people yet to arrive for the blood-sugar spiking, death-hastening snack? Do the people in this family prefer one type of donut for the afternoon break, and another type for their before-bedtime snack? Or did Dad go to Dunkin Donuts without Clue One as to what type of donuts his family prefers, and so decided to go with a random assortment?
Finally- it's nice that Dad got the kids away from the darkened room and the Evil TV. It's kind of depressing that he did it with a bribe of donuts. Maybe the television was turning their brains to mush, but is a five-minute, 500-calorie break the best Mom and Dad could come up with? Once the last empty calorie has been consumed, aren't these kids going to go right back into hibernation in front of the television?
Here's an idea for next time- go into that room and turn the damn idiot box off. Take your kids to the park. You can drink your coffee as you walk. Your kids will get some sun and some exercise, and they won't grow up equating fun with shoving balls of greasy frosting down their cake holes. Just a thought.
Now all three are caught in their own beams of light, hovering in front of the television, moving closer....and then suddenly the spell is broken by a doughy adult I must take as The Dad, who opens up the door and calls out "hey guys, I got Dunkin Donuts!"
We hear the sound of bodies crashing to the floor, then kids rushing into the kitchen as Dad- joined by Mom, opens up the box of donuts- twelve of them, no two alike. Dad's also brought two huge cups of coffee, I assume just for himself and Mom, because of course coffee is for adults only. Greasy rings of fried dough slathered in icing is fine for children, but caffeine? Not 'till you are at least sixteen, kids.
A few notes- the tv room is very dark, but when the scene shifts to the kitchen, we can see it's daytime, with bright sunlight pouring in. So these kids were spending a beautiful, sunny day sitting in a dark room until dad came in with the Cholesterol Delivery Systems. And what's with the twelve different donuts? Are there eight other people yet to arrive for the blood-sugar spiking, death-hastening snack? Do the people in this family prefer one type of donut for the afternoon break, and another type for their before-bedtime snack? Or did Dad go to Dunkin Donuts without Clue One as to what type of donuts his family prefers, and so decided to go with a random assortment?
Finally- it's nice that Dad got the kids away from the darkened room and the Evil TV. It's kind of depressing that he did it with a bribe of donuts. Maybe the television was turning their brains to mush, but is a five-minute, 500-calorie break the best Mom and Dad could come up with? Once the last empty calorie has been consumed, aren't these kids going to go right back into hibernation in front of the television?
Here's an idea for next time- go into that room and turn the damn idiot box off. Take your kids to the park. You can drink your coffee as you walk. Your kids will get some sun and some exercise, and they won't grow up equating fun with shoving balls of greasy frosting down their cake holes. Just a thought.
Burger King Commercial Strains the limits of Suspended Disbelief
Guy is sitting on his living room couch with a hot girl when suddenly the Burger King mascot beams in with two flunkies. The two newcomers appear to be disguised as some kind of space aliens- and any mystery as to who they are supposed to be is quickly revealed by the guy, who gasps "Klingons!"
Burger King mascot takes the guy's Special Edition Burger King/Star Trek Collectors glasses. Guy responds, "oh great, why don't you just take my girlfriend?" Hot girl displays stunned, disgusted look- and is quickly beamed away along with Burger King mascot and "klingon" flunkies.
Distraught guy looks at his dog and snarks "thanks a lot, Tiberius."
So what's not to believe? That this guy is a Star Trek fan? No. That this guy eats at Burger King often enough to collect all of the available Star Trek Collection glasses? No, I'll buy that, too. That this guy is such a big Star Trek fan that he named his dog "Tiberius?" No- I'll even concede that.
But don't tell me that a guy who treasures his Burger King/Star Trek Collection glasses and is such a big Star Trek fan that he named his dog after Captain Kirk and doesn't blink an eye when "Klingons" beam into his living room has a hot girlfriend. Or any girlfriend at all.
I mean, come on. There's only so much fantasy that you can fit into a 30-second spot.
Burger King mascot takes the guy's Special Edition Burger King/Star Trek Collectors glasses. Guy responds, "oh great, why don't you just take my girlfriend?" Hot girl displays stunned, disgusted look- and is quickly beamed away along with Burger King mascot and "klingon" flunkies.
Distraught guy looks at his dog and snarks "thanks a lot, Tiberius."
So what's not to believe? That this guy is a Star Trek fan? No. That this guy eats at Burger King often enough to collect all of the available Star Trek Collection glasses? No, I'll buy that, too. That this guy is such a big Star Trek fan that he named his dog "Tiberius?" No- I'll even concede that.
But don't tell me that a guy who treasures his Burger King/Star Trek Collection glasses and is such a big Star Trek fan that he named his dog after Captain Kirk and doesn't blink an eye when "Klingons" beam into his living room has a hot girlfriend. Or any girlfriend at all.
I mean, come on. There's only so much fantasy that you can fit into a 30-second spot.
Your Car is Gay, and so are You
Here's that black Volkswagon beetle again, speaking in a faux-German accent worthy of Bernie Koppel in Get Smart, pitching the benefits of the Jetta to us unlucky viewers. This time, it's sitting in the driveway of a typical suburban home, casually discussing how great the Jetta is with some fat slob who is innocently washing his Prius, not aware that he's about to get a smackdown from a car with no heater, no seatbelts and a lawnmower engine.
The Volkswagen tells Unfortunate Fat Suburban Slob that the Jetta is just the most awesomely popular car in the United States. Fat Slob, who for some reason feels he needs to explain himself to a car that hasn't been built in the US for more than thirty years, replies "well, this is a Hybrid."
"Ahhh..." responds the black Volkswagen. "But the Jetta is rated at 58 miles per gallon."
Idiot fat dope coughs up water he's been drinking out of the hose. "Fifty-eight?"
The smartass Volkswagon continues "and when you step on the gas, you hear RRRRRRRR..."
Fat moron chimes in "RRRRRRRRRR!!!"
Volkswagon, having set up Fat Suburban Moron, adds "what sound does YOUR car make?"
Guy freezes. Oh man, he's been owned! Because his car is QUIET and it doesn't make man-noises when you push the gas pedal down! It doesn't tell the neighbors that you are home! It doesn't give you that sexual thrill that "RRRRRRR" does! It's as Unmanly as having a "Man-Step" or a Heated Steering Wheel!
And he doesn't just freeze- he lets out this sick wheezing sound like he realizes for the first time how he looks washing his Japanese Hybrid "Car," which not only doesn't use much gas, but it doesn't make noise either!! It's BARELY even an AUTOMOBILE!! Quick, get that Liberalmobile to your local Volkswagon dealer and beg him to take it off your hands in exchange for a Jetta!
Then, apologize to your neighbors for having once owned a quiet, environmentally-friendly automobile. And be sure to rev your engine while doing it.
The Volkswagen tells Unfortunate Fat Suburban Slob that the Jetta is just the most awesomely popular car in the United States. Fat Slob, who for some reason feels he needs to explain himself to a car that hasn't been built in the US for more than thirty years, replies "well, this is a Hybrid."
"Ahhh..." responds the black Volkswagen. "But the Jetta is rated at 58 miles per gallon."
Idiot fat dope coughs up water he's been drinking out of the hose. "Fifty-eight?"
The smartass Volkswagon continues "and when you step on the gas, you hear RRRRRRRR..."
Fat moron chimes in "RRRRRRRRRR!!!"
Volkswagon, having set up Fat Suburban Moron, adds "what sound does YOUR car make?"
Guy freezes. Oh man, he's been owned! Because his car is QUIET and it doesn't make man-noises when you push the gas pedal down! It doesn't tell the neighbors that you are home! It doesn't give you that sexual thrill that "RRRRRRR" does! It's as Unmanly as having a "Man-Step" or a Heated Steering Wheel!
And he doesn't just freeze- he lets out this sick wheezing sound like he realizes for the first time how he looks washing his Japanese Hybrid "Car," which not only doesn't use much gas, but it doesn't make noise either!! It's BARELY even an AUTOMOBILE!! Quick, get that Liberalmobile to your local Volkswagon dealer and beg him to take it off your hands in exchange for a Jetta!
Then, apologize to your neighbors for having once owned a quiet, environmentally-friendly automobile. And be sure to rev your engine while doing it.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
OnStar: First the Soft Sell, then the Hard Sell
OnStar Commercial #1: (on television) Picnicking family makes a mad dash to the SUV as the rain comes pelting down. Wet, smiling mother presses the OnStar button and says "we're going to need directions to the nearest movie theatre."
OnStar Commercial #2: (on the radio) Onstar operator intones "our alert system has gone off, indicating that you have been in a crash. Stay still, we are sending an ambulance." Heavy breathing can be heard in the background.
OnStar Commercial # 3: (on television) Jeff Gordon of NASCAR fame casually taps his OnStar button and declares "I'll be needing turn by turn directions to the nearest car wash." Operator is more than happy to assist Mr. Gordon with this trivial matter (because really, what are the odds that someone recently impaled by his own steering wheel is trying to get an operator on the line?
OnStar Commercial #4: (on radio) we hear crying, and a frantic-sounding woman pleading for help because "I think my husband has had a heart attack, we hit a tree and there's (sob) blood (sob) everywhere...."
Cripes. So happy images showing OnStar's convenience when it's a TV commercial, with the frightening sounds of impending death and the unmistakeable message that you will probably die without OnStar reserved for radio. I think I've got it.
Except, I'd like to know exactly how many OnStar operators are working at any one time-- if some idiot is calling to ask where the nearest movie theatre is, isn't he taking up the time of an operator who could be helping someone who just drove into a flooded ravine? If Mr. Gordon is getting directions to the fricking CAR WASH, is someone trying to free what's left of his right arm from what used to be his steering wheel on hold? I mean, I simply can't buy the idea that a real human being is just waiting to spring to action the moment that button is pushed, every second of every day.
I'd also like to admit right here that the job of Operator at OnStar is simply not for me- I wouldn't have the patience to deal with self-absorbed choads who really think it's ok to use OnStar's service to find car washes and movie theatres. I'd probably end up asking if they need their diapers changed while I'm at it.
Oh, and just heard today, OnStar Commercial # 5: No horrible accident, no dipshit casually calling for directions to the nearest potty, just an announcer admonishing us for thinking that our cell phones are an adequate substititute for the OnStar service: "How do you know your cell phone will even work after an accident?: (Well, it's not actually attached to my car, like OnStar would be, so it seems like a pretty good bet...) "What if your phone is thrown clear? What if you can't reach it?" Message: You are as good as DEAD if you are in an accident and don't have OnStar. Your pathetic cell phone (which, judging from what I see from drivers on a regular basis, was probably in use at the time of the accident) won't save you. Only that life-saving Blue Button above the console stands between you and eternal rest.
Besides, what if you need to find the nearest 7-11? You got an APP for that?
OnStar Commercial #2: (on the radio) Onstar operator intones "our alert system has gone off, indicating that you have been in a crash. Stay still, we are sending an ambulance." Heavy breathing can be heard in the background.
OnStar Commercial # 3: (on television) Jeff Gordon of NASCAR fame casually taps his OnStar button and declares "I'll be needing turn by turn directions to the nearest car wash." Operator is more than happy to assist Mr. Gordon with this trivial matter (because really, what are the odds that someone recently impaled by his own steering wheel is trying to get an operator on the line?
OnStar Commercial #4: (on radio) we hear crying, and a frantic-sounding woman pleading for help because "I think my husband has had a heart attack, we hit a tree and there's (sob) blood (sob) everywhere...."
Cripes. So happy images showing OnStar's convenience when it's a TV commercial, with the frightening sounds of impending death and the unmistakeable message that you will probably die without OnStar reserved for radio. I think I've got it.
Except, I'd like to know exactly how many OnStar operators are working at any one time-- if some idiot is calling to ask where the nearest movie theatre is, isn't he taking up the time of an operator who could be helping someone who just drove into a flooded ravine? If Mr. Gordon is getting directions to the fricking CAR WASH, is someone trying to free what's left of his right arm from what used to be his steering wheel on hold? I mean, I simply can't buy the idea that a real human being is just waiting to spring to action the moment that button is pushed, every second of every day.
I'd also like to admit right here that the job of Operator at OnStar is simply not for me- I wouldn't have the patience to deal with self-absorbed choads who really think it's ok to use OnStar's service to find car washes and movie theatres. I'd probably end up asking if they need their diapers changed while I'm at it.
Oh, and just heard today, OnStar Commercial # 5: No horrible accident, no dipshit casually calling for directions to the nearest potty, just an announcer admonishing us for thinking that our cell phones are an adequate substititute for the OnStar service: "How do you know your cell phone will even work after an accident?: (Well, it's not actually attached to my car, like OnStar would be, so it seems like a pretty good bet...) "What if your phone is thrown clear? What if you can't reach it?" Message: You are as good as DEAD if you are in an accident and don't have OnStar. Your pathetic cell phone (which, judging from what I see from drivers on a regular basis, was probably in use at the time of the accident) won't save you. Only that life-saving Blue Button above the console stands between you and eternal rest.
Besides, what if you need to find the nearest 7-11? You got an APP for that?
Monday, May 18, 2009
Nice to meet you. While we're on the subject, ask your doctor about....
Old guy is sitting on a lawn chair at a backyard barbecue, with a bat balanced between his legs. Young guy walks up to him and asks, "you aren't playing?"
"Not with these legs" old guy sighs. I've got P.A.D."
Young guy: "Peripheral artery disease?"
Ok, stop right there. Have I been living on another planet for the past year or so? Has Peripheral Artery Disease suddenly become as common and well-known as Swine Flu, or what? If I were the old guy, I would have fallen out of my chair in surprise that I just happened to bump into someone who knew what "P.A.D" means without any further explanation.
But wait- this young guy not only knows what P.A.D. means, he also knows all about this drug called Plavix, which (I'll be damned!) may provide relief for some people who suffer from this disease. For the next thirty seconds or so, Young Guy regales Old Guy with the rundown on Plavix, including possible side effects and the usual admonition that "Plavix is not for everybody" (why do we always need to be told this? Are there really people out there who share their prescription drugs with others?) And all this time, Old Guy takes this all in as if it's perfectly normal that Young Guy who just happened to ask why he's not playing ball is a freaking expert on the subject of P.A.D. and Plavix.
According to the official website, "Heart-related chest pain, heart attack, ischemic stroke (the most common type of stroke) are all serious medical conditions." What? Heart Attacks and Strokes are "serious medical conditions?" Stop the presses!!! And "poor circulation of the legs, which may cause heaviness and pain in the legs, which may be relieved by rest" is also a serious condition- maybe. Or, it might be the normal result of overexertion. Melon-sized tumors, beheadings, impalements, and unconciousness caused by complete immersion in water for more than six hours are all serious conditions as well- why aren't they mentioned in the commercial for Plavix?
I'm still trying to understand how Old Guy just happened to bump into a Walking Medical Dictionary just sitting on a chair. I'd also like to see one of these commercials end with the recipient of the unsolicited advice explaining to the "helpful" know-it-all that he is capable of discussing his condition with his doctor and getting good medical help without the prodding of strangers, Thanks Anyway. Nosy dick.
"Not with these legs" old guy sighs. I've got P.A.D."
Young guy: "Peripheral artery disease?"
Ok, stop right there. Have I been living on another planet for the past year or so? Has Peripheral Artery Disease suddenly become as common and well-known as Swine Flu, or what? If I were the old guy, I would have fallen out of my chair in surprise that I just happened to bump into someone who knew what "P.A.D" means without any further explanation.
But wait- this young guy not only knows what P.A.D. means, he also knows all about this drug called Plavix, which (I'll be damned!) may provide relief for some people who suffer from this disease. For the next thirty seconds or so, Young Guy regales Old Guy with the rundown on Plavix, including possible side effects and the usual admonition that "Plavix is not for everybody" (why do we always need to be told this? Are there really people out there who share their prescription drugs with others?) And all this time, Old Guy takes this all in as if it's perfectly normal that Young Guy who just happened to ask why he's not playing ball is a freaking expert on the subject of P.A.D. and Plavix.
According to the official website, "Heart-related chest pain, heart attack, ischemic stroke (the most common type of stroke) are all serious medical conditions." What? Heart Attacks and Strokes are "serious medical conditions?" Stop the presses!!! And "poor circulation of the legs, which may cause heaviness and pain in the legs, which may be relieved by rest" is also a serious condition- maybe. Or, it might be the normal result of overexertion. Melon-sized tumors, beheadings, impalements, and unconciousness caused by complete immersion in water for more than six hours are all serious conditions as well- why aren't they mentioned in the commercial for Plavix?
I'm still trying to understand how Old Guy just happened to bump into a Walking Medical Dictionary just sitting on a chair. I'd also like to see one of these commercials end with the recipient of the unsolicited advice explaining to the "helpful" know-it-all that he is capable of discussing his condition with his doctor and getting good medical help without the prodding of strangers, Thanks Anyway. Nosy dick.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
XM/Sirius-- stop begging me to bail you out! You get enough of my money already!
"Get Ready!!!! Starting May 18, XM/Sirius subscribers get a FREE WEEK OF HOWARD STERN!!"
Cymbals Crash!! Howard Stern roars "This is GLORIOUS!!" Apparently unrelated laughter and guffaws ensue!!! All because for one week and ONE WEEK ONLY, the Howard Stern show will be available FOR FREE to XM/Sirius Subscribers!! I mean, if that's not worth shouting about, please tell me WHAT IS???
Ok, a little perspective and history, if I may:
For the better part of twenty years, Howard Stern was available on Free, Terrestrial Radio in pretty much every market in the US. I used to listen to him on my morning drive to my substitute gigs in Western New York, way back in the early-90s. That is, I used to listen to him until he made me feel dirty for the experience- usually about five minutes a day.
Then, Stern was offered a massively bloated contract by Already-Heavily-In-Debt Sirius Satellite Radio. I think it was something like 10 years, $500 million. Which is more than Alex Rodriguez makes. Barely.
To the shock of the suits at Sirius, the signing of Stern (how's that for alliteration?) did not result in a flood of new subscribers. In fact, it had only two immediate results: First, Sirius tried to renegotiate it's contract with Stern. Second, Sirius became much more interested in a bankruptcy-avoiding merger with rival XM.
(In the meantime, XM had made it's own share of brain-dead financial decisions, including signing dimwit yakkers Opie and Anthony to a bloated long-term contract, offering the show first as a "premium" to XM subscribers, then quickly pulling back and offering it for free when they realized that the number of people willing to pay extra to hear two adults yuk it up over situations and jokes aimed primarily at 12-year old boys and mentally underdeveloped "men" was not as large a universe as they were conned into believing.)
Which brings us to the merger, and the preposterously wasteful Howard Stern contract becoming the shared responsibility of both XM and Sirius. Which means that I must be subjected to the desperate pleas of XM radio to open my wallet and pay even MORE money (I already pay for three subscriptions, at $6.99 a month each) for the "privilege" of listening to a middle-aged shock jock interview strippers.
Earth to XM/Sirius: Bed. Made. Lie. Like the Yankees with A-Rod, you overpaid through the nose because you insisted on bidding against yourselves, and now you expect the fans to bail you out. Well, guess what? No one's buying those $3000 home plate seats at new Yankee Stadium, and all the shouting and screeching in the world isn't going to convince me to pay extra to listen to a guy I wouldn't give more than five minutes a day to when he was FREE.
May 25 can't come fast enough.
Cymbals Crash!! Howard Stern roars "This is GLORIOUS!!" Apparently unrelated laughter and guffaws ensue!!! All because for one week and ONE WEEK ONLY, the Howard Stern show will be available FOR FREE to XM/Sirius Subscribers!! I mean, if that's not worth shouting about, please tell me WHAT IS???
Ok, a little perspective and history, if I may:
For the better part of twenty years, Howard Stern was available on Free, Terrestrial Radio in pretty much every market in the US. I used to listen to him on my morning drive to my substitute gigs in Western New York, way back in the early-90s. That is, I used to listen to him until he made me feel dirty for the experience- usually about five minutes a day.
Then, Stern was offered a massively bloated contract by Already-Heavily-In-Debt Sirius Satellite Radio. I think it was something like 10 years, $500 million. Which is more than Alex Rodriguez makes. Barely.
To the shock of the suits at Sirius, the signing of Stern (how's that for alliteration?) did not result in a flood of new subscribers. In fact, it had only two immediate results: First, Sirius tried to renegotiate it's contract with Stern. Second, Sirius became much more interested in a bankruptcy-avoiding merger with rival XM.
(In the meantime, XM had made it's own share of brain-dead financial decisions, including signing dimwit yakkers Opie and Anthony to a bloated long-term contract, offering the show first as a "premium" to XM subscribers, then quickly pulling back and offering it for free when they realized that the number of people willing to pay extra to hear two adults yuk it up over situations and jokes aimed primarily at 12-year old boys and mentally underdeveloped "men" was not as large a universe as they were conned into believing.)
Which brings us to the merger, and the preposterously wasteful Howard Stern contract becoming the shared responsibility of both XM and Sirius. Which means that I must be subjected to the desperate pleas of XM radio to open my wallet and pay even MORE money (I already pay for three subscriptions, at $6.99 a month each) for the "privilege" of listening to a middle-aged shock jock interview strippers.
Earth to XM/Sirius: Bed. Made. Lie. Like the Yankees with A-Rod, you overpaid through the nose because you insisted on bidding against yourselves, and now you expect the fans to bail you out. Well, guess what? No one's buying those $3000 home plate seats at new Yankee Stadium, and all the shouting and screeching in the world isn't going to convince me to pay extra to listen to a guy I wouldn't give more than five minutes a day to when he was FREE.
May 25 can't come fast enough.
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