Toyota's Blow Off Steam By Trashing the Planet Ad

If this is what passes as 'blowing off steam" these days, gas prices can't start rising fast enough or high enough for me.

Seriously, you stupid choads- want to blow off steam?  Take a kickboxing class at the local gym.  Start jogging or just walking.   Do something that will provide some benefit.  Don't do this.*

*Of course, 99 percent of Americans have no access to the kind of flat desert areas these ads are always showing, so "blowing off steam" in this manner remains a stupid fantasy for pretty much everybody.  Good thing- because until these machines actually run on steam, you aren't doing anyone any favors when you zoom around in them for no purpose larger than "because you can."

And again- the most productive people on Earth.....

Summing up this commercial:  Guy mopes about doing absolutely nothing.  We soon learn the reason for his foul mood:  He missed yesterday's games because he "had to work."

Ah, but his coworker has the answer:  Go to NFL GamePass and watch yesterday's games right now! Yay!

Never mind that

1.  As a YouTube poster points out, it's a pretty lame idea to get excited about watching games where you already know the final score.  You can go on NFL.com and watch highlights of the good games.  You don't need to invest money or time on downloading entire games, unless you are really, really into watching all the posing and pomping and posturing that might not be included in the highlights (who am I kidding, I just described most of the highlights.)

2.  This guy didn't watch the games because he had to work- so he's going to make up for it the next day by walking around aimlessly making tiny paper airplanes and feeling sorry for himself, and then waste even more time by.....watching the games.  Um, if he was going to blow off work, why didn't he do that yesterday, when the games were live and maybe worth watching?  What exactly does he accomplish by working on Sunday if he then spends Monday catching up on his football viewing?  What am I missing here?

Oh right, I forgot- I'm missing some level of appreciation for two jackasses who are so comfortable in their jobs- and so ungrateful for them- that they have no problem cheating their employers by spending a day either yakking aimlessly about football or watching it while on the clock.  A few more of these ads, and I'll turn Conservative, I swear.

"It's just that some snow globes, like people, are much, much better than others."..

The best thing about Christmas being over....is that we'll soon be saying goodbye to these horrible commercials for another eleven months.

Wow, Santa sure is careful to make everything just right for the pretty, wealthy white people, isn't he?  So much time and effort to make sure that perfect lives are just a little more perfect.

Meanwhile, how many kids got somewhat cheaper versions of what they really wanted, clothes from Goodwill, or nothing at all?

How many soup kitchens couldn't quite meet demand this year and had to turn away dissapointed, hungry moms and dads and children?

How many parents couldn't spend time with their children on December 25 because the store they work at for minimum wage simply had to stay open* for the idiots who might have to drop by for just one more thing?

I guess that if Santa is going to be so meticulous in getting some snow globes just right- down to the pretty red bow- he's going to have to cut some corners on most of the others, huh?

Hey Santa, I've got an idea what you can do with your Snow Globe.  It involves committing an act of...umm....surgery....on yourself.

*I taught on Christmas morning.  As I was walking to school I passed the local Whole Foods Market at 7:50 AM.  There was a well-dressed white guy standing outside the door, clearly put out because the store was not open for his convenience.  At 7:50 AM on Christmas morning.  Un. Freaking. Believable.

So much to hate in this Hyundai ad

1.  The look on this woman's face when she sees that her Standard Issue Idiot Husband has taken part of the white picket fence he provided to the game- again.  Seriously, if I never see that look on a woman in a tv commercial or sitcom again, it will be too soon.  Enough with the beaten-down, Oh Why Oh Why Did I Marry This Jackass You Can Almost See The Blood Dripping From My Hands martyr look already.

2.  The "Whaaaaaat?" coming from the guy and his friends- what the hell, does anyone really do that in real life?  If anyone does, can they please throw themselves into traffic right now?  What do idiots like this guy do for a living that lands them with nice houses in the suburbs, anyway?  Something that doesn't require brain cells- but what is it?

3.  The question- which of the following scenerios is more likely:

A.  Beaten-down, disgusted, bedraggled woman packs up and leaves while hubby is making an ass of himself at the game because she's sick of him making them the laughing stock of Whitebread Avenue, , or

B.  Hubby realizes at some point during the game that he's married to a nagging old shrew he would never consider actually inviting to join him at that game because hey, he wants to have fun, or

C.  Hubby is told by security that no, he can't bring an actual four-foot section of fence into a football game because, you know, security and such.  It's heavy and dangerous.  Fences shown being waved by obnoxious idiots on tv are not actually made of wood, Stupid Man, or

D.  Hubby is beaten to a pup by the five drunks sitting behind him after he blocks their view of the game for the fourth time by standing up and waving his heavy blunt instrument, or

E.  Five drunks didn't wait for him to start waving the fence, but decided to beat him to a pulp the first time he bleated "Whaaaaat?" into his phone, because man that's stupid.

Nissan continues it's sad, fruitless effort....

...to convince us that there's something fun, bold, young or hip about their Japanese Blandmobiles.

Seriously, Nissan- nobody gives a damn that you found some desperate-for-cash rap artist to throw together a jingle or an equally desperate-for-cash computer animator to throw together a few images of a fake Nissan manned by pasty-white Eurotrash morons flying through the snow or a desperate-for-cash wannabee actor to yell about how awesome your NothingMobile is.  Nobody's buying it.  Nissans are ok cars for young families and Generation X'ers who can't afford the Accords- god forbid the Audis- they'd rather own.  In other words, they aren't so much Blandmobiles or Nothingmobiles as they are Settlemobiles.

Nice try, though.  Now get the hell off my tv screen already.  800 of these per football game is MORE than enough.

Volkswagen- you have my permission to bludgeon these idiots and leave them in the snow

Commerical #1:  Yeah, I almost want to test-drive a Volkswagen so I can see the look on the salesman's face when I tell him I want to go buy a Christmas tree and strap it on the top of a car I have not yet committed to buy.  That's going to happen.

Commercial #2:  Can we please get the phrase "the twins" forever banned from commercials?  Twins are individual children. They have different names, personalities, wants, and needs.  They were born at roughly the same time, that's it.  They don't share anything other than a birthday and relatives.  Every time I hear someone utter the phrase "the twins" I want to reach out and punch them in the face- and don't even get me started on parents who dress two kids born on the same day in identical clothing.  Gross.

Both Commercials:  "Can the test drive be over now?" got old several years ago.  I've taken test drives.  The salesman always decides when it's over.  Depicting salesmen as wimpy, helpless baggage at the mercy of customers isn't amusing, and I'm sure the actual salesmen don't appreciate the lame "humor" in this at all.

"Can the test drive be over now?"  Damn right it can.  Take the keys and tell the customers that the car is heading back to the showroom, and it's not going on any more errands before it does because it's not a rental, jagoffs.  Ugh I hate this crap.

The most painfully awful commercial of 2015

1.  The "song."  Oh. My. God.  If I had children, I'd be horrified that they'd pick this up and adopt it as their own personal National Anthem.

2.  The message- that children this age naturally have cell phones already (really?) and that they need cuddly little toys to hold them while they sleep (which is the only time they'll need a cell phone holder, because every waking hour is going to be spent actually holding the phone in your own hand, right?)  So the people in this ad are the kind of weird toddler/teenager hybrid that cell phone companies have successfully created by marketing their wares as essential equipment for everyone.   In 20 years, these things have gone from being luxuries to body parts which might as well be grafted to the hand.

3.  The indoctrination.  Give your six-year old a cell phone, and he or she will be consulting it for every answer you went to your parents and actual friends for.  Yes, your kid will be constantly entertained and maybe even educated- but not by you.  He or she will learn to find knowledge, fun and comfort from a glowing screen- a lesson that will be so ingrained by the time he or she is a teenager that- well, they'll fit right in, won't they?