A better idea for fans of FanDuel...

 

Instead of thinking like a retired NBA player worth hundreds of millions of dollars who couldn't care less if he loses a few hundred dollars on "innocent" bets every weekend because after all, you've got hundreds of millions of dollars and on top of that are getting paid to pimp a betting App, instead maybe think like you're a middle-class male between the ages of 20 and 40- the principal demographic for these ads- and put those hundreds of dollars into your 401(k), a college fund for your kids, or PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING ELSE other than a stupid, addictive betting App?

And maybe don't listen to Charles Barkley, Kevin (I'll Sell Anything, Just Give Me the Money) Hart, Jamie (Yeah I've got an Oscar But Money is Money) Foxx, or any of the other multi-millionaires out there who are perfectly happy to pick up what is for them chump change to peddle an electronic drug that will cause real economic hardship for 90 percent of the people who use it (you think they are giving money away?  Where do you think the winnings come from?  THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS.)  You think these people are funny and entertaining and this is harmless?  Then why is there a toll free number in tiny script at the bottom for people with "GAMBLING PROBLEMS?"  Why is the new angle to push gambling apps with "Responsible Betting"* settings with "Limits" and "Tips" on how to "control" your betting- you know, to "keep it fun?"  You don't see disclaimers like that when ads show people just watching games, though when you see the kind of crud we're encouraged to ingest while viewing, maybe we should...like "eat Doritos responsibly?"**

*no such thing.

**again, no such thing.

That dumb, "We've been out of ideas forever" GEICO airport security line ad

 

1.  "You too" was just an impulsive response.  Stop making it a big deal, security person.  He was just being polite.

2.  While we're at it, just shut up and keep your eye on the next person coming through security.  That you hate your job isn't the traveler's problem.  He didn't talk you into being an airport security drone.  It's not his fault your life ended up like this.  Zip it, Karen.  

3.  This is nobody else's business.  I don't get why anyone else is responding.  Actually, I don't even get how anyone else even HEARD his "you too."  I've been in security lines at airports.  Everyone is just trying to keep track of their wallets, tickets, shoes, belts and bags.  Nobody is paying any attention to anyone else.  

4.  Are we supposed to believe that the pasty white fat kid is going on vacation with the black guy?  Yeah, no he isn't.  Please, ad agencies, just stop this.  I get the diversity thing and all but- Please, just stop this.  This is the dumb. 

5.  Yeah, the last guy has a point.  Wear socks when you fly.  We're trying to have a society here. 

Ethos Life Commercials are so ridiculous.

 

In every one of these Ethos Life commercials, the people who are worried about purchasing life insurance look like they are young and have money.  In the radio ad, the couple sound like they are in their late-20s and have a very young child.  

I'm not saying that these aren't the people who should be in the market for life insurance.  There's nothing wrong with buying life insurance while you're young.  The problem I have is with young people who are supposed to be attracted to Ethos Life because there's "No medical exams" or "health questions" attached to the application.  These are advantages for old, sick people who know that buying life insurance at their age and in their condition is going to cost a lot of money and that's why they've put off shopping for it.  Colonial Penn really hypes up the "we'll sell to anyone" pitch.  But it makes ZERO sense for young, presumably healthy, presumably nowhere near death couples to be excited about buying life insurance that won't be giving them any credit for their health status.  It would be like a person with an 800 credit score renting furniture- from Aaron's or Rent A Center.  Or someone with an immaculate driver's record going to The General for car insurance.  Or someone with two brain cells thinking that buying an extended "warranty" from the nice guy with the Indian accent on the phone is a good plan.

In other words, for the people in these ads to be signing up for insurance from Ethos Life is like watching them just chuck money into the bonfire.  It's really dumb and it grates on me every time. 

More Jardiance Nonsense!

 

I can control my A1C

Check out me, a singing blueberry

Then I'll pretend to talk to friends

In real life I gasp like I got the bends

How many of these ads will they let me make

before viewers notice that my smile's fake

I'm in pain during this whole thing

Which is why they dub in the part where I sing

You can watch your diet and stop eating crap- but still

wouldn't it just be easier to take an expensive pill?

Someone remind West Virginia that you can't go home again

 

...and daddy, won't you take me back to Muhlenberg County?

Down by the Green River, where Paradise lay

Well I'm sorry, my son, but you're too late in askin'

Mr. Peabody's coal train has hauled it away.*

Here are two more accurate ideas for a good West Virginia Tourism Motto:

"Give us Another Chance; This time we'll vote to join the Confederacy."  (And this time, we'll let you depart in peace.)

"West Virginia:  Where we love the Affordable Care Act, but man do we hate Obamacare!"

"West Virginia:  The Air Quality of New Jersey and the Voting patterns of Alabama in one convenient place."

*Ok, ok, I know that the song is about a county in Eastern Kentucky, but....Eastern Kentucky, West Virginia, really, what's the difference?

GEICO keeps pounding us with this stupid crap

 

I have a very nice apartment in a good location that doesn't have invasive weeds.  I don't care where this guy's house is- I'll trade my apartment for his ridiculous palace any day of the week and twice on Sundays.  Because I'll just dump enough chemicals to make Rachel Carson rise from the grave and chastise me instead of running around my multi-million dollar abode complaining about WEEDS.

I don't know why anyone finds the endless whining of the upper middle class interesting, let alone funny, but I guess that's just my problem.

"We love our house."  Shut up after uttering these words.  Enough already.

If your addiction could sing to you, I guess it would sound like this?

 

Really, what else is there to add?  This woman has an unbreakable bond with-- her electronic devices.  She simply MUST go from screen to screen, and every moment that she isn't staring at a glowing box is a lost moment that she can't get back....or something. 

And to make it worse, the message seems to be that in the tiny fractions of her life in which she is not looking at that way-too-important human connectivity substitute, the devices are calling to her.  Well, yeah, as I understand it this is exactly how addictions DO feel.  She's not dealing with "food noise" or "alcohol noise" or "nicotine noise."  She's dealing with electronics noise- she MUST get to a place where she can get out her phone or her tablet or SOMETHING and get back to staring at something glowing and stupid before that voice in her head reminding her that she hasn't looked at an expensive box of plastic, metal and glass for several seconds drives her nuts.

Yeah, this is an advertisement for....um, well, therapy, actually.  But if you ask the people who made it, its an ad for Galaxy or foldable phones or something.  And if you ask the people in the comments sections, it's about a remix of a great song that we must must must download right now Because Reasons.  And if you ask one particular person in the comments, its a desperate lunge for attention from total strangers in the form of a truly pathetic "please comment"  story about a dog dying.  What gets into some people?  I have no idea, and I'm not sure I even want to. 

Wow- for having nothing left to add, I sure ended up having plenty to add.