This braying jackass is everywhere; he might as well be whoring for gambling addiction apps. Stephen A. Smith is a little late to the party, but there's plenty of money still out there to be made off of what is currently America's favorite family-and-finances-destroying habit, and after all there's no money like blood money, is there?
Response by what appears to be a human life form using a script from Nathan Pyle's aliens: "we are taking her friends to the snow in a Highlander."
First, how is that a response to "welcome to this sales event?" Like, talk about cutting to the chase- "yeah yeah, we are taking New Car to Destination. Sell us new car." Second, why would Jan give a flying damn WHY you want a new car or what you plan to do with it? She's there to sell you the car you want or, if you aren't sure you want one, convince you that you do and in fact can't live another day without one. That's what car salesmen DO. But you come in here with your daughter and her friend who is for some reason being referred to in the plural all decked out in winter clothing as if you've just stopped by to pick up the vehicle you need to "go to the snow" like you are dropping by McDonald's for a quick Happy Meal. Dude, this is going to take some time. At least take your jacket and scarf off. You guys look like total dorks who have no idea how the process of purchasing a car works. THIS IS GOING TO TAKE MORE THAN A FEW MINUTES.
And what would Jan know about "Human Friends" anyway? She's spent the last decade or more sitting in that dealership with that stupid frozen zombie smile grinning like a mannequin and acting as if being the peddler of Japanese Imports has her on a constant dopamine drip. What are you ON, woman?
Never mind Jamie Foxx excitedly telling you that it's not quite time to pull the trigger or throw that noose over the rafters just because that third-string receiver didn't score a touchdown on his third reception during his fifth game after being claimed off waivers from the Panthers; if he scores a touchdown on his FOURTH reception, your bet will be honored (presumably. See any number of "oops sorry we can't pay out Because Reasons" stories on YouTube. The house always wins, even when it loses.)
I have better advice- listen to that tiny bit of common sense and rationality that hasn't been consumed by instant gratification internet connections and ultra-processed empty calories, take the real second chance, and delete that app you downloaded in a moment of stupidity weakness. Like nuclear war, the only winning move is not to play. Sorry/not sorry to end the year as the same kind of scold I was when it started, but this is getting so much worse than I thought it ever would.
I am old enough to remember cigarette ads which celebrated the Total Awesomeness of Smoking. We've had commercials encouraging the overconsumption of sugar, grease and starch for more than seventy years now and they've only gotten worse as the ultra-processed non-food we are pushed to eat has just become more ultra-processed and addictive.
And in the last decade, media has become absolutely inundated with Gambling Is Harmless Fun ads designed to convince us that one particular addiction is no more dangerous than caffeine and maybe even less dangerous than that other addiction that drives us to impulse shop or get every other meal from Taco Bell (I might lose the rent money on a botched field goal attempt, but at least it won't give me diabetes!) There isn't a pregame show for any sporting event that isn't heavily subsidized by one gambling app or another, and there doesn't seem to be a single figure in media who isn't willing to sell his soul face and public image to pitch this destructive nonsense.
The silver lining is that when the number of gambling addicts reaches eight digits- which should happen sometime this year- it should have a significant, beneficial impact on inflation as the amount of money in circulation dries up dramatically. Sure, I'll have to step over the bodies of financially broken gamblers to enter the store, but at least they'll have contributed toward Making Eggs Affordable Again.
Seems to me that trusting your health care coverage to people who bleat "thoughts and prayers"* in response to every tragedy is the very definition of a bad idea. Actual health care companies are terrible and all, but I'll trust them every day and twice on Sundays before I sign up for MediShare, Christian Health Ministries, or any other scammy non-insurance run by God-Botherers who want your money only slightly more than they want to ban abortion, gender-affirming care and Thinking in general.
*the Sirius XM radio commercial for MediShare actually says that if you call to sign up for coverage, their "community" will "pray with you." Yeah, thanks but I can probably get people to pray with me WITHOUT paying a monthly premium for the "service."
1. Every single one of these jackasses who are verbally (and, finally, physically) assaulting the delivery guy subscribed to the paper that they are angrily rejecting in favor of a service that allows them to become fertilizer for whatever bacteria farm is growing on their overused couches. How about using one of those phones surgically connected to your hand to just cancel those subscriptions and save a few trees instead of yelling at the guy employed to deliver it, you ugly knobs?
2. Sorry we made you get off that coach, Stupid Fat Loud Lady with Tea. I'm sure it took a real effort and you don't appreciate going to the door when it isn't to accept your Uber Eats order.
3. None of these people are at all interested in what is happening outside their own navels, and you can't convince me otherwise. They are only outside because it's that time of day where they get to unleash venom on an innocent guy just trying to do a job you asked him to do when you signed up for that subscription. Seriously, what is the matter with you people?
I am going to assume that the great majority of people who are gushing like lunatics over the recognizable character in these Walmart ads are bots. Because I have to. For my own peace of mind.
Still, the message I get from all of these ads is the one Scrooge gives Bob Cratchit at the beginning of A Christmas Carol- that Christmas is an excuse to spend money on things you don't need with money you don't have, and a time to find yourself a year older and not a penny richer. We can't do anything about being a day older, but I for one am tired of being told to rescue the American economy every December by overexercising my credit card on junk. Especially junk from Walmart.
And especially since, right now, a massive Depression that sweeps away the party of the incoming regime would be just fine with me. I will be fine. You morons with your credit card debt brought on by the perfect combination of impulse spending and gambling app addiction won't. Don't say me and my friend Ebenezer didn't warn you.
